Cruelty and sadism are things she has to supress very hard in everyday life rather than attributes that she has to force. I learnt very early on in our relationship to never check her browsing history as it's like something out of a slasher movie. I never even knew that "gore porn" was a thing until I met her and I very much wish it was something I didn't know existed. And yes, this is all very weird but it's also the reason she chose me as her life partner. I'm the only person who can moderate her and keep her steady. Over the years I've been slapped, hit, kicked, scratched and worse. It follows a simple pattern. She tells me to do something and if I object or even hesitate for too long then she'll hurt me physically. Usually something quick and sharp like a slap or hard pinch. If I still refuse or, even worse, get angry with her then she'll hurt me so badly I'll be on the floor.If she's feeling particularly forgiving then she'll let me rub myself on her foot or leg to pleasure myself as long as I don't get anything on her if I do manage to get off. This is also the only circumstance where I'm allowed to get pleasure, too, which is her particularly sadistic way of ensuring I allow her to continue this behaviour.
This sounds like something more closely resembling a 24/7 TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship to me... With the cuckold/ hotwife facet of the relationship simply being an implication/ consequence of such. Unfortunately... I suspect you'll get lots off guidance to "wake up", "leave", etc... Anything but continuing at your/ her present course/ speed, "organically". I suspect you would get more... Relevant advice within reddits such as r/totalpowerexchange (not as active as it should be, IMO) , r/femdomcommunity (expect majority of feedback will be in her favor), and/or r/bdsmcommunity. Best of Success to you... However you choose to define such for yourself (what I suspect is the difficult bit at the moment)... :-)