KOIfriend (aka whiterider) #fundie

KOIfriend (aka whiterider) #fundie theresistancemanifesto.com

Here's a personal story for all of you to think about.

On 11:30 pm on December 27, midway through Yule/Winter solstice, A coven or Pagans decided to visit me in the spirit while I was on the Job. I felt like all of them took really big sledge hammers and slammed me against both sides of my head at the same time. I started to sweat profusely, shake, and got very, very dizzy.

If it wasn't for the fact God gives us a promise to fight our battles for us, so that one of us can send a thousand to flight, I would be dead right now, and not writting this.

Paganism is wrong. Occultism is wrong. These evil little bastards need to be dealt with, and thank God, they are going to be gathered up soon, by the angels, and then they are going to be thrown in hell fire for their evil deeds!

Keep up the good work guys!

69 comments

old comment by Grand Archblasphemer of York

Wait...was this a literal or metaphorical sledge hammer? I mean, this little anecdote is as open to interpretation as Bible passages (pretty damn open, depending on who is talking, and how it suits a person's argument).

Were you mobbed by Pagans, and beaten half to death? Were you psychically assaulted by Pagans in some sort of mystic duel? Did Pagans visit you in a dream, and then commence with sledge hammering? Did Pagans enter in a psychic duel with you in your dreams? Were you on the job (as in work), or on the Job(as in the book of the Bible)? How did you chase the Pagans away, aside from using the power of Jesus? And what did you do to them to make them do to you something that makes you yearn for their eternal damnation?

All questions that your sparse, disconnected monologue fail to answer.

old comment by antichrist

Uh, Solstice was on the 21st last year.

A coven or Pagans decided to visit me in the spirit while I was on the Job.
backing away slowly
Positive signs of schizophrenia include delusions, or beliefs that have no basis in reality. You may feel persecuted (paranoid delusions), you may feel as if the television or radio is talking directly to you (delusions of references), you may hold false beliefs about your physical state (somatic delusions) or you may feel that you have special abilities or powers (delusions of grandeur).

Many schizophrenics also experience hallucinations due to overactive senses. You may see things that aren’t really there, you may hear people talking to you, and you may even be able to smell, touch, and taste things that other people can’t. These hallucinations may be quite scary for both the schizophrenic and for family and friends.

Paranoid Schizophrenia: Paranoid schizophrenia is the most commonly occurring schizophrenia. Paranoid schizophrenia symptoms include frequent hallucinations and delusions. You may hear people giving you commands, threatening you, or laughing at you or you may feel as if you are on a special mission or are being followed. These hallucinations and delusions can be episodic or continual.

http://www.epigee.org/mental_health/schizophrenia.html

I started to sweat profusely, shake, and got very, very dizzy.
Symptoms of panic attacks
* Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
* Sweating
* Trembling or shaking
* Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
* Feeling of choking
* Chest pain or discomfort
* Nausea or abdominal distress
* Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
* Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
* Fear of losing control or going crazy
* Fear of dying
* Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
* Chills or hot flushes

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx27.htm

Now I understand why Dawkins called it "The God Delusion".

old comment by Horsefeathers

"On 11:30 pm on December 27, midway through Yule/Winter solstice, A coven or Pagans decided to visit me in the spirit while I was on the Job."

When you say, "in the spirit" I hope you mean "in the spirit of the season these nice folks decided to visit me" and not what I think you mean.

"I felt like all of them took really big sledge hammers and slammed me against both sides of my head at the same time. I started to sweat profusely, shake, and got very, very dizzy."

Yeah, you probably shouldn't drink the egg nog after the expiration date.

"If it wasn't for the fact God gives us a promise to fight our battles for us, so that one of us can send a thousand to flight, I would be dead right now, and not writting this."

Too much of a wimp to fight for yourself, eh? Yeah, your god is like that too I suppose. Always ordering everyone else to fight in his name. Guess I can't expect much better from his followers.

"Paganism is wrong. Occultism is wrong."

Since most of your religion is based on earlier religions that you'd consider "pagan" and "occult" I don't think you should be throwing those particular stones.

"These evil little bastards need to be dealt with, and thank God, they are going to be gathered up soon, by the angels, and then they are going to be thrown in hell fire for their evil deeds!"

Didn't Jesus say something about loving one another?

old comment by Septic Sceptic

That's nothing! Just earlier tonight, a trio of transexual abortionists launched a spiritual assault on the sausages I was grilling and they wound up burned to a crisp!

Then when I was showering, a herd of atheist transitional fossils used their hellish ways to make the water run icy cold! Why, another 48 hours under that water could have been fatal for me!

My torment continued as I got ready for bed. A quadrillion Jewish enviromentalists had used their malevolent machinations to teleport the charger for my phone to an unknown location. Luckily, by praying to Jesus, I found my charger under my bed a mere four and half hours later.

The forces of evil continued to hound me- literally- as I attempted to thank the Lord for another fruitful day. A battalion of lesbian Muslims began casting hexes on next door's dog, causing him to bark endlessly. I prayed to Jesus to make the spirits leave the dog alone, and while I fell asleep around 4am, when I woke up six hours later the dog had indeed been stopped!

The forces of evil are everywhere friends, but they can be stopped if we would only trust in Him!

old comment by WMDKitty

On such a holiday, a coven might gather, as most in a coven consider each other to be family. They might even bring their families to the gathering, and turn it into one big celebration of the returning God. We certainly wouldn't waste our time or energy giving a Fundtard a migraine, though.

If it wasn't for the fact God gives us a promise to fight our battles for us, so that one of us can send a thousand to flight, I would be dead right now, and not writting this.

So your god wants you to be a helpless coward? Don't you know that the honorable stand and fight their own battles? Oh, and, it was a migraine for fuck's sake -- they're not lethal, they just feel that way.

And you want me and my kind to be "dealt with" -- thrown into "hell", even -- for having a different set of beliefs to yours... yeah, I'm feeling the love.

KOIfriend (aka whiterider) #fundie theresistancemanifesto.com

69 comments

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