Why I now identify as a transphobe instead of a gay man.

I first would like to say that I’m not actually transphobic, far from it.

Over the past few months I have been called a transphobe countless times for my attraction to cis men. despite my acceptance and understanding of transgenders and their struggles, I am still called a transphobe. So I embrace it.

I am a transphobe because I love the way men are shaped, their voices, they’re beauty. I am transphobic because I like men who were born male, in all their natural ways and characteristics. I am a transphobe because I love the way men walk, talk, and in most ways, act. I am a transphobe because I love men the way god created them. I am a terf ally because women are perfect, mothers, sisters, friends, who accepted me the way no man would have, and whose rights I will stand up for, lesbian or straight.

I am no longer a gay man, as that word has lost all its meaning. in a world where women can be gay, men can be lesbian, and a man dating a man is straight. I am no longer a gay man, who is required to like a bodily organ that I am not attracted to. in a world where a straight man is considered transphobic for not wanting to date another man, and lesbian women are threatened for not wanting to date men.

I am a transphobe because i am same-sex attracted. I am a transphobe because I like penis, vulgar I know, but in these times, such vulgarity must be said. I am a transphobe because I like the male organ, because I like men who can relate in what it is to be male, from birth until death.

I am not a gay man, that word is reserved for the trans men, who will never know what it was like to come out of the closet, of praying to god every night begging him not to send you to hell for your attractions. Who don’t know what it’s like to be harassed and in some instances, beaten, for looking at another man.

Gay is reserved for the women who chose to be gay, those people who will never understand the constant battle that one faces as a gay person. who will never understand the internalized homophobia, the strain of trying to change ones attraction to “normal”, they will never understand how going through school was like walking through hell. they will never understand the horror and yet beauty of being attracted to your own sex. They will never know what it was like to have a preacher look you in the eyes as he prayed that gay deviants were never allowed to be married. They will never know the joys of waking up to learn that if you ever find that one, you now have the opportunity of marriage, they will never know that excitement, that relief, that instant that made history.

I am not a gay man, for I am not a brave trans man, who believes it is adamant that everyone unlearns their genital fetish, whose trans sisters believe anything other than pansexual is immoral. I am not a gay man, when my gay brothers and lesbian sisters shun me for my same-sex attractions and exclusion of trans men when it comes to dating.

I am not a gay male, because gay men like women, straight men like men, and lesbian women like whatever she’s told to like. I am not gay, I am a man who likes men, a genital fetishist, and person with immoral bigoted preferences. I am not gay, because I don’t like vagina, or women. It took me years to find my true identity.

I am not gay, but a proud transphobe.