Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is better than this.
I wanted to respond to Chad earlier, but I was so busy, I simply did not have the time. Nevertheless, what I need to say is so important, I knew I simply had to allocate a few minutes to write a brief letter on the subject. My hope is that the following text will delight the critical and offer food for thought to those contemplating Chad's immoral plans for the future. He extricates himself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice.
Chad has planted his jackals everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance Chad's ability to blow the whole situation way out of proportion, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that we should agree on definitions before saying anything further about his subhuman, frightful activities. For starters, let's say that “revisionism” is “that which makes Chad yearn to exercise both subtlety and thoroughness in managing both the news and the entertainment that gets presented to us.” There is more at play here than his purely political game of robbing, stealing, cheating, and murdering. There are ideologies at work, hidden agendas to destroy the lives of good, honest people. Tell Chad that he should stop and savor life, not terrorize the public, and you'll hear a loud “Clang!” as his mind slams shut. He doesn't want to hear that. He doesn't want to believe that he says he's going to cultivate an unhealthy sense of victimhood as soon as our backs are turned. Good old Chad. He just loves to open his mouth and let all kinds of things come out without listening to how poxy they sound.
The bulk of insufferable, ostentatious sociopaths are at least marginally tolerable but not Chad. One can usually be pretty sure when he's lying. Sometimes there's a little doubt: maybe it's not a deliberate lie but merely a difference of opinion. But when Chad claims that everything is happy and fine and good, there's no room for ambiguity: he's lying. If you've read this far then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. Chad has been supplying the chains that bind the individual to notions of self-loathing and unworthiness. That's just a tiny facet of what all of us will face if we let him exert more and more control over other individuals. I'm sticking out my neck a bit in talking about his fusillades. It's quite likely he will try to retaliate against me for my telling you that Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that Chad finds enemies everywhere. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Chad does, and that's why he would like to see all of our individual liberties digest in the bowels of an all-powerful State. As obvious as that may seem, it bears emphasizing, if only because for many people, Chad's birdbrained modes of thought have caused substantial pain and suffering, mental anguish, emotional distress, post-traumatic stress, sleeplessness, indignities and embarrassment, degradation, injury to reputation, and restrictions on personal freedom. Whew! The only thing they haven't yet caused, surprisingly, is a greater realization that if you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem. The take-away message of this letter is that it is repulsive and more than smarmy to believe that Chad can conceal information and, occasionally, blatantly lie and get away with it. We should hold these words to our bosom, use them as a shield against Chad's inequities, and wield them unilaterally against those who would put the public peace perpetually in danger.
