So back in 2013, I was struggling really hard with imposter syndrome in regards to being a “real pagan”. I didn’t like the “fog” that being head blind kind of put me into. It was like I’m always surrounded by fog, cut off from signs, symbols and experiences that other people got. And got so easily! That was a lot of jealousy on my part back then, even though I also recognized that there are some benefits to not having to hear/communicate with gods and spirits all the time.

See, I’m still pretty much head blind. I can’t sense like 99% of shit going on around me. Still can’t sense my own energy or magic, not even after trying all sorts of mindfulness, focusing or meditative actions or tasks. They haven’t awoken my inner eye or inner ability to sense things. So, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to, nearly always, not sense gods, spirits, or anything going on around me. So, I still have to rely on divination (my go-to to check on what I think is going on with the metaphysical) to clear up, confirm or detail just what I am doing/sensing/whatever. I may never get to have that “god phone” I used to so desperately want. All in all, the last 7 years have taught me a lot about what you can do, even when you can’t just “ring up” a god and talk to them. I know sometimes it seems like if I had that “god phone” I would be in a better place. However, on the other hand, it is sometimes peaceful and quiet to not have to worry about the potential clamoring in my head at all times.