Religions are funny.
An ordinary religion tells men to crash a plane into a tower full of joos and we will bang 72 hot virgin teenagers in paradise.
A secular religion tells men to be good little slaves for the possibility of some aging 37 year grudgingly settling for them.
I think I'll take the more boxcuttery religion.
77 comments
So, you're happy to believe BS that someone else made up over BS that you just made up?
Them's strong words, indeed.
the possibility of some aging 37 year grudgingly settling for them
And here was I, thinking that you had something going on with Alyx there Gordon.
Oh, and where the fuck is my episode 3?
Odd that no one ever mentions that in addition to the 72 virgins you get 80,000 servants or that the virgins are supposedly 60 cubits (27.5m) tall, 7 cubits (3.2m) wide and 'transparent to the marrow of their bones'.
Source: WikiIslamhttp://wikiislam.net/wiki/72_Virgins
Any idea what that third line is trying to say/referring to? Anyone?
Never mind the fact that "secular religion" is an oxymoron; I'll assume you meant either "naturalistic religion" or "secular moral code and philosophical movement."
I think I'll take the more boxcuttery religion.
Wow, making sick jokes at the expense of the 9/11 victims.
Disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
What the Hell is this Man Going to the Toilet blathering about now? As it's from this site, I gather that "aging 37-year..." was supposed to be followed by "woman". There must be scores of millions of 37- year-old women on the planet, some of whom are aging and others of whom are in their prime. Who does this poster think is a dictator over all of male humanity?
Meanwhile, "joos"? This could be a product of illiteracy or bigotry, but the one does not exclude the other.
Finish your #1 and #2, little man, and then be sure and pull your pants up, but not before you clean yourself thoroughly.
Gordon, please imitate your namesake by shutting the fuck up.
PS. That "aging 37-year-old" is too good for you and doesn't have to settle for you now or ever.
PSS. What they didn't tell you about those 72 virgins is that you'd be one of them.
Gordon, please imitate your namesake by shutting the fuck up.
PS. That "aging 37-year-old" is too good for you and doesn't have to settle for you now or ever.
PSS. What they didn't tell you about those 72 virgins is that you'd be one of them.
Internet Jihadist : P
How pathetic.
37 YEARS OLD IS NOT OLD YOU NIMROD!!!
First off, with the increased lifespans & other factors, 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40 and so on! A 37 year old in 1950 might be kinda vaguely old-ish (sorta) but a 37 year old in 2012 would still be young & fresh!
Chronological age is, for many people, meaningless...some are babealicious & young at 50! Many age well. When Demi & Ashton were an item, I didn't see the big deal over the May-December romance because Demi is very lovely & youthful & they just looked like a cute young couple! Rick Springfield is over 60 and looks like someone in their forties! If you care for yourself, have good genes, get modest nips & tucks, or all or any of the above, you can stay young for a LONG time!
And again....37 IS NOT OLD!
The question is that, if with the first religion, if it turns out not to be true, at least there is not possibility of refund.
Oh, you did NOT just sully the good name of Dr. Gordon Freeman. You did NOT.
If you were really Gordon Freeman, you wouldn't have this problem. Alyx would be all over you. And if she's not your type, I imagine there would be several lovely female rebels who'd wanna get it on with "the Opener of the Way".
But, oh wait, you're not him. You're just some putz who's jealous that Gordon Freeman is OVER 9000 times more awesome than you and could have any woman he wanted. He achieved that level of awesomeness by being a good person and helping others. Maybe you should take a page out of his book instead of whining over the internet.
I'm more pissed off that this ass calls himself Gordon Freeman than I am at the quote.
@#1361380
"@SpukiKitty
37 is old, no matter how much you type in caps. Looks like someone just had a birthday."
Looks like someone is a complete dickweed.
No . . . Gordon . . . you are the monsters . . .?
Oh boy... right now I'm imagining this little misogynist having a private meeting with the 'real' Dr. Gordon Freeman.
The good doctor would doubtlessly come up with a couple dozen ways to dismember this bastard*. Anyone wanna guess which one he'd settle on? >:D
* after all, Gordon has a very nice arsenal of weapons at his disposal 8)
Thirty-seven is not at all old, especially now with the increased lifespan. I'm mid-20s and my girlfriend is about the same, but her sister is 39 and she just a few years older than my girlfriend (but I think that is due to her sun tanning for almost nonstop for almost forty years and the stresses of having children.)
@The Jamo:
WTF are you on about, the real Gordon would be whacing this guy on the head as Barney shot the spineless twerp!
@Sweet Fancy Moses:
@Lpopman Alyx is grieving, give her time. And count me in on the demand for HL 3! At this rate, Black Mesa will be released by the fans before Valve delivers!
Sorry, Mr. Freeman, Heaven has run out of hot virgins. So instead, you get 72 old male virgins. I hope that's okay.
Er, I'm still a sexual novice, but . . . why virgins? Wouldn't heaven be more fun if you didn't have to teach 72 people about sex from the moment you arrive? Who knows how much time you'd have to spend making sure each one knows what they're doing? By the time everyone was ready, it'd be time for you to go back to polishing the flagstones in god's mansion or whatever.
@Vman : Upgraded gravity-gun and a circular saw blade, natch. No other way. :P
Edit: Distant second is a gravity-gun facilitated death by flying toilet.
@Old Viking
In heaven you get the libido and stamina of 100 men in order to cope with that.
Also, as a womans vagina is moist and icky, so these virgins comes free of any such thing. Whether Allah provides endless of lube is not covered in the Koran.
"Tempus
@Vman : Upgraded gravity-gun and a circular saw blade, natch. No other way. :P "
Ahh, good old memories of Ravenholm. *squee*
@Kinderklein
They're supposed to be moist, that's part of the appeal. Looks like Allah has misunderstood how the female body works. Typical male deity...
so you arrive in heaven , Allah says "good job" and gives you the 72 virgins. What then ? say you pop one a week that gives you virgins for not quite 18 months.
Eternity - 18 months = still quite a long time so what do you do ?
@1361380:
"Looks like someone just had a birthday."
Looks like someone (spoiler: you) is in for a bleak, Botoxed and desperate future.
@Elia:
"Er, I'm still a sexual novice, but . . . why virgins? Wouldn't heaven be more fun if you didn't have to teach 72 people about sex from the moment you arrive?"
Oh, guys like this don't want someone with any kind of experience in the sack because then they'd have expectations to live up to. Experienced women (or virgins with an active interest in at least *learning* about healthy sex lives) would know that you're not supposed to just get on your hands and knees and never look at him while he does his thing. They'd know that it's not supposed to last only 45 seconds. They'd know that it's not supposed to be painful each time and that women can have orgasms, too. And they'd know that their partners curling up in a fetal position and crying tears of shame for thirty minutes after an orgasm during which they called out "mommy!" isn't normal at all.
So this is the one who has appropriated the Freeman's name?
image
A most unimpressive intellectual specimen. No, we are not impressed, no no no.
""Ahh, good old memories of Ravenholm. *squee*"
I'm worried about your mental health."
Oh come on, what's wrong with enjoying the fine act of decapitating zombie-equivalents with flying buzzsaws? :D
@Canama: hey, now, Ravenholm was awesome.
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I think that when I finish up Dead Space 2, I'm gonna reinstall HL2 and celebrate 2012 by slaughtering some people with flying toilets. Good times.
"toth
I don't think the Koran specifies that they're hot."
So, one could end up with a huge harem of sickly pale greasy basement-dweller virgins, who maybe even aren't teens - rather live with and off their parents at age 35?
Be careful what you wish for, jihadis >:D
@whatever, That's ageist, not sexist. :P
@Canama, Someone's obviously never played a first-person shooter. Protip: The enemies aren't REAL.
(Unless you were being facetious. In which case, please disregard this.)
Oh please,like a bunch of virgin teenagers would want to have sex with you anyway.You can still go fuck yourself,though.
There's no religion that says "thou that crasheth planes into a building shall have sex with hot teenagers".Probably because most religions existed before airplanes
P.S. Does hot virgins include boys?
Does it really say "teenagers"? Does it even specify the gender of the 72 virgins?
37 is "aging" to you? Sure, as she's not dead, she is per definition aging, but so are you, Gordie? Are you a hot teenage virgin yourself, btw, or are you as aging as the woman you deride?
At least the 37-year-old exists; she's tangible. Those 72 virgins in paradise are as "real" as Schrödinger’s cat is "alive".
Being 44 myself, I think 37-year-olds are fairly young, and I don't consider myself "aging" (except in the literal sense of the word, as stated above).
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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