Lately..my husband gets really aroused.when i spank the kids and we have sex after the spankings..i will admit..i have spanked them.just to get good sex from him after..

Yes, ma'am. Those who demand obedience GET obedience. I keep seeing this over and over, from so many. If we don't back down, and just keep demanding obedience, then we will GET obedience. Many of us find it hard to believe, but only because we haven't pushed hard enough.

Those children who "refuse" to be spanked, who "refuse" to bring the cane, or the strap, or the paddle, who "refuse" to get into position for it - - apparently they CAN LEARN that "refusal" is not an option.

It is up to us, the parents, to keep insisting, and to keep punishing for disobedience.

Some say they will BRING the cane or strap, and ASK for the whipping, and THANK the parents afterwards. This sounds almost beyond belief to some of us. But there has to be some value in persistence.

The child has to eventually back down, as long as the parent does NOT back down!

I just have a 7-year-old daughter. I am able to control her by myself, but I have no experience controlling boys. At least I can tell you what I do, and hope it would work for you too.

It could be that he isn't taking you seriously because you are more easy-going, in a general sense. This is a good thing not a bad thing, if it means you are the one he can go to for help with a problem.

But when you want him to do something in a certain way, he becomes confused, because you don't speak to him in a forceful and demanding way.

I would suggest you buy a few paddleball toys. You can let him play with them, or force him to play with one for a few minutes each day. But of course, you have to remove the ball and string to use it for spanking.

Write his name on the paddle with a felt-tip pen. This is easy if it's wood. If it's plastic, then you can also buy some large white labels that will stick to it. Cover one side with labels, fitted together, and write his name on the labels. Make sure it's written as big as you can write it, so it's very easy for him to see his name written on it.

When you want to tell him to do something, don't just tell him, and then tell him again, and then threaten to get the paddle.

Get the paddle in your hand, and make sure he can see it clearly, BEFORE you tell him what to do.

You could get right up in his face and say, "I've got this paddle with your name on it. Now, you are going to do exactly what I tell you to do, or else I'm going to beat your butt. Do you understand me?"

You don't have to shout. Speak gently and calmly, but with a commanding tone.

The spanking itself is a form of "communication," but the THREAT of a spanking is even more so. The threat might even be more effective than the spanking itself.

But in order for the threat-of-a-spanking to be effective, he has to believe you are serious about spanking him.

DON'T wait until he continues to be disobedient or defiant for some period of time, and then try to make a big production out of beating his butt. INSTEAD OF THAT, give him small commands often, and a quick smack or two when he doesn't respond immediately.

Suppose you tell him, "It's time for your bath now," and he says, "In a few minutes." Just say, "I'm getting your paddle," and go get it out from wherever it's "hidden." He should start moving immediately at that point. If not, he gets a whack or two, and you tell him again what he has to do.

You should keep the paddle out of sight, UNTIL you want to threaten an immediate spanking. This way, the act of getting it out of its hiding place, and TELLING HIM that you're getting it, will have an effect that it could not have if you left it on display all the time.

You have to be UNAPOLOGETIC about spanking him. DON'T say, "Come on now, I don't want to have to get the paddle! Come on now, I don't want to have to give you a spanking!"

Just say, "I'm getting the paddle!" and quickly get it in your hand so he can see it. DON'T "beg him" to obey you. And don't wait until you are furious.

You might end up actually spanking him less, and getting better cooperation, if you "communicate" your seriousness up-front.

His defiance or disobedience is basically a "misunderstanding." He has the illusion in his mind that you WON'T SPANK HIM, because the last time you spanked him was "so long ago." And you have the illusion in your mind that he WILL OBEY YOU, because you spanked him so recently.

As for actually spanking him, you could still primarily use your hand. The paddle is meant to be symbolic. He should feel the paddle on his bare butt enough to sting, enough so he associates seeing the paddle with getting a spanking. But with any implement, you have to worry about causing an injury. With your hand, at least you have more control.

You can smack him with your hand, and not just on the butt but on the legs. Or you could have a wooden spoon, or a fly-swatter, or a belt folded-up and used lightly.

I had a problem with the fly-swatter recently, because I was experimenting by taping two of them together, and whacking the front of my leg to see how it worked. I ended up cutting my leg with it, so that it drew blood.

With any implement, we have to be very careful. I ended up hitting my leg with the handle, instead of the end-piece. Carol warned me about plastic being "sharp," and I didn't know what she meant. Well, now I know.

Anyhow, you can use these implements, but be careful with them.

Use the paddle to SHOW him that you are prepared to spank him. Get it out of its hiding place WITHIN SECONDS of not getting the proper response. Sometimes you can get it in your hand before you even START telling him what to do. But you can do most of the actual spanking with your hand, even though you have the paddle as a "visual signalling device."

Of course, when he wants something from you, YOU can say, "In a minute." And maybe he has a good reason for saying that, also. But his "good reason" is less important than his obedience.

Any refusal or hesitation, anything short of instant obedience, you say "I'm getting the paddle!" And then you quickly get that paddle in your hand, so he can see it. Even if he suddenly starts moving fast, you should still get it out, and make sure he sees that paddle in your hand, because you TOLD HIM YOU WOULD GET IT.

Considering your approach to discipline, I think what you need is a large dog cage. You can put blankets over the outside of the cage, for top and sides. Then you could look inside whenever you want to, or cover it when you want to, without opening the cage.

Also, there should be a blanket inside the cage for her to lay on.

The next step would be to get a metal chain and a padlock, to make sure she can't open it from the inside.

Assuming that she gets bigger, of course you would need a big enough cage to accommodate a full-grown young woman. She might stop growing taller at about 15, but she would still be legally subject to your discipline.

With the baby pacifier or "dummy" device, this can limit the backtalk, as Rachel says, or reduce the amount of crying.

They do sell "adult baby" pacifiers or "dummy" mouthpieces, some of which have buckling straps to go around the back of the neck.

Again, there is always the possibility of using a small padlock to keep her from unfastening it herself.

There are a lot of cute items you could buy, which are sold as "adult baby" supplies.

You can remind your daughter that she is not a grown woman. She is a child. She acts like a child. And she will be treated like a child.

When she gets whiny, and she's acting like a big "cry-baby," then she can wear a pacifier in her mouth.

They also have cages that look like large baby cribs, with wood beams like "jail-cell" bars.

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If you have a large enough cage, you could cover the top and sides with blankets, and this could be your spanking room, if you can fit inside of the space with her.

Of course, you want to lock the door in the OPEN position, whenever you have to get inside of it yourself.

In any case, as I say, you should plan on her growing taller, and get a large enough cage that she can lay down in it.

A lot of closets might be wide enough, and with wide doors, but not deep enough. You could still use the closet space you have, and add to it by building a new wall a few feet out into the room.

Just tell a carpenter that you need a bigger closet.

Janice they kneel on a hard floor and I expect them to thank me for taking the time to properly discipline them. If they don't they go back over for 2-3 strokes of the stick

I also don't allow tights - white socks and shirt with white knickers which come down when a spanking is applied. Except at bedtime Jane and Michael have to change into their school uniforms b4 being disrobed. That way it emphasises the connection between being the spanking and being obedient at school as well as being a ritual that encourages them to conform.

I also tend to unbutton Michael's trousers and slip his underpants down and likewise unzip Jane's skirt before lowering her knickers for the stick

it's good that the pain last for some days....so they won't missbeheave too soon...my daughter Mariela (11), after a good whipping or canning, is very quiet and obedient, until the pain goes away totally...

Michelle,

Do you let them kneel on soft cushions, or do you make them kneel on a hard floor? Or does it depend on their score for the week?

When respect for parents is connected to respect for God, this is a powerful combination. This means that disrespect for parents is connected to disrespect for God.

You can tell them to say whatever words you want them to say. They can say these words as a prayer to God, while on their knees.

If they don't say exactly what you tell them to say, in exactly the way you tell them to say it, this is disrespecting God, since they are supposed to be in prayerful repentance.

They can apologize for being disobedient. They can ask God to give mom and dad the strength to punish them. They can thank God for giving them a butt to be spanked, and giving you a cane and a strap to spank it with.

Mom and Dad and God are to them a completely unified authority, which they have no choice but to respect.

Karen,

The offense was against YOU, and it was a very personal insult directed at you. You have to be the one to control him, ultimately.

Do you do obedience exercises, as a routine thing?

When they take their bath or shower, you should spend some time with them in the bathroom. While they are naked, you should have them do short obedience exercises.

I like to have a continuous series of orders or commands, and my daughter will do some things for as long as two minutes, but no longer. She can stand in the corner in a certain pose, hands on top of her head for example, and I look at a digital clock or wristwatch. When it counts a gap of two minutes, that is between one and two minutes.

I have her doing things that take much less time, also. I spend somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes, while holding a fly-swatter in my hand, or a paddle with her name written on it.

I don't beat her butt severely, very often, because I don't see the need to. But she is routinely getting a single whack on a butt cheek.

I do the same thing at an earlier time of day, with her clothes on. All except her feet. She has to be barefoot for any sort of discipline.

Any kind of resistance, and that butt is bare in a few seconds.

This is NOT "punishment." It's "obedience." A continuous series of commands. Stand this way. Stand that way. Bring this to me. Bring that to me. Stand in the corner. Hold your arms like this.

I get the feeling you don't do regular obedience exercises. Maybe they would be easier to control if you did.

Our spankings don't last too long. My wife is a very rapid spanker. Depending of why the child is getting spanked we will set the kitchen timer, Recently our 9 year old son got the hairbrush from his mom for 45 seconds. It doesn't sound like a long time but she can dish our about 3 spanks per second so his little hiney was a deep red when the timer went off.

I always follow up my wife with the strap. So after the hairbrush I had him standing up and gave him 10 good licks with the strap. That lasted about half a minute.

On our younger kids my wife uses a thin ruler - again very rapidly paddling his or her little hiney and thighs. We set the kitchen timer to between 15-30 seconds with no breaks in the spanking rhythm.

the use of the stick will usually take no more than 2 minutes but a strapping, usually in the diaper position, can take between 10 and 15 minutes. I always ensure that the children are crying and howling before I finish.

We ended up giving them both spankings. They both got a brushing from me and a dose of the slipper from their father. We also had them write apology letters to their grandmother. We were going to leave it at that but they threw such a fit when we told them they were to be spanked that we decided they needed extended bedtime spankings. At first it was only for three days but they had a tantrum so now it's every night for a week. The way we do bedtime spankings is after their baths they wait in their room in their pajamas. Me or my husband come in and bare their bottoms and we put them in the diaper position and hold up their legs and they get their butts roasted with the spoon. This is only the second time we've done extended spankings and it worked wonderfully. Hopefully they learn their lesson because I really don't want to have to repeat it.