My 16 y/o just started working at a pumpkin patch—my first question was, “Do boys work there? Are they all Monks?”
Unfortunately, they are not all monks—Sadly, we cannot sanction Muslim garb (my wife forbids it for some reason). I only wish that the Spirit would make those boys blind for the next few months, that’s all I ask.
34 comments
1. Why are you letting your daughter work in a pumpkin patch with its obvious ties to the satanic holiday of Halloween?
2. Why did you allow your daughter to get a job? Shouldn't she be home in the kitchen with your wife learning how to be a proper submissive wife?
3. For any fundie that wandered in here and thinks the above two points are legitimate questions they are meant as satire.
Your possessiveness of your daughter is creepy and unhealthy.
That poor girl either:
A. Is going to rebel and be knocked up before you know it.
B. Will marry the first guy who comes along to get the hell out of that house.
or
C. Needs a lock on her bedroom door at home.
Guess what? Most teenage boys have enough self control to keep themselves from jumping on your daughter like she's the last chopper out of 'Nam.
Leave it to religion to reduce all men to stupid neanderthals who can't keep from humping every female they see.
"Sadly, we cannot sanction Muslim garb"
Sadly, you missed the implications of your wanting to sanction muslim garb.
Yeah. When someone starts working in a pumpkin patch, the first question you should ask is if all the male employees are Monks.
Logical. Rational. Makes total sense.
doubting thomas' writing style: awesome
anevilmeme's third point: necessary
does anyone else get the impression that reading and posting in the comments help further creative writing? look back in the archives and you had quite a few badly written posts going basically "athiesm FTW!!!1!one lulz fundys r stoopid". nowadays, we clash just as much, and yet it's so much more litterate.
then, we get a post like frostythesnowman's: 12 words, oh so true.
at the op: [insert obvious seed-planting/oat-sowing joke here]
This sounds...thoroughly tongue-in-cheek to me. I don't think it even qualifies as a poe. It's not parodying fundamentalism as much as it's parodying the cultural stereotype of fathers being overprotective of their daughters, a stereotype which has been subject to this type of mockery for decades, and which at this point hardly needs the hints of self-aware irony for the joke to be obvious. I'm not saying people who really do think like this don't exist, but they write as though they take themselves and the issue seriously, as a matter of life and death. this guy, not so much.
Muslim garb?! What - this guy is too stupid to google "modest Christian clothing"? There's a ton of sites out there with "modest" clothing for Christian girls - complete with head covering, long skirts, long sleeves, high necklines ...
Oh, wait. He said his wife forbids it for some reason .... :)
BTW, don't you Christians know that wishing evil on anyone else it sinful?
Oh good grief people---aren't there enough real fundie quotes out there? Read the whole blog--its a bunch of dads commenting on their teenage daughters in a response to an amusing post (by a baptist minister). Mostly they are making fun of themselves. I make the same kind of jokes about my daughters.
Hint: If James H were a real fundie, he wouldn't have let her take the job in the first place.
I agree with others here that this should not be taken literally.
This guy is just a dad worried about his 16 year old daughter. I don't think he LITERALLY wants any boy that sees her to go blind or that he ACTUALLY tried to put her in a burka but his wife stopped him.....
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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