My cis straight friend includes trans men in the people he could possibly be attracted to because of their genitals. I’m uncomfortable. Should I talk to him about it?
UH? So he likes vaginas... the worst crime you can accuse him off is being shallow!
My husband has clearly stated he will stay with me even if I was to fully transition and he is 100% sure he would still be attracted to me. He also already sees me 100% as a man. But he still identifies as straight (bc he has never been attracted to another man in any way). That is his own identity and I defend his right to say so.
What straight means to you doesn't need to be the same as to what it means to him. If for him it means "attracted to vaginas" then he is not misgendering anyone or being offensive.
Would I consider him straight? I believe I don't have the right to an opinion.
This isn’t a “I’m in love with someone who chooses to transition, and we’ve chosen to stay together, but I also want to keep my identity” situation though. Your scenario is understandable – your partner thought he was entering a straight relationship when you first got together, so if you’re okay with him identifying as straight and he’s okay with dating a man, more power to you.
But this is “I would actively try to have sex with [potentially mutiple] trans men and still consider myself straight”. Which is transphobic. If he wants to do the dirty with trans guys in the future, he’s not straight.
I just think it would be a odd definition of straight, but I can't get behind it being necessarily transphobic. If he sees them as men-with-vaginas he is not transphobic.
Maybe he grew up in an environment where "gay" was a heavy insult and can't shake off some internalized homophobia. Or maybe he is struggling with is sexual identity. Or maybe he is bi, but knows very well that to most people women can be bi, but men are pretending not to be gay (and he is worried women wouldn't go with him anymore, that does happen!)... or maybe he just has a odd definition of straight. Lots of possible explanations before we get to him being transphobic.