( Ava )
Trans-ID'd people aren't just "existing" when they're pushing the message that a desire to be the opposite sex means you're "trans," without even encouraging you to reflect on where that desire could have come from.
“A desire to be the opposite sex means you're trans”? Yes, it actually does. It’s pretty much a basic definition.
Note that you yourself even used the word ‘sex’. As in, the biological features.
without even encouraging you to reflect on where that desire could have come from.
I have never seen or heard a trans person say that being gender non-conforming necessarily means you’re trans.
Nor have I ever seen or heard a trans person say that chafing under gendered expectations, norms and stereotypes and wanting to escape them means you’re trans.
And I’ve known a lot of trans people.
Yet you people keep claiming such things. About effectively ALL of us.
Let me tell you a story.
Picture a Discord server, moderately large. It’s one of those spaces — leaning far-left, anarchist, and what you’d call “woke”. More than half the population is trans and/or non-binary. Even a larger portion are some type of LGBTQ.
I’m sure you already have plenty of stereotypes in your head about what it must be like in there. Not pleasant ones.
And sure, some of them are true to various extents.
I’ve found the place and some of its people frustrating and exasperating at times. But it was almost always due to their political views, and *never* their transness.
Here’s what happened once.
There was this trans boy, age 16. Minors are allowed on the server, but they’re excluded from the mildly NSFW section. And I do mean *mildly*. So, nothing like whatever insanity you’re dreaming up right now.
I’ll keep him anonymized, of course, and not go through too many details, certainly none that could be connected to his real identity. Privacy must be respected.
He was, from what I can tell, a bright and highly engaged young person. Someone you might describe as “wise beyond their years,” and seemingly more responsible than many adults. However, he is also someone who has been through some shit.
And a significant part of that shit is due to his home situation. Particularly, his mother.
While it’s always prudent to be cautious towards stories you only hear one side from, he had never struck me as someone prone to exaggeration, fabrication or manipulation. He had often spoken about things in his life, and sometimes asked for advice.
As for his mother, I’m not the first person to think that she seems to be a very clear example of a toxic narcissist of a person. Again, I say that with all the hedging and necessary caution that is warranted for one-sided accounts.
This trans boy, he is someone who has had a lot of insecurity about his identity and where he fits in. He has also had a lot of anguish about his relationship with his mother, and has understandable resistance towards the absolutely insane standards of femininity and conformity that she has tried to force upon him.
Now, let’s take a moment to think about the situation I just described.
Do you see it?
A downright ‘classic’ situation, perhaps? Does this remind you of anything?
A trans youth, a trans boy no less? Or as some would put it, a “confused girl” fleeing from sexist standards?
And all this happening on a server of ‘woke’ leftists and trans people.
I could tell you right now, with photographic precision and guaranteed accuracy, exactly what a typical TERF would make of this situation. It’s the most clear-cut, easiest, unambiguous thing ever — a proper slam dunk. They’d be 100% clear on what’s going on here, and have a ready-made interpretation which they’d be so sure of that they’d be willing to put their hand in the fire for it.
And… they’d get burned for nothing. Because they’d by and large be dead wrong.
On numerous occasions, he had doubts about a lot of things. Among them, he questioned his gender identity. Is he really trans, or not? What does he want to do in the future? Would he want hormones, or anything? He wasn’t so sure. Et cetera.
Let me describe to you what happened during one conversation we had with him.
He talked about his doubts and uncertainties like some times before, and was now wondering why there’s such a mess – why aren’t things simple and entirely clear in regards to his identity?
So… having followed what he talked about previously, someone asked him if he’s willing to hear something that could be uncomfortable.
When he said yes, that someone suggested that part of the problem may be that he’s put off by femininity and being female due to internalized sexism and being repelled by his mother’s enforcement of gender norms in particular.
Now, if you know something about trans-related discourse, you might recognize this as the common trope popularized by the so-called “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” theory. A theory which, as it is posited, is ultimately bullshit, but… there may be at least some people who sort of fit into what the theory posits as the default for trans-masculine youth, at least on the surface: that of “confused girls” who identify as trans men in order to escape the pressure sexist norms put upon girls and young women.
The someone who told that to him… was me. And I didn’t do it privately — oh no, I did it right there, in a general chat on that server.
What happened next… would make gender-critical heads explode.
Why?
Well, let’s first outline the image that all gender-critters – yes, I said all of them – would have gotten from what I said.
When I described that Discord community to you, I wanted to make two things clear:
One, that these are people with whom there are many things I don’t see eye to eye with, and thus I’m not inclined to be overly defensive of them. In other words, I have issues with them and criticize them myself.
And two, I wanted you to get an image of what they’re like and what their views are, roughly – so, basically, to get the image that we’re talking about a group which many people would describe as an actual “woke left” clique run by transgender radicals.
So, here’s how the community’s presumed reaction to his situation would look like when you have TERF-o-vision™ on:
The moment he (sorry, “she”) expressed any doubts in his transness, we would all rush to dispel it, reassuring him that he’s very, very trans indeed. And given that we’re talking about a minor who is a “biological female,” he would no doubt have been subjected to cult-like indoctrination, even grooming by the creepy trans women, sorry, the “trans-identified men” that run the server.
And if any of their narrative was questioned, these “narcissistic men” would bite off the head of anyone who didn’t toe the strictly affirming line which they were pushing. Oh, and they’d outright tell him in no uncertain terms to ditch his mother and his family as soon as possible, and join a found family that would accept him as what he really is — that being themselves, of course.
Yeah.
Except… that’s not what happened. At all.
I already told you what I said to him.
Now, how did he react to that? Well, this 16-year-old calmly and maturely conceded that the imposed gender norms he had endured likely did have a hand in his troubles, and he thought there’s some unpacking he needs to do there.
But… now I was in trouble, because the other folks there would bite my head off for being all TERFy, right?
Right?
…
Heh heh.
Well… guess what? Those fearsome, crazy, intolerant, cancel-cultured, woke-radical, queer-theory-addled, Antifa-gang trans people on the server did… nothing like that. Nada. Zip.
Oh, they saw what I said, alright.
But… I wasn’t banned or censured. In fact, nobody gave me flak for it at all! Not an unkind word or a complaint was voiced. Nothing.
Instead, they did what they normally did before when this boy was having a difficult time and questioning things. So… virtual hugs, and trying to be helpful and supportive friends in a quite unassuming manner.
And to be clear, by ‘supportive friends’ I don’t mean “telling him what he is.” In fact, that’s something that in all my time there, I have never seen them do.
Yes — trans people, enbies, wokesters left and lefter, and queers of all stripes. Those whomst the current protectors of children and women — you know, upstanding and long-standing guardians of women’s rights such as Republicans, Tories, church ministers, red-pilled body builders and, somehow, radfem lesbian separatists along with them — would popularly call ‘groomers’ and ‘depraved.’
And yet, when this trans boy expressed doubts, these folks told him it’s okay. If he concludes that he’s not transgender, that is okay. If he changes his mind about something, that’s perfectly fine! His identity is his to figure out and explore, and no one would push him one way or another.
That’s what the so-called “trans cult” and the “woke mob” did to this kid. Oh, the horror!
Again, I have my issues with the people of that server. But in moments like this, they have shown themselves to be decent, level-headed and supportive in what seemed to be just the right way. Thus putting to shame all the very self-assured rowlings, stocks, bari weisses, jesse singals and the various ovarites and “concerned rational centrists” who would smear and pigeonhole them. And yes, they would do so.
And that’s only one personal example of mine. Part of why I’m not as eager to do the popular thing and blather on against people like the ones on that server, especially in the usual general and absolute negative terms.
Oh, also:
From what I saw while I was still something of a regular on that server, the trans boy never did end up ‘desisting’ from being trans. It remained a part of who he was and how he identified… but not because anyone imposed it on him or tried to influence him. It was all him.
