K LET ME JUST GIVE YOU A FEW EXAMPLES OF HOW SPRITUAL THESE PEOPLE [first pilgrims to America] WERE
1. B4 ANY1 STEPPED OFF THE MAYFLOWER THEY PRAYED AND FASTED FOR FORTY DAYS. THEN THEY SIGNED A DOCUMENT CALLED THE MAYFLOWER COMPACT THAT SAID THEY WOULD FOLOW ALL GODS RULES IN THIS "NEW JURSELEM" AS THEY CALLED (WOW WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT OUR COUNTRY WAS ONCE BASED ON CHRIST!!!)
2. K U GUYS NO THE STORY ABOUT THANKSGIVING, BUT LETS TELL ABOUT THE PART THE SCHOOLS DONT TELL YOU ABOUT. WELL SEE THERE WAS A BIG DROUGHT THE YEAR THE PILGRIMS LANDED THERE WAS A HUGE DROUGHT. SO THEY PRAYED AND WHILE THEY WERE PRAYING OUT OF NO WHERE IT STARTED RAINING. ALL THE INDIANS THAT WERE THERE WERE AMAZED THAT THE RAIN CAME AND MANY OF THEM WERE CONVERTED.
32 comments
<<BUT LETS TELL ABOUT THE PART THE SCHOOLS DONT TELL YOU ABOUT>>
"THEN THEY SIGNED A DOCUMENT CALLED THE MAYFLOWER COMPACT THAT SAID THEY WOULD FOLOW ALL GODS RULES IN THIS "NEW JURSELEM" AS THEY CALLED (WOW WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT OUR COUNTRY WAS ONCE BASED ON CHRIST!!!)"
Fat man, how do you know what they do and don't teach in schools? It seems like your sentence structures, grammar, use of run-on sentences and numerous mis spellings are indicators of 5th grade remedial english level of literacy.
Thanksgiving didn't become a national holiday until Lincoln. It was "first celebrated" in 1621, lasted 3 days and wasn't repeated the following year, which means it does not qualify as a tradition in the pilgrim mind. And it wasn't called "Thanksgiving" by the pilgrims.
Riiiiiiight. They crossed the sea in a voyage of several months -- then, when they finally pull up to land after an arduous journey, what do they do? Just sit there for an additional one-and-a-third months, looking out at the land while staying aboard the Mayflower and praying. What nonsense!
image
Lemme tell you about the part the schools don't talk about--namely, how the Nazis fought WW2 with dinosaurs.
The Pilgrims were early settlers, yes, not the first.
America is not based on Pilgrim beliefs in any way, they were instead, one of the first groups that had to be bitch-slapped in line for violations of early American laws.
And how useless is a 1600s European who doesn't know how to fish or hunt? Were they all shoemakers or what?
K LET ME JUST GET TOTALLY OFF MY ROCKER HERE AND SCREAM A FUNNY CRAZY BEDTIME STORY AT U IN CAPSLOCK
1. B4 ANY1 STEPPED OFF THE MAYFLOWER THEY PRAYED AND FASTED AND RICKROLLED EACH OTHER FOR FORTY DAYS. MANY LULZ WERE HAD BY THOSE THAT WERE ALREADY HALLUCINATING AT THIS POINT!! THEN THEY SIGNED A DOCUMENT CALLED THE MAYFLOWER PSYCHEDELICIOUS COMPACT THAT SAID THEY WOULD FOLOW ALL GODS RULES IN THIS "NEW JURSELEM", OR SOMETIMES "NARNIA" AS THEY CALLED IT, AND IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT THEY COULDN'T SPELL.(WOW WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT THOSE DOPED-UP FUCKERS WERE ONCE BASED ON CHRIST!!!)
2. K U GUYS I'M SERIOUSLY. U NO THE STORY ABOUT THANKSGIVING, AND MAYBE U YES, BUT WHO CARES!! BUT LETS TELL ABOUT THE PART THE SCHOOLS DONT TELL YOU ABOUT. THE ONE WITH THE APOSTROPHES!
WELL SEE THERE WAS A BIG DROUGHT THE YEAR THE PILGRIMS LANDED THERE WAS A HUGE DROUGHT. ADD IT UP, THERE WERE TWOOOOOOOOOOOO DROUGHTS AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL LIKE I DO, OH THE HUMANITY!
SO THEY PRAYED AND WHILE THEY WERE PRAYING OUT OF NO WHERE IT STARTED RAINING SHIT ONTO THE FAN. NO-ONE KNOWS WHERE THE FAN CAME FROM, IT MUST HAVE BEEN BUILT BY THE PILGRIMS, NOAH, OR POSSIBLY JEEBUS. ANYWAY THERE WAS NOW SHIT ON THE JEEBUS FAN. ALL THE INDIANS THAT WERE THERE WERE AMAZED THAT THE SHIT RAIN CAME AND THE PILGRIMS DIDN'T CARE THAT THEY SMELLED LIKE IT. AND MANY OF THE INDIANS HAD BEEN KILLED, BUT SOME OF THEM HAD SURVIVED THAT CHRISTIAN SHIT STORM, AND WERE CONVERTED. TO VOODOOO!
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
