bcraig, The jesus that the catholic church teaches about is not the same as the Jesus of the bible
35 comments
Beeblebrox: Please tell me you are aware that the Catholic church was the entirety of Christianity until around the 15th century, when Martin Luther showed up carrying a hammer.
Orthodox Christians: We are now officially pagans.
Jesus was never catholic or protestant.
Now brace yourself as this may come as a bit of a shock...
He was Jewish. He lives and died a Jew. And if he ascended to heaven as the Creeds (all composed by catholics) say, then he will be pissed mightily when he comes back and finds that fundies, waiting for the rapture, are not Jewish too!
Jesus: OK everyone. I'm back. I want to Rapture y'all. But first I have to ensure that y'all are entitled to get to heaven, so say with me the Sh'ma Yiroel...
Fundies: He's a Hebrew speakin' Jew. Stone the bastard! No. Wait. Call the KKK quick and lynch him.
Jesus: (as the noose tightens) But I have come to save...ughghghghg.
It's a little-known fact that with the Vatican II reforms, the Catholic Church decided to give up worshipping a 2,000-year-old guy whose exact words they couldn't pin down and whom they couldn't definitively prove even existed. Instead, Catholics now worship Dave Jesus of Cleveland, Ohio, who's a pretty nice guy and whose number is in the phone book.
There could be two Jesuses. Several live in my neighborhood. There’s Jesús García, Jesús Martínez, Jesús Hernández, Jesús Rodríguez
"bcraig, The jesus that the catholic church teaches about is not the same as my imaginary friend"
Fixed.
Much as I don't believe in Jesus, I do know that claiming to have a monopoly on him and being able to decide who is wrong and who is right about him is, according to what he supposedly stood for, a one-way ticket to the fiery place.
So there.
No, you see- He was retconned into being the Jesus from Earth 2 during the "Crisis in Infinite Heavens" miniseries.
Spoiler: The Blood God worshipped by fundies turns out to be Bizarro Jesus.
The catholics use the same 4 gospels that the protestants use. I dont know too many theologians (none really) that would argue that the four gospels ARE NOT the definitive books of Jesus Christ.
Besides, the Baptists got their idea of Jesus FROM the catholic church, who in turn got their idea from the Christologists and the gnostics, who in turn got their idea of Christ from Horus, Dionysios, Attis and Mythra..mostly Horus though.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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