"Imagine that you could listen to or talk face-to-face with satan about any subject that has to do with God."
<imagining ... imagining ... imagining ...>
ME: <gasping> "Satan! You really exist?! What the hell?!"
SATAN: "Precisely. Mua ha ha ha ha!"
ME: "Um, let me rephrase that."
SATAN: "Oh, take your time. We have an etuuuuuhhhhnity to sort things out."
ME: <swallowing hard> "Okaaaaay ... maybe I'd better start from the top. Are you, really, the being named Satan in the Bible?"
SATAN: <stroking his Goatee in thought> "That all depends. Which testament?"
ME: "Um ... New Testament. That's the one in which Satan is the embodiment of all evil in the universe."
SATAN: "Oh, heavens no -- if you'll pardon the expression. I'm the Satan from the Book of Job. You know, the Loki- or Coyote-like mythical figure that goes around causing minor mischief, then goes back and gives Yahweh a big buddy-buddy pat on the back."
ME: "Oh, whew, thank goodness. So you're not the lord of the underworld or anything."
SATAN: "Well, not since geophysicists started doing seizmic experiments to determine the internal structure of the Earth, that's for sure. No, no, there's no reaping of souls or fiery pit of everlasting torment in the Afterlife. Hell's brazen hinges, there isn't even an Afterlife! Your consciousness is a side effect of your brain activity; when your brain dies, your consciousness dies with it."
ME: <suspiciously> "You do understand that since it's you saying it, I can't just believe it without question."
SATAN: "Oh, of course."
ME: "Then, I'd need to talk to Yahweh and ask him if anything you've said is true."
SATAN: "Ah, but even if you did talk to Yahweh, how would you know that he isn't lying to you? He is the Jupiter- or Odin-like chief war god of this mythology, and he does have his own agenda, after all."
ME: "Or maybe you just don't have the clout to get me an audience with him."
SATAN: <sighing> "Guilty as charged."
ME: "So, what are you doing appearing before me in the flesh, anyway?"
SATAN: "I'm the trickster, remember? I'm going to give you a wedgie!!!" <grabs my underpants and yanks them up>
ME: "HAH! I'm wearing boxer shorts!"
SATAN: "Curses! Foiled again!"