Lol, the “super straight” orientation is literally a channer trolling op, rather than anything even slightly legitimate.
[…] so when their creepy groomer friends told them that refusing a transperson as a romantic/sexual partner is transphobic […]
…is pure #pratt. It’s the constant and sometimes deliberate misunderstanding of a quite legitimate argument. The argument being, basically, that if you refuse to date a trans person solely on account of them being trans, you may be transphobic.
And no, that doesn’t at all mean “if you refuse to date / sexually be with a trans person for whatever reason, you’re transphobic!”. Actual transphobes keep repeating that stupid interpretation ad nauseam, though.
While — in actuality — the people who tend to make that argument in fact fully acknowledge that genital preferences are fine.
Not wanting a relationship with e.g. a trans woman because you’re a dude who wants biological kids with his wife? Also fine.
Just not being into a trans person because you don’t find them physically attractive? Yes, perfectly fine!
The only problem is if you e.g. were very much into a trans person before you found out they are transgender, but once they told you or you found out about it through some other way, suddenly you went “eww!” and lost all interest. Now that might be a good indicator that transphobia is guiding your choices.
If you have two women or two men whom you both find equally attractive, both physically and regarding their personality, where one is cis and the other is trans, you find out which is which and are then repulsed by the latter solely because they’re trans, that’s a likely indicator of a transphobic attitude.
Oh, also, something related to the abovementioned argument: trans people who make that argument often also suggest that cis people do some soul-searching and actually think through why they don’t want to get involved with trans people — which is a request that transphobes and superficial cis people also misunderstand and make a strawman out of.
But when you think about it, you’ll probably agree that it’s a good suggestion.
See, if you get to the bottom of it, you may find that your “repulsion” is really just a matter of having internalized society’s bigotry towards trans people. It’s something that is very widespread, actually, given that for a very long time popular culture has associated trans people (and trans women in particular!) with being disgusting.
You have probably seen scenes in older Hollywood comedies of a cisgender straight dude getting drunk, sleeping with a woman who he didn’t realize was trans and has a penis (Oh my gawd! The horroooorr!!), then he promptly throws up when he realizes it in the morning… even though the trans woman is otherwise an attractive, feminine and perfectly likable person. For 'bonus points’, his buddies now tease him that he’s gay. *annoyed eyeroll*
This sort of ‘acceptable’ pop culture transphobia used to be depressingly common. And it seems like many people internalized it. Not just from films, either; similar transphobic jokes among regular people were also considered acceptable and funny, and often still are even today.
For some cisgender people, a partner with the wrong genitalia is a deal breaker, and always will be. For a few non-bisexual cis people, it already isn’t. But I know for certain that there are people — possibly many people — who really haven’t thought about their “instinctive” aversion at all, and once they do, they may find that it isn’t instinctive at all, and in fact isn’t even really there. It just takes a bit of unlearning of bigoted societal imprinting which they may not have even been aware they had.
Yes, it’s perfectly possible to find pre-op trans women sexually attractive if you’re a straight cis man, or the same with trans men if you’re a straight cis woman. It’s possible, for some people at least, to be ok with either set of genitals, yet still only be attracted to one gender.
Hell, I’m talking from personal experience, too. I’m only attracted to women. But the question of what they have between their legs is pretty much irrelevant to me; if I find her otherwise attractive, I’ll probably find her genitals attractive as well. They’re part of the wider picture, so to speak.
On the other hand, I’m not into men at all. That includes trans men who otherwise transitioned, but didn’t go through bottom surgery. Even if they have female genitals, it does nothing for me. They’re men. What genitals they have really makes no difference for my complete lack of attraction to dudes.
And then there’s the matter of post-op trans people. While I know there are people who still wouldn’t consider their genitalia ‘right’ enough, and that’s fine, I bet there are many others who would find that there’s no problem once they get past the “eww, still gay” societal attitude that they had learned and internalized. Including people who had a problem with a trans person’s genitalia before bottom surgery.
So relax, no one sane is trying to make you have sex with people you don’t want to. And if someone actually is trying to do that, fuck ’em, that’s a bullshit thing to do.
But if they’re just asking you whether you really considered your attitudes towards dating transfolk, or are you just knee-jerk refusing the mere possibility? I’d say that’s a perfectly okay, polite and reasonable thing to ask. And the right answer is to either think about it, or give your already fleshed-out response if you have already gone through the thought process.