Magicels: The Blackpilling (CARDCELS GTFIH)
Hello there and welcome to my card making cope thread. Will update when I have more ideas, open to feedback and suggestions.
Inspired by Bufophiliac og post:
Transcript(several spoof Magic The Gathering cards:
“Balding Indian Janitor” - 1 Any, 1 Green - Creature - Subhuman Incel - Misogyny 2 (Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked by a Foid, this creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn) - “Show bobs and vagene.” - 2/2
“St. BlackOps2Cel” - 2 White, 1 Any - Creature - Subhuman Incel - Indestructible; Other Subhumans get +1/+1 and have protections from Foids, Normies, and Cucks. - “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” - 1/1
-“The Supreme Gentleman” - 1 White, 1 Red - Land Creature – Subhuman Incel - Misogyny 3; Whenever a Foid enters the battlefield, put a Rejection counter on The Supreme Gentleman; 1 Red, 1 White, Tap, Remove three Rejection counters from The Supreme Gentleman and sacrifice him: Destroyup to five target creatures. - “I don’t know what your problem is, girls.”
“Slaying Queen” - 2 Black, 2 Any - Creature - Human Foid - Whenever Slaying Queen blocks or gets blocked by a Chad or Tyrone, exile that creature and place a black 1⁄1 Spawn creature onto the battlefield - Someone gotta take responsibility for these kids” - ⅔
“The Rope” - 3 Any - Artifact - 1 Any, Tap, sacrifice a subhuman: You draw two cards and gain 5 life. “The ultimate cope, and our only hope. A permanent solution to a permanent problem”
“Gymcel Manlet” - 2 White, 3 Any - Creature – Subhuman Incel - Overcompensate - 1 White, 3 Any (1 White 3 Any: This creature becomes a Human Nomrie until end of turn.); Whenever Gymcel Manlet overcompensates, put a +1/+1 counter on Gymcel Manlet. - ¾
“Nerdy Guy” - 3 Any 2 Blue - Creature - Human Chad - When Nerdy Guy enters the battlefield, gain control of target foid. - “Silly Incels, you know noting about women. Just look at my boyfriend, he’s a total nerd!! Tee-hee!”
“Surgerymaxxing Hopefuls” 1 Red, 3 Fire - Creature - Subhuman Incel - Overcompensate - 1 Red 1 Any; Whenever Surgerymaxxing Hopefuls overcompensates, flip a coin. If you win the filp. put a +1/+1 counter on Surgerymaxxing Hopefuls, otherwise remove a +1/+1 counter from Surgerymaxxing Hopefuls. Then, if Surgerymaxxing Hopefulls has three or more +1/+1 counters on it, sacrifice Surgerymaxxing Hopefuls and put two 5⁄5 white Human Chad creature tokens onto the battlefield. - 2⁄2.
“Tinder” - 3 Any 3 Red - Enchantment - All Foids get +2/+2.; Subhumans cannot attack or block, and their activated abilities cannot be played. - “It’s Over”
“Soy Boy” - 2 Any 1 Green- Creature . Human Cuck - Male Feminist (Preven all damage this creature woould deal to Foids.). “I would appreciate if you left me and my wife’s son alone.”
Transcript”NEET Squad” - 7 Any - Creature - Human Incel - This spell costs 1 Mana less to cast for each Normie or Cuck on the battlefield. NEET Squad’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of untapped Incels you control. - “Can’t beat the NEET.” - */*.
“NPC” - 1 Any - Creature - Human Normie - NPC can’t attack or block alone. NPC gets +1/+1 for each other creature in play named NPC. - “if (offended=true) say “normie platitudes”;” - 1⁄1.
“The Blackpill” - 3 Any 3 Black - Legendary Enchantment - The Blackpill can’t be countered. All Humans you control are now Incels in addition to their other subtypes. All Incels in your control get +2/+2 and gain vigilance. - “It never began.”
“Juggernaut Law” - 2 Any 3 Black or Red - Enchantment - All Foid creatures with power 4 or less have haste. All Foid creatures with power 3 or less have trample. All Foid creatures with power 2 or less can’t be blocked. - “You can’t keep a woman’s dating potential down. She is unstoppable. Any flaws she has, just make her stronger.”
“Lay Down And Rot” - 2 Any 1 Black - Sorcery - Target creature gets -3/-3 until end of turn. Put a -1/-1 counter on it. - “Tour’s over boyo, time to ldar.”
“Wagecuck” - 2 Any 2 Green - Creature - Human Normie - Tap. Put a -1/-1 counter on this creature and put 1 Mana in your Mana pool. It becomes a Cuck until the end of yor turn. Tap: Remove a -1/-1 counter from this creature and draw a card. - “W- Would you like fries with that, sir?” - 4⁄2
“Fakeup” - 1 Red 1 Green - Target Foid gets +5/+0 and gains haste until end of turn. - “I don’t wear makeup for men, I do it for myself.
“Trucel” - 2 Any 1 Blue 1 White - Creature - Subhuman Incel - Defender; Return any Foid that would fight this creature to its owner’s hand instead. - “Be honest guys, is it over for me?” - 0⁄10
“Betabuxxer” - 2 Any 1 White 1 Blue - Creature - Human Cuck - Tap: The next Foid spell you cast this turn costs 2 Mana less to cast. Male Feminist - “Happy wife happy life!”
“Online Dating Service” - 1 Any 1 Red 1 Black - Artifact - 1 Mana, Tap: Reveal the top card of your library. If it’s a Chad card, put the card into your hand. If it’s a Human card, you may put that card into your hand. If it’s a Subhuman card, exile it. - “Just put yourself out there, bro!”