Why do black people sound like monkeys?

Every time I hear one of them "speak" I have to ask them to slow it down. They're constantly eeking and ooking, like monkeys. It just sounds like "eek eek ook ook muhfukkuh muh dick" to me. When they try to "speak" in an intelligent manner, I see them scratching their heads, struggling to form a coherent sentence, speaking way too slowly, and using words out of context. Is ebonics actually a separate primitive language, a combination of human and ape speak?

Black males often sound and act like gorillas, showing off muscles, grabbing their crotch and making the monkey noise "ook ook."

Females can be a lot louder and make a high pitched noise that sounds more like "eek eek."

Also, when I visit the zoo, sometimes I notify the zookeepers that one of the monkeys has gotten out of its cage. When they get to the scene, it turns out the monkey was a black person. How can I tell the difference between the two? I usually assume if something looks like an ape, smells like an ape, and acts like an ape, it's an ape.