(Lyrics to "Ain't No Rest for the Triggered")

Well I shared a thought online
It was an innocuous tweet
I didn't really think much of it at the time
But then a couple of days later
I was fired from my job
And the reason left me well beyond surprised
Someone had taken what I said
Wrote a ridiculous op-ed
And spread it all over the goddamn internet
I came in contact with the author
And I asked her, "Hey, what gives"
She messaged me and this is what she said:

"Oh, there ain't no rest for the triggered
We're easily displeased
We've got hair to dye
We've got tears to cry
Please gimme your sympathy
No I won't let loose, I get my news
From places like Salon
No there ain't no rest for the triggered
Donate to my Patreon"

Not even fifteen minutes later
I had come across a crowd
It was a protest over something someone said
They called for the resignation
Of a man who seemed quite patient
In explaining what it was he really meant
Apparently the crowd was mad
That he didn't wanna ban
Halloween costumes that might have offended some
When I tried to intervene
A lady lunged out right at me
She summoned some muscle, and then began to hum

"Oh, there ain't no rest for the triggered
We're easily displeased
We've got hair to dye
We've got tears to cry
Please gimme your sympathy
No I won't let loose, I get my news
From places like Polygon
No there ain't no rest for the triggered
Donate to my Patreon"

So now a couple hours passed
I'm walking up to my front door
But from my peripheral vision I could see
That a man had dropped his keys
And like a gymnast on trapeze
I caught them in mid-air and said, "Sir, you dropped these"
He turned around in pure disgust
He said, "I'm not even a man
I'm a bigendered girl with manly tendencies"
I said, "Okay, Sir, whatever"
And he called up the police
Now I'm serving six to ten because I dared to disagree

"Oh, there ain't no rest for the triggered
We're easily displeased
We've got hair to dye
We've got tears to cry
Please gimme your sympathy
No I won't let loose, I get my news
From places like Salon
No there ain't no rest for the triggered
Donate to my Patreon"