Wives: look for an employee not a partner
Hypergamy means I have to manage her. I know the rules, I abide by them, no baring my soul to her and no assumptions of equality. In some ways we are complimentary, but never equal.
Having my shit together, no woman can be a partner to me. None. They just aren't built like that. And as the relationship manager then, my role is not to look for a partnership but to hire an employee. A high-level one, but someone who will work for me and develop the next generation of employees (children) growing up. That will be her project. Mine is ensuring that the whole system (family) functions.
Finally, things like pre-nups and that sort of thing are contracts signed upon hire, not something I sneak in. I'm up front about it.
Advantages of this mentality:
* I make myself into the best business I can to attract applications and make reception of a business card a big deal.
* See the realities of life. I'm hiring, so will I hire someone who can't perform? If she's hit the wall, has baggage (debt, emotional, high n-count), etc. then I don't hire. Maybe I interview, and maybe I let her buy me a few drinks, but "sorry the position you're looking for isn't available".
* I'm the source of valuation, because I'm hiring. It's not "Oh, look, there goes another angel. I hope she likes me!" No. It's whether I like her. I'm the one with the business here, she's the one with the talent. So I hope.
* Approaches and introductions etc. are easy because I'm the one vetting, not going out to be vetted. Rejection anxiety is low, because I'm just looking to hire, not to find the magic unicorn to complete my broken soul. Flirting is just like a cocktail schmooze.
* I have a goal in the exchange apart from earning her approval (the worst) or even just having fun (which isn't bad at all), unlike the beta mindset where I'm just hoping that whatever routines and clothes and tone of voice I've put together makes her like me. No.
* I am also honest at the outset. No games or tricks. I don't mean that I don't use 'game', but I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not, because my focus is on her and who she is, not on me and how I'm being seen.
* If she wants to move 'to the next stage' then she needs to demonstrate why she should be promoted. Not just the "I'm a woman so therefore pay me more for contributing no personal value to your life".
* It helps establish a reward paradigm for her, so I'm not just thinking "that's what she should do" or "that was nice" and then forget about it.
* Lastly, it helps me get into the mindset that I'm training her. I'm training her to contribute value to my life (her job), not for her to appreciate me contributing value to hers (why would I hire someone to work for them?).
I have made mistakes over and over again with women that the above essentially skirts. Just looking at it from a job POV is so relieving.