Okay, since this was obviously aimed at me, a "fake Christian" according to her, let's do this!
"Why in the world do you call yourself a Christian if:"
Oh fuck, here we go.
"You think the Bible is man-made, and not inspired by God."
The Bible, written by man, inspired by God.
"You think evolution is true and Genesis is just a fairy tale."
Hey, there's this thing called "Taking something figuratively." You should try it sometime.
"You think something is only sinful if it hurts someone, and not if it's against God's law."
That's basically my policy, it's only a sin if it hurts someone else. Besides, what if the Bible condemned wearing silly hats? Does that mean everyone who wears a silly hat is going to Hell?
"You think God is totally supportive of homosexuality."
Unless Ze appears to me in person and says Ze hates homosexuality, I'll just assume Ze's neutral about it.
"You think God is totally supportive of other religions."
Why the fuck should Ze give a damn about other religions?
"You think Hell is a ridiculous myth."
From what I heard, many Christians interpret Hell as "eternal separation from God." If that's the case, Hell doesn't seem so bad after all!
"You think miracles are as real as invisible pink unicorns."
I am skeptical of the existence of miracles.
"You think God just wants us to accept whatever lifestyles exist, even if they are incredibly sinful."
No, I will never accept lifestyles that are harmful. No, homosexuality doesn't count!
"You think God loves pride parades."
Nah, I just think Ze likes to fuck around with people like you.
"You think God wants people to be homosexual."
If Ze didn't want people to be gay, then Ze could, oh I don't know, create them straight?!
"You think it doesn't matter what anyone believes, because everyone's going to Heaven anyway."
A god who sends anyone to Hell because of some trivial bullcrap is a really shitty god.
"You think God doesn't care how you live, as long as you say 'I believe in God.'"
I don't know, according to some Christians, God doesn't care whether or not you do good deeds, but whether or not you kiss Zer ass.
"You think God hates judging."
No, I think Ze hates hypocritical judging.
"You think God loves tolerance for sin."
Ze would never tolerate anything that's harmful.
"You think that when God returns to Earth to rule and reign, He's going to set up a democratic government, and that everyone will have a right sin as they please."
A theocratic government is always a tyrannical government, no matter what religion is is.
"You think only a horribly evil God would ever punish people for breaking His law."
You mean laws like don't wear cheap polyester, don't eat pork or shrimp, and don't have sex with a woman who's on her period?
"You think Jesus supports getting drunk."
So He didn't turn the water into wine at that wedding?
"You think pornography is totally fine."
Song of Solomon ring any bells?
"You think prostitution should be legalized."
Eh, I'm neutral on this whole prostitution thing.
"You think getting high is totally fine."
Hey, did you know that some historians and scholars speculate that the author of the Book of Revelation was tripping balls when he wrote it?
"You think the Bible is outdated and bigoted, and should be ignored, except for John 3:16, and the very first part of Matthew 7, of course."
Listen, all Christian pick and choose from the Bible, even me. The only difference between me and you is that I'm actually willing to admit that while you're not.
"You think God doesn't hate anyone, ever."
I don't trust anyone who says God hates a certain group of people. Why? Because they always seem to turn out to be the same people that those guys hate!
"You think Jesus died so that you could sin even more."
Well, you know how that old saying goes. If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.
"You think the most important thing is to be true to yourself, and be proud of who you are."
Well, what's so bad about that?
"You think self esteem is more important than the fear of the Lord."
From what I read, God's such a "me-first" person, throwing temper tantrums when someone worships someone else.
"You think Jesus hates religion."
If Jesus loves religion, then that must mean God's supportive of other religions, yay!
Just admit you're not a Christian already, would you?
Or rather, just admit that you hate God, you hate His word, and you hate Christianity.
Just admit it, and stop lying to everyone."
Is it inappropriate to play Scottish music right now?
So, how did I do, everyone?