Almost everything you described (apart from the audible voice) I went through - actually, I forgot this until I read your story: there was once after a long 3hour debate (we argued Buddhist thinking - which he supports - vs Christianity), he paused and looked at me and said, "It's like you're Married to Jesus Christ." That took me by surprise - he GOT Christianity on some level - human marriage IS a reflection of our first covenant with Jesus.. and I said really quietly, "yes". And he just shook his head and said, "I don't want to marry Jesus." I remember sitting there with tears in my eyes, he was so near and yet so far! The agony was so intense! I mean, I feel sad when I think of friends or family members who are not saved, but that grief was different to this horrible feeling - and I knew it's because I wanted him so badly to be saved, not only for him, but so that I could stay with him. I wanted my way instead of God's way. God was telling me, this is not your job, walk away.
It Was a really dark time - I don't ever want to go back.
I sometimes still feel it in the pit of my stomach when I think about him, and it's what makes me not feel like eating or sleeping or going about life in my normal cheer. And I know it's a spiritual fight inside - but I don't want any more of it. It is getting better, it's not as bad as 2 months ago.
One day at a time. I know one day I'll be ok. :hug: