A fish heading for slaughter in a New York market shouted warnings about the end of the world before it was killed, two fish cutters have claimed.
Zalmen Rosen, from the Skver sect of Hasidic Jews, says co-worker Luis Nivelo, a Christian, was about to kill a carp to be made into gefilte fish in the city's New Square Fish Market in January when it began shouting in Hebrew.
"It said 'Tzaruch shemirah' and 'Hasof bah'," Mr Rosen later told the New York Times newspaper.
"[It] essentially means [in Hebrew] that everyone needs to account for themselves because the end is nigh."
92 comments
I had the talking fish once, I shouldn't have mixed my meth, coke, hemp and heroin together.
@Odin, so long and thanks for all the fish - the only bit they did right in Hitchhikers when they desecrated it in a movie.
Everybody panic!!!!
image
God really does work in mysterious ways. Communication through dead fish - who would ever have guessed?
If I was omnipotent I'd try a little harder to appear in a way that doesn't make people think that my newfound prophet is a raving lunatic. Or a couple of lying fish cutters, for that matter.
End-times looniness: It isn't just for Christians anymore.
Also, when I had an aquarium, why didn't any of the fishes dispense theological wisdom? Was I using the wrong brand of fish food?
ooh! Jewish fundies! I look forwards to taking the piss out of my jewish (but atheist) friend and colleague who sits next to me by engaging in a bit of tacit racism, just to piss him off :-D
shalom!
(ps. this guy who was born in Isreal thinks the best way to defuse a bomb is to shoot him in the head.. go figure.. the Isrealis have a point..)
The problem with these stories is that everything fits nicely into something the observer would understand.
Like if I was tripping balls and about to chop up a fish, it would be more likely to give me a lecture on the performance and maintainability of microkernels vs. monolithic kernels, rather than say anything in Hebrew.
I might be more convinced had they let the carp live so everyone could hear it.
I guess the fish cutters don't like end-times prophets, either.
Bart: "knife goes in, guts come out. knife goes in, guts come out. knife goes in, guts come out."
This is old. "In January". Yeah, like January 1953. There have been a couple of accounts of dead fish "talking". This is one of the more famous ones. Fish have a swim bladder, and also guts that bloat up with gas if the fish starts to "go funny" through age or lack of proper refrigeration. Most people hear squeaks, squeals, or whistles. It takes a lot of booze or exhaustion to hear words.
Hi, I'm a Jellied Eel. I like living in a jar. Carp will say anything to avoid the knife. Wouldn't you? Ever notice how quiet cod are compared to carp? Noisy blighters carp. Cod are more stoic than carp.
I've taken a sudden fancy to pencil sharpeners and spotted handkerchiefs. I've no idea why that should be. Can I just conclude by mentioning that the BBC is crap.
But they killed it anyway?
And I won't kiss my damn frog because I don't want it to turn into a prince. A prince would probably be a pain in the ass, but a talking frog, now that's cool!
Oh yes, the hasidim always want to make jews look bad.
But The hasidim are not jews.
The ban of excommunication has never been lifted.
I'm forced to ask, how do we know it's message was for humans? I mean, it could have been talking to the other fish. And given its circumstances, it would have been right.
A talking fish, huh? I saw one on a plaque that would flap and sing at a novelty store.
Fundies really need to stop sniffing glue, as they are confusing what is real and what's fantasy.
Luis Nivelo, Christian, hits the carp with the fish knife in the lower body.
Next season, the carp pull all the fisherdwarfs into the river and the fortress crumbles. Or you just pull the lever and turn the whole place into an obsidian parking lot.
Bullshit, a Hebrew talking fish telling everyone the world was going to end in New York would be either...
"everyone needs to account for themselves because the end is nigh." "
The end of the fish was nigh, anyway.
I'm sure it's purely coincidental that, yet again, this was allegedly witnessed only by people who are already members of the appropriate faith and stand to benefit from other people believing their claims.
...Hey, the way the report talks, they killed the fish anyway. WTF. It's like the fish cutter said, "Well, the fish did its job by announcing the end of the world. Bring on the matzo balls!"
Odd. I would have thought that the only seafood that can speak hebrew are Oy!sters.
Oh, and yum kippers.
This reminds me of an episode in the novel The 13th Floor by Sid Fleischman. Ostensibly for kids, but I enjoyed it as an adult. Good storytelling. Fun.
It also makes me want to hear a catfish ask if it can has cheezburger.
@ Won Ton:
You just raised the Bar Mitzvah on humor! We're going to laugh ourselves silly if we don't put a mazel on you. I love the way Yiddish it out.
"A fish heading for slaughter in a New York market shouted warnings about the end of the world before it was killed, two fish cutters have claimed. "
Having squandered a few seconds of my life in the shithole known as New York I could give a shit.
I just love this one. Imagine that God wants to deliver a message to Humanity. How would God go about it?
Broadcast it on TV? No.
Send it out over the Internet? No.
Create a colossal, biblical-scale theophany like the one described in the Book of Exodus as taking place on Mount Sinai?
Send a message out of the mouth of a fish in a fish market?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
