{Submitter’s note: the vide discussed can be found at this link.}

As COVID-19 continues to wreak havoc on a nation rocked by civil unrest in the face of rampant police brutality, Liddle Ben Shapiro is comforting himself by pretending it’s 1985 and fretting over the bad, bad words in a popular rap song.

On Friday, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion released what’s bound to be the song of the summer with “WAP,” a track we called an “anthemic salute to total, unabashed sexual agency.” It’s proudly filthy, with lyrics that unfold thusly: “Yeah, you fuckin’ with some wet-ass pussy / Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy.” What someone like Ben Shapiro, who’s creepily obsessed with Ariana Grande and believes you’re “stupid” if you think rap is “music,” could’ve said about the song is nothing. But since Ben Shapiro needs to placate his audience of racist octogenarians, he decided to clutch his pearls and read the lyrics out loud. In his little voice. And with “pussy” replaced by “p-word.” It’s hilarious and, by virtue of the way he’s able to strip any ounce of sexuality from the lyrics, kind of astounding. (It’s even better than his 2018 rendition of “Bodak Yellow.”)

And because this wouldn’t be a Ben Shapiro joint without some of his famed intellectual commentary, he even leaves us with a lesson. “This is what feminists fought for. This is what the feminist movement was all about,” he says. “And if you say anything differently it’s ’cause you’re a misogynist, see?”

Ah, yes, truly the “cool kid’s philosopher.”