These behaviors are NOT wrong or controlling for a husband from a Biblical worldview:
1. He completely controls the finances, even money his wife may earn, and gives her a weekly allowance for groceries, clothing and things that she or the children may need.
2. He sets the discipline polices and rules for the children.
3. He determines where the family goes to church.
4. While he allows his wife to express her opinions on all manner of subjects privately with him, he determines the public family opinions on religion and politics. He determines what the children will be taught from a religious, social and political viewpoint. He also teaches his wife from the Word of God. He does not always expect that his wife will agree with his interpretations, but he expects her to have a teachable spirit and respect for his right as her husband to teach her the Word of God.
5. He expects his wife to fulfill her duties as a wife, including having sex with him and caring for their home and their children.
6. He expects his wife not to disagree with him in public, but that she will keep her disagreements for private discussions with him. Even when she disagrees in private, he expects her to do so in respectful manner.
7. He expects his wife to be respectful of other men as well, especially in mixed gender gatherings. He expects that his wife will not correct other men, or be too opinionated in the presence of other men.
8. While his wife may be courteous with other men, he expects that his wife will never ever flirt with another man. While his wife may communicate with other men in his presence, he expects that his wife will never have a private friendship with any man other than her male relatives (father, brothers).
9. While his wife may find other men attractive, he expects her not to gawk or act in an unladylike manner toward other men.
10. While a husband should allow his wife to have lady friends with whom she can share her feelings and have a bond in a way only women can, he also has the right to restrict her from certain women whom he feels are a negative influence on his wife.
Make sure your husband is truly a controlling husband. If you are bucking your husband for any of the 10 things I stated above that are NOT the marks of a controlling husband, then you need to repent to God and your husband for rebelling against his God given authority over you and your family.
If however, your husband is truly acting in controlling or unloving ways towards you, first examine if you have been a disrespectful or unloving wife toward him. Make sure you have made your own heart right with God first.
Once you have examined yourself, and have addressed any failings you have had toward your husband, try to address the situation with him in a private, and in a very respectful manner. If you are being physically abused get out and try to get help for him. If he will not change, I do not believe you are bound to him in this case. If he is not physically abusive, but refuses to change, you need to pray for God’s grace and give your husband to God.
You are not the first wife to deal with an unkind or cruel husband, and you will not be the last. Our unchristian world says “leave the bum” if he treats you in unkind way. The Bible says to love him even more, and maybe, just maybe you may win his heart to Christ.