As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:[2]
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
Because what American Conservatives consider 'liberals' conveys the actual meaning of the word liberal, right?
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
Are you saying that the bible has been castrated or that you think men are above women in God's eyes?
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level[3]
Yeah, because fundies can read above that level...
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms to capture better the original intent;[4] Defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words that have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
So distortion is fine as long as your personal preferences are highlighted? Comrade isn't synonymous with volunteer, fuckjob.
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";[5] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
Now I don't want to delve deeply into etymology here...
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
Or dismiss logic altogether and talk of something that has little value as a concept and which you have no way of being able to describe by its very nature (ie happening after you die)
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
Yeah, don't sell everything you own because God will cater for you is one of the foremost tenets of the free market
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Inauthentic Passages: excluding the interpolated passages that liberals commonly put their own spin on, such as the adulteress story
Er...
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
Recorded history fail.
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."
Don't want to give the impression that there's more than one God in the bible, do we...
