Alan John Miller #fundie

Alan John Miller #fundie divinetruth.com

Welcome to the Divine Truth website! My name is Alan John Miller, and many of my friends call me AJ. The beautiful woman you see with me is Mary Suzanne Luck.

Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the earth for the first time. My name then was Yeshua ben Yosef, or the Jesus of the Bible, the son of Joseph and Mary. Mary's name then was Mary of Magdala, the woman identified in the Bible as Mary Magdalene. Mary was my wife then, and the first person I appeared to after I was crucified.

101 comments

old comment by dionysus

Hey now, I see a lot of hasty judgments here. How do you know he's NOT the second coming of Jesus? After all, if religion's taught me anything it's that faith trumps everything and that the burden of proof is on the skeptic while the believer should unquestioningly accept things without any evidence. So unless someone has absolute proof that this guy isn't Jesus then all you're doing is persecuting his followers; just as Jesus said would happen!

Disclaimer: Most people on here know me and know I'm not being serious in this post. To those who don't know me and/or have their satire radars broken, this post is firmly tongue-in-cheek and is not meant to provoke.

old comment by Pule Thamex

Hi Jesus, hi Mary. How are you finding things these days, compared to 2000 thousand years ago? By the way, how's your ol' Dad? We haven't seen Him much in the clouds above Europe lately. He seems to prefer American clouds, and, apparently, Australian clouds as well. Oh well, it doesn't really matter.

I hope you don't mind if I offer a bit of advice? You can always ignore it anyway. But, remember in the old days when you were always doing miracles and that? Well I expect everybody was suitably impressed back in the day. I suppose things were different then. Entertainment was more difficult to come by. I mean, after a hard day commanding the tent, attending to your animal husbandry commitments with the goats and camels, teasing knots out of the ol' straggler, mucking-out and watering the herds of women etc, it must have been nice to recline on cushions with a flask of what, mere seconds ago, had been water and settling down to enjoy a spot of spectacular wizardry. These days though, people will deride you if you do miracles. They'll think you're just a phony magician, or something, after their money. Anyway, unless you can do something really grand, like parting the Atlantic, people just won't be bothered to even look. They'd rather play video games.

old comment by SpukiKitty

"Welcome to the Divine Truth website! My name is Alan John Miller, and many of my friends call me AJ. The beautiful woman you see with me is Mary Suzanne Luck."

How do you do? You seem like a nice normal, average couple!....

"Just a little over 2000 years ago, we arrived on the earth for the first time. My name then was Yeshua ben Yosef, or the Jesus of the Bible, the son of Joseph and Mary. Mary's name then was Mary of Magdala, the woman identified in the Bible as Mary Magdalene. Mary was my wife then, and the first person I appeared to after I was crucified."

.....Until this next sentence, while I do admit belief in Reincarnation & "Jesus & Mary Magdaline were a couple" (though & reject most of 'The DaVinci Code' as crap), I nonetheless advise that you seek a nice, long cozy stay at the "Francis Farmer Hotel", PRONTO!

old comment by Philbert McAdamia

@TheReasonator
"Jesus of the Bible, the son of Joseph and Mary. Mary's name then was Mary of Magdala, the woman identified in the Bible as Mary Magdalene. Mary was my wife then"
So you're saying Mary mother of Jesus is the same Mary as Mary of Magdala and you married her?!
Is this whole Jesus thing just some way you can fulfill an incest fantasy by pretending your wife was your mom in a past life?

And I thought Sophocles spun a weird yarn.

-----------------------------------------------------------

@Anon
I'm curious - what would happen if you took two people who both believed that they were Christ and put them into the same room?

Well, it ought to work out with three of him, if all three could agree to be the trinity. Nah, if they're Xtian fundies, they'd never agree on anything.

"Hi, I'm Jesus."

"No you aren't, I am. I'm God, too."

"No, me, ME I'm God. And Jesus. And The ghost. You guys are fakes"

"YOUare the fake, faker! Antichrist, antichrist, go to hell, antichrist."

"Ooh, I'll smite you such a hard one for that!"

"OK, ok. let's settle this. You can be Jesus, I'll be God, and you can be the ghost. (Ya faker)."

"Oh HELL no, I ain't just no damn ghost, and you can't talk to me like that. My dad, uh, I mean I said so."

"I did NOT!"

Alan John Miller #fundie divinetruth.com

101 comments

Confused?