king that God can deal in some kind of way to excuse this terrible thing, with a 38 year old who might still be trans is a faint hope clause. God hates this and he has already judged this in our children and we need to come to terms with how they have made an enemy of the Lord of creation. We can only stand in the gap through desperate pray. You have not reached bottom yet and I pray when you do you will not be looking with the rose coloured glasses I am sensing. Lamentation is worship as well as putting a good spin on it. You will know it as you go deeper and it all falls apart as it did for Job or us.