Question: My husband, who claims to be a Christian, shows little or no sexual self-control in our marriage. He doesn't seem to care how I feel (emotionally or physically), he just does what he wants, whenever he feels like it, be it masturbation or the raping of his wife. In addition, he seems to have a problem with pornography for the past five years. I have been counseled by quite a few Christian marriage counselors in the past few weeks, and have been told that this obsession with pornography and the lack of sexual self-control is considered "sexual immorality," which is a Biblical reason for divorce. Is this true? I want a divorce, but only if it can be Biblical.
Answer: If you were to divorce him because of his sin problems noted, then you would be sinning by the divorce. Christians are not like the world, we can't just leave our spouses because we don't like them, we have the power to change them, by prayer. To stay and pray for the Lord to change him would bring God the greatest glory and avoid the serious sin of divorce and its consequences. Your children would suffer a great deal as a result of a divorce.
God can change him if he is truly a Christian. You must pray for him, and pray that God will change him. He must stop the masturbation and the pornography, for that is only adding greatly to the problem. You need to try (and I am sure you have before) to meet his needs the best you can. I know you are all done with him, and he doesn't deserve it, but you both need to try to help each other. It will mean some talking about the problem, and he must agree to get rid of the pornography immediately--rip it up and dispose of it. That also means if he goes to porno websites, that he must delete them and if necessary, get a new email address. There must be some accountability here, somehow he needs to agree that you can check up on him. For you, and I know it will be hard to do, but pray, telling God you need His help for you to give when you don't want to give, and when your husband doesn't deserve it. It is your responsibility to submit to him, and with God's help you can.