I just have a 7-year-old daughter. I am able to control her by myself, but I have no experience controlling boys. At least I can tell you what I do, and hope it would work for you too.

It could be that he isn't taking you seriously because you are more easy-going, in a general sense. This is a good thing not a bad thing, if it means you are the one he can go to for help with a problem.

But when you want him to do something in a certain way, he becomes confused, because you don't speak to him in a forceful and demanding way.

I would suggest you buy a few paddleball toys. You can let him play with them, or force him to play with one for a few minutes each day. But of course, you have to remove the ball and string to use it for spanking.

Write his name on the paddle with a felt-tip pen. This is easy if it's wood. If it's plastic, then you can also buy some large white labels that will stick to it. Cover one side with labels, fitted together, and write his name on the labels. Make sure it's written as big as you can write it, so it's very easy for him to see his name written on it.

When you want to tell him to do something, don't just tell him, and then tell him again, and then threaten to get the paddle.

Get the paddle in your hand, and make sure he can see it clearly, BEFORE you tell him what to do.

You could get right up in his face and say, "I've got this paddle with your name on it. Now, you are going to do exactly what I tell you to do, or else I'm going to beat your butt. Do you understand me?"

You don't have to shout. Speak gently and calmly, but with a commanding tone.

The spanking itself is a form of "communication," but the THREAT of a spanking is even more so. The threat might even be more effective than the spanking itself.

But in order for the threat-of-a-spanking to be effective, he has to believe you are serious about spanking him.

DON'T wait until he continues to be disobedient or defiant for some period of time, and then try to make a big production out of beating his butt. INSTEAD OF THAT, give him small commands often, and a quick smack or two when he doesn't respond immediately.

Suppose you tell him, "It's time for your bath now," and he says, "In a few minutes." Just say, "I'm getting your paddle," and go get it out from wherever it's "hidden." He should start moving immediately at that point. If not, he gets a whack or two, and you tell him again what he has to do.

You should keep the paddle out of sight, UNTIL you want to threaten an immediate spanking. This way, the act of getting it out of its hiding place, and TELLING HIM that you're getting it, will have an effect that it could not have if you left it on display all the time.

You have to be UNAPOLOGETIC about spanking him. DON'T say, "Come on now, I don't want to have to get the paddle! Come on now, I don't want to have to give you a spanking!"

Just say, "I'm getting the paddle!" and quickly get it in your hand so he can see it. DON'T "beg him" to obey you. And don't wait until you are furious.

You might end up actually spanking him less, and getting better cooperation, if you "communicate" your seriousness up-front.

His defiance or disobedience is basically a "misunderstanding." He has the illusion in his mind that you WON'T SPANK HIM, because the last time you spanked him was "so long ago." And you have the illusion in your mind that he WILL OBEY YOU, because you spanked him so recently.

As for actually spanking him, you could still primarily use your hand. The paddle is meant to be symbolic. He should feel the paddle on his bare butt enough to sting, enough so he associates seeing the paddle with getting a spanking. But with any implement, you have to worry about causing an injury. With your hand, at least you have more control.

You can smack him with your hand, and not just on the butt but on the legs. Or you could have a wooden spoon, or a fly-swatter, or a belt folded-up and used lightly.

I had a problem with the fly-swatter recently, because I was experimenting by taping two of them together, and whacking the front of my leg to see how it worked. I ended up cutting my leg with it, so that it drew blood.

With any implement, we have to be very careful. I ended up hitting my leg with the handle, instead of the end-piece. Carol warned me about plastic being "sharp," and I didn't know what she meant. Well, now I know.

Anyhow, you can use these implements, but be careful with them.

Use the paddle to SHOW him that you are prepared to spank him. Get it out of its hiding place WITHIN SECONDS of not getting the proper response. Sometimes you can get it in your hand before you even START telling him what to do. But you can do most of the actual spanking with your hand, even though you have the paddle as a "visual signalling device."

Of course, when he wants something from you, YOU can say, "In a minute." And maybe he has a good reason for saying that, also. But his "good reason" is less important than his obedience.

Any refusal or hesitation, anything short of instant obedience, you say "I'm getting the paddle!" And then you quickly get that paddle in your hand, so he can see it. Even if he suddenly starts moving fast, you should still get it out, and make sure he sees that paddle in your hand, because you TOLD HIM YOU WOULD GET IT.