You would not believe me if I told you this.
I was feeling particularly suicidal tonight, so I figured, fuck it, I'm gonna call the Suicide Hotline and just vent.
According to their website, 97% of calls are answered within 75 seconds.
Guess how long I waited for? Just take a guess. Got your guess in your head? Okay? Ready?
I WAITED FOR 11 MINUTES AND NO ONE PICKED UP. 11 FUCKING MINUTES LMFAOOOO.
I LITERALLY HUNG UP AND CALLED AGAIN AND WAITED FOR ANOTHER 4 MINUTES AND 30 SECONDS BEFORE HANGING UP AND LAUGHING AT HOW PATHETIC THIS WORLD IS.
I waited a total of nearly 15 minutes on the phone and no one even fucking picked up.
I made a r/SuicideWatch post earlier today and someone literally commented "Oh good! :)" on my post before I deleted it.
I am 1000% convinced everything is fake. Everyone is acting. I live in a simulation. This is actually all fake. Everything is actually fake.
I feel like I'm being driven to madness. I genuinely feel completely insane. It's such a life-changing realization. Nothing is actually fucking real.
You are treated the way you are treated by design. If any of you even are real. For all I know, I'm the only actual real person in this simulation and "incels" have just been created by some supercomputer AI that I'm plugged into.
I've ran numbers and I've studied high levels of statistics. So much of the shit that happens to me shouldn't be statistically possible. My life genuinely feels like a movie. Everything just feels so artificial and fake.
Everything feels like The Truman Show.
I'm done playing by the rules.
I'm done being toyed with and played with like a fucking animal. If you are in on this and you're not NPC's or AI designed specifically to accommodate to me, then fuck you.
I've been Neuro Typical my entire life and I've never had signs of autism or other mental disorders or learning disabilities. Yet, I'm still somehow going mad. I feel like Russel Crowe's character, Steve Nash, in A Beautiful Mind. Everything feels like it's collapsing suddenly. Everything, every single day, it just keeps getting worse.
I'm going to free myself from this fucking hell and I hope all of you do the same if you're really here with me.
Bless you all.