HOMO TEST
Tests to determine if you are a Homo
1. [TRUE/FALSE]
Hundreds of homos lead normal, happy lives.
There is no shame in being a homo.
Homos are weak and easily beat up.
Groups of homos are dangerous and will try
to take off your clothes and kill you.
Homos like to kidnap little boys and marry
them.
Homos know all the latest dance steps and
have great stereo equipment.
Homos never say their prayers.
Homos cry if you're mean to them.
The only way to kill a homo is with a silver
bullet.
50 comments
The last question is a trick question, obviously, any fairy lieberal knows that you can only defeat a homosexual by repelling it with a bundle of garlic, and staking it to its hideout coffin.
Yay, another round of fun facts courtesy of a fundie's anus. Lessee....
Hundreds of homos lead normal, happy lives
False-ish. I think you will find that the figure is closer to hundreds of millions. Then again, you probably count "one, two, hundreds", so that's ok.
There is no shame in being a homo.
True. Or, just as much shame as being left-handed, black, or... uhm... human. Not that you'd know about any of them.
Homos are weak and easily beat up.
False. But I'd love to hear you make that statement over the PA of a "bear" club somewhere in the dodgier parts of town, big guy.
Groups of homos are dangerous and will try to take off your clothes and kill you.
False. You're thinking of homicidal psychopaths. Easy mistake to make. Had to learn it the hard way myself. Here's a tip: If they cry "I gonna kill you!! I gonna rip your throat open with my bare hands! I wanna see you bleed!" they're most likely psychopaths.
Homos like to kidnap little boys and marry them.
False. Habitual boy-napping cum nuptials gets a bit samey after a while. It's all fair and well when you're in your 20s but once you pass thirty you start slagging quite a bit, up to the point where you only kidnap a boy in alternating months, and some of us actually have to cheat to clock up the required quota of same sex weddings per year. Also, some of us have a day job to take care of.
Homos know all the latest dance steps and have great stereo equipment.
False. As anyone who has seen me do my Micheal Jackson impression (and survived to tell the tale) can testify, once they've stopped laughing. True on the audio equipment, though. Wagonloads of disposable income from our monthly paycheck from the Department of Stereotypes. And how else could we listen to the throbbing beats of GAY FM?
Homos cry if you're mean to them.
False. We don't cry. And our only weakness is kryptonite. Oh, hold on... that's Superman. Well, in that case: True. You big meanie! Boooooohoooo.
The only way to kill a homo is with a silver bullet.
True. But only if it has one of those fabulous diamond tips. You know, the totally stunning glitzy ones? Oh. My. God.
Hope I scored quite high on your scientific test. I'd hate to find out that I'm heterosexual. Would be awkward to explain to my boyfriend.
"1. [TRUE/FALSE]"
Curious numbering system, the number 1 heads all the statements.
"Hundreds of homos lead normal, happy lives."
True, and more would too if you and your homophobic pals would stop harassing them.
"There is no shame in being a homo."
True, except for the "shame" created by you and your homophobic friends.
"Homos are weak and easily beat up."
False, as some may be weak, but not all, by any means.
"Groups of homos are dangerous and will try
to take off your clothes and kill you."
False. What a strange delusion.
"Homos like to kidnap little boys and marry
them."
False. Homosexuality does not equal pedophilia.
"Homos know all the latest dance steps and
have great stereo equipment."
False. I know gay men who do not dance. Great stereo equipment is usually a result of good income rather thar anything else.
Are you asserting that poor sound systems are a sign of masculinity?
"Homos never say their prayers."
False. There are many homosexuals suffering from religious delusions.
"Homos cry if you're mean to them."
True and false. I bet some of them cry. Of course, some heterosexuals cry too, so what's the point?
"The only way to kill a homo is with a silver
bullet."
False. I have not confused homosexuality with being a werewolf.
It's really too bad this nut job didn't generate an answer key to this. I'm curious to see how he feels about the Silver Bullet one, at the least.
There are also several more categories on his list. The entirety of answers, however, are as follows.
[SCORING]
If this test makes you think about scoring, then
you are probably a homo.
Hundreds of homos lead normal, happy lives.
Yes, they probably do... with the exception of those who are hounded by fundie morons, of course.
There is no shame in being a homo.
There is just about as much shame in being a homosexual as there is in being a bi or heterosexual. They are all normal.
Homos are weak and easily beat up.
I wouldn't know. Unlike you, I do not beat people up, expecially for things like sexual preference. If you are proud of something like that then go die in a fire already.
Groups of homos are dangerous and will try to take off your clothes and kill you.
Are you speaking from experience, or is this just your closet imagination talking, trying to vilify something that you cannot accept in yourself?
Homos like to kidnap little boys and marry them.
Absolutely no comment.
Homos know all the latest dance steps and have great stereo equipment.
That's a good thing. I wish I could dance and be able to afford good audio equipment. All in good time I guess.
Homos never say their prayers.
Probably not since most religions that require prayer also think that homosexuality is evil. Nice going, you alarmist fucks.
Homos cry if you're mean to them.
Oh, and you don't? If you're mean enough to anyone, they will cry. What's wrong with crying anyway? Not "manly" enough for your macho self?
The only way to kill a homo is with a silver bullet.
It's a waste of a bullet. It would be much more useful in getting rid of you.
The only way to kill a homo is with a silver bullet.
No, they can be killed by beating them bloody, tying them to a barbed wire fence and leaving them to freeze to death. This theory was tested by Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, who are now serving consecutive life sentences for the experiment.
First of all, that was the suckiest test ever. There was only one question!
Second of all, some of those things apply- e.g. "Homos cry if you're mean to them." Anybody could cry if you're mean to them, not specifically gays. Also, you can kill a gay person with a silver bullet. You can also kill a straight person with a silver bullet. You can kill a gay person with a knife. The point is, you have the ability to kill anyone in any fashion. It's just not legal.
If this person is serious, then I'm gonna get a silver bullet and put it through my head.
Here's a test for you, LC aka blah-blah-blah etc. etc. (your name is much too long. I'll just call you LC for 'Locked in Closet'.
1. LC was on the honor roll.
2. LC has had a relationship with a 'live' girl.
3. LC was voted, 'Most Likely To Suck Ass'.
4. LC has a restraining order against him.
5. LC was his class Valedictorian.
6. LC cries during Bambi.
7. LC is a mouthbreather.
8. LC has made out with a family member.
9. LC is on probation/parole.
10. LC wears a giant belt-buckle with 'NASCAR' emblazoned on it.
TEST KEY:
3,4,6,7,8, 9, and 10 are true. the rest are false.
And thanks for playing.
There's only one test to determine if you're a "homo". If you have two people, one a man and the other a woman, standing in front of you and you are attracted to the one that's the same sex as you and not the other...
Jeff Foxworth: You might be a homo!
From the end of the test:
7. [HAVE YOU EVER?]
Slipped and fallen while taking a shower and landed on a lemon?
Accidently sat on a shot glass while playing strip poker?
Gotten "trapped" while vacuuming in the nude?
Been tied face down to a bed, and abandoned.
I think we've gotten a glimpse into LC's rich fantasy life. Though I don't quite get the part about the lemon...
Hmm... A silver bullet? Isn't reading steamy werewolf books against your religion?
Oh, and, I believe a few priests check positive on quite a few of these notes...
Similar TEST
Tests to determine if you are a Homo
1. [TRUE/FALSE]
Hundreds of similars lead normal, happy lives.
There is no shame in being a similar.
Similars are weak and easily beat up.
Groups of similars are dangerous and will try
to take off your clothes and kill you.
Similars like to kidnap little boys and marry
them.
Similars know all the latest dance steps and
have great stereo equipment.
Similars never say their prayers.
Similars cry if you're mean to them.
The only way to kill a similar is with a silver
bullet.
---------------------------------------
I didn't know if everyone could understand the Greek prefix so I fixed your post for you.
Hey Jon Young, here's a test for ya.
How to tell if your a *closet* homosexual guy. Pick one.
Do you
1: Dig guys?
2: Dig girls?
3: Swing both ways?
4: Boil with protean rage every time you are confronted with anything remotely non - heterosexual behavior, particularly in regards to your own gender?
5: As above, but you are completely obsessed with the orientation that supposedly "disgusts" you?
1, 2 & 3 means you are a healthy well - adjusted adult, 4 means you need to come out of the closet and/or at the very least quit being so damn neurotic about your "manhood", sheesh.
5: Is Fred Phelps or you. At this level please insert yourself into the nearest concrete mixer post haste, the world will thank you later. Cheers.
Hundreds of homos lead normal, happy lives.
Yes that's true, when they're not being harassed by religious and others.
There is no shame in being a homo.
Uh, no I don't see why anyone should be ashamed of an uncontrollable sexual orientation.
Homos are weak and easily beat up.
A mere stereotype. Some may be weak yes, but I'm sure many work out.
Groups of homos are dangerous and will try
to take off your clothes and kill you.
Wait, now you're contradicting yourself. I thought homos were easily beat up.
Homos like to kidnap little boys and marry
them.
Pedophile marriage is legalized now?
Homos know all the latest dance steps and
have great stereo equipment.
Possibly. What does that have to do with anything?
Homos never say their prayers.
Yes because of course there can't be any gay religious groups.
Homos cry if you're mean to them.
Another stereotype.
The only way to kill a homo is with a silver
bullet.
Gay warewolves? What?
1: False.. MILLIONS of homosexuals live happy lives.
2: True
3: False
4: False
5: False
6: False
7: False
8: False
9: False, they are mortal just as your sorry ass is.
10: You're a fucking idiot. (yeah, I know this wasn't on the test, but it's extra credit)
Well, I'm not Pan, so yes.
False, millions do
True, why would you be ashamed of liking girls instead of boys?
False, some homosexuals are strong, some are weak and most are inbetween, just as heterosexuals. You shouldn't beat people up, it's not civilized.
False, most groups who take people's clothes off and kill them consist of straight men.
False, most pedophiles are straight men, and you can't marry children
Partly true, SOME gay people like dancing, some don't. My husband has great stereo equipment. He's straight.
False, some do, some don't
Sort of true, HUMANS cry if you're mean to them. Why would you be mean to people? It's not civilized.
False, homosexuals are not werewolves.
So, how did I do? What's the criteria in this test? Am I a homo? TELLMETELLMETELLME!!!
Or, should the fact that I, a woman, am attracted to men, and am married to a man, be a clear sign that I'm not homosexual?
“HOMO TEST
Tests to determine if you are a Homo”
Every patrol, once the submarine dove, we all used to pair up and suck each other’s dick. If you threw up afterwards, you were okay. If you didn’t, you’d become a latent homosexual and had to stop sucking dick.
That’s it, that’s the test.
Tolerance of and/or support of gays is not an indication of homosexuality you fatuous prick.
1. Hundreds? The number is a bit bigger than that, sweetie.
2. None whatsoever.
3. Guy on my first boat used to think so. Found out there was a gay bar downtown and went to beat up some faggots. ONE guy put him in the hospital.
4. I’ve been offered a drink in what turned out to be a gay bar twice. Both took ‘no’ for an answer.
5. Oh, jeez.
6. Oh, crap, my wife is a gay male…
7. They say all their prayers. I say all my prayers. I’m atheist, so the amount of time i spend on ‘my prayers’ is pretty damned close to zero, though.
8. Gonna go with false, as it’s not ALWAYS true. But there are straights who cry, too.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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