I will become god

Who of you guys said that no fap is cope but did not even try it for at least a week? A week is not even enough. I will go for 90 days and even further beyond. I am still on it. I have surpassed the week. It is quite easy now. My penis is now calm and not sore anymore.
Currently I am ill. I do have the typical symptoms. Inflamed throat, nasal obstruction and nasal discharge. My body will repair itself until I will reach the peak with a body filled with tranquility and power.
I will also listen to binural beast to enhance my penis. I am also not that interested anymore in female (no cope by the way), but rather with my own masculinity. I clicked on one hyperlink posted by @Veganist
I scrolled a bit down and there was some ad showing a huge dick and some female sucking it. I thought to myself. Why is my penis not that big? Also my hands are a bit too small and fuck my wrists (although my wrist became a bite better). It makes no sense. Why am I a man in the first place if I do lack several traits of a man? I heavily dislike it. i could have been born as a female and I would never have to experienced such things. I would live on instant win mode and i would be manlier as a female than right now as a ''man''.

This is why my main goal becomes more and more obvious. I actually want to become a god walking on earth. This is not meant in some edgy way. I am serious about this. There is no point in living as a man if you are not a god walking on earth. I want to be a tall and enormous creature, full of muscles, with big hands, feets, wrist, frame with a large penis and a big beard.
I need to be the pure embodiment of manliness. The earth have to shake while I walk on it.
Seirously, what is the point of growing older and older? I do not want to become old. I will get older without even a real prospect to at least have a somewhat decent life in the future.

I always remind myself that I will never earn good money. there i no career ladder to begin with. I will will always work in low-level jobs for little money. Even if I get an apprenticeship, this will cost me another 3 whole years. I also will never have a decent relationship with a female. This is just nonsense. I have also no social circle whatsoever.

The only thing left is to become an unstoppable monster. I ordered some ZMA, also some multivitamins from MyProtein. I also take arginine to enhance my penis even more. I need to hit the gym even harder. I need to spit blood.