Viruses are not alive. Every virus is a good virus. When we eat crap; bacteria form to do what our stomach could not. Bacteria eat toxic waste and take one for the team. This wonderful service by bacteria is called the common cold. Pharmaceutical companies sell you drugs to fight this cold. They show you propaganda telling you how bad colds are. They make your cold feel completely unappreciated and scapegoat it like a witch trial.

Dick move, modern medicine. Dick move.

When bacteria listen to the propaganda they lose their sense of morale. After all, you think of them as the bad guy. They get depressed when the mind dumps on them all the time. In this sadness, the bacteria become poisoned. Our cells love the bacteria so they stop what they’re doing and rush in with homemade emergency soap. That soap is called a virus.

Every virus is a solvent that helps you. Viruses pick up the fallen corpses of bacteria who died for you doing their job on the battlefield. They fell protecting you even when you called them evil.

Talk about a real hero.

Every virus in the world is cool as fuck.

Bird flu, swine flu, avian flu, cannot exist outside the body. A virus is soap. It’s not alive. The moment it enters your stomach it becomes a human waste product.

Here comes the HUGE part…

The only way you can be infected by a virus is through injection.

That’s the only way it works.

Why?

Your body is a torus (donut). You have an intake and an exhaust. The entire journey through your torus remains 100% outside your body. The only way to put something in your body is by injection.

This is the only way a virus can survive.

If you love your body, prove it.

Tell your crew out loud, right now. Look down at your navel (comm port) and speak, “Attention, body. This is your Captain speaking. All viruses past, present, and future are hereby awarded the Flying Cross. All bacteria report to the Rec Hall for your Letterman’s jacket. Every one of you has just made the Varsity Squad. Proud of you guys! Proud to be your captain. Now get back to work. I might throw you a rancid tuna fish sandwich tomorrow. Gotta keep you on your toes. Godspeed. Over-and-out.”

Society hides your true body’s power behind words like placebo.