(This is a follow-up to a previous post.)

What God Wants Women to Want From Sex

In Exodus 21:10-11 we read “If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money”. The phrase “duty of marriage” refers to her conjugal rights or in other words, the husband’s duty to have sex with his wife.

So, in similar fashion to Proverbs 5:15’s comparison of sex for men to the human need for water, in Exodus 21:10-11 God compares sex for women to the human need for food and clothing. So, we can rightly say based on the Word of God that sex is a need for both men and women.

And it is because of this truth, that both men and women need sex that God gave these commands found in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4:

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife”.

But just because men and women both need sex does that mean they need it to the same degree?

If we look at the needs that the Bible compares a woman’s sexual need to and then look at the need it compares a man’s sexual need to, we can answer this question.

Which can the human body go longer without? Food and clothing or water? Under temperate climate conditions the human body can go for an extended and perhaps indefinite period of time without clothing. And while food is a more important need than clothing, the human body can go weeks without food. The human being can live 30 to 60 days without food. But most human beings cannot go more than 3 days without water or they will die.

So yes, men and women both need sex. The Bible makes this very clear. But it also shows in how it compares the need for sex in men and women that sex is a far greater need for man. And that is a realization that every Christian woman needs to come to.

Now that we have established that sex is a need for women, even if women do not typically need as often as men. We then have to look at the difference in reasons that men and women need sex. While men need sex primarily to fulfil their physical and psychological thirst for the female body, women need sex for two primary reasons.

The first is that just as God created man with insatiable thirst for woman’s body, God also created women with a strong desire to be desired by man. When a man takes his woman in the act of sex, it fulfills her need to feel beautiful to him, to feel desired by him and ultimately to feel loved by him.

In Psalm 45:11, in a prophecy concerning Christ and his Church, the Bible says “So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him”. When we remember that man’s created purpose is to image God with his life then we understand the strong desire of men toward the beauty of woman. Man’s desire for the beauty of woman’s body symbolizes Christ’s desire for the beauty of his church.

And when we understand that woman was created for man, then we understand why women have a strong need to feel beautiful and desired by men. Men desire the beauty of women, so God designed women to desire to be beautiful for men. Men desire to take and use a woman’s body for their sexual pleasure and to meet this desire in men God designed women to desire to taken by men sexually. It is sin that corrupts these desires in women or causes them to deny these desires they have toward men.

This is why we read from the wife in Song of Solomon 7:10 “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me”. The wife wants her man to desire her beauty. But not just her beauty. She wants her beloved to desire to take her body and use it for his pleasure. In Song of Solomon 4:16 the wife invites her husband to feast upon her body when she makes the following statement:

“Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits”.

And in the Song of Solomon 1:1 the wife says of her husband: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine”.

When we take all of these Scriptures together what do we see that women should want from sex? They should want their husband to desire their beauty and to take and use their body for his pleasure. They should would want him to embrace them and kiss them and by doing all this show his love and desire for them.

But the second reason for a woman’s need for sex, that God has placed in her nature, is her need to have children. This is a defining need of a woman.

Let me illustrate from my own life origin story. My aunt, my father’s brother’s wife, told me recently that when their son was born my mom and dad came over and my mom held their son in her arms. That same evening, when my mom went home, she jumped my dad’s bones and boom, she was pregnant with me.

But outside these two powerful needs that drive women to have sex with men there is another spiritual reason which should drive Christian women to want to have sex with their husbands. And that reason is that they fully realize they were made for him and specifically to meet his need in this area of sex. It pleases him and gives him passion toward them and toward everything else in his life. This should drive any Christian woman to want sex as often as she can have it with her husband.