Welcome to Fundies Say the Darndest Things

You’re looking at an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet.

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

Where did the Ebola virus originate and why has it killed so many people?

God sent the Ebola! It originates where EVERYTHING originates…the hand of God! It has and will kill every soul that it is sent to kill…not one more…not one less!

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

THANK GOD FOR SENDING THE SHOOTER TO CHARLIE HEBDO, KILLING 12 AND INJURING 11 MORE!

The masked gunmen asked for specific people by name before killing them. “It was more of a precision execution.” They were servants of God sent to execute His judgment, ala Nebuchadrezzar (Jeremiah 25:9).

GodSmack!

As expected, the world united with “I am Charlie” signs and postings on social media, expressing solidarity with France and Charlie Hebdo and defiance to God. They claim they will “fight terrorism with common values, freedom, freedom of speech, freedom of the press…” It’s a wonder these hypocrites don’t choke to death on the words coming out of their lying mouths! Those words only mean one thing to them – FREEDOM TO SIN.

Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished. (Proverbs 16:5)

GOD HATES THE MEDIA!

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

You can all join hands and insist that Joan Rivers is in heaven, and it won’t change the fact that she’s in hell!

She sinned willfully, openly and proudly, all the days of her life, and taught others to sin in the same manner. She spent out her days on this earth mocking God with her vile words! She mocked every righteous standard of God! She mocked God’s people who humbly warned her! On Thursday, she learned first hand that God is not mocked! You will indeed reap what you sow!

Are you hearing me, Melissa? Are you hearing me, Connor? Don’t follow Joan to hell! You are in mourning at this hour, but be sure that you are mourning for the right thing! It’s time for godly sorrow! Mourn for your sin, repent, and kiss the son of God!

Repent, or you will likewise eternally perish, America! The Lord Jesus Christ is coming in flaming fire – The kingdom of heaven is indeed at hand!

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

On Thursday, August 28, 2014, Joan Rivers went into a coma, and was put on life support, after something went wrong during a minor medical procedure. One week later, on Thursday, September 4, she died, at the age of 81. The Sovereign God that breathed life into her nostrils – that God whom she proudly blasphemed with her every breath – required her soul at 1:17PM. At which time, by all objective evidence, Joan Rivers was summarily dispatched into hell, where she quickly discovered the melting point of plastic. Ever since that moment, this godless generation of perverts have been tripping over one another while they run to glorify this impudent, lewd, whorish woman, and call her blessed and holy. Shame! Joan is no longer deceived, and deceiving about the nature and power of God, and she wants only two things at this hour: water for her tongue, and truth for her friends and neighbors who are yet alive, and yet have time to repent.

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

In his famous movies “To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar,” “The Birdcage” and “Mrs. Doubtfire,” Robin Williams promoted cross-dressing, drag queens and fags. Our Lord Jesus Christ said in Deuteronomy 22:5: “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.”
On stage, TV and screen he was a fierce advocate for fags. Robin Williams said of these rolls: "If I can use my celebrity status to draw people into a movie theater to see me perform as an admirable gay man and thereby make them a little more positive about gay people, why wouldn't I do it?"
Our Lord Jesus Christ said: “But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the LORD exceedingly.” Genesis 13:13. Teach that or go home. Or rather, teach that or go to hell.

And as if to punctuate his reprobate condition, late on August 10, 2014, or early August 11, 2014, Robin Williams killed himself. He was found hanged by his own hand. Who does that? Well the Bible gives two notable examples: King Saul and Judas Iscariot. Read those accounts and you will find a very similar experience in those men’s lives that Robin Williams’ family describes in his life, especially their cowardly end. Robin Williams spent his life’s resources, time and ability and money promoting filth and sin and he was damn proud of it. “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” [Mark 8:36] Our Lord Lord Jesus Christ is true and faithful. While alive in his ministry on the earth, to warn his friends, Our Lord told about a very similar man like Robin Williams: Go with me to Luke Chapter 12. “And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.” [Luke 12:16-21]

Friends, Robin Williams hated your souls. Westboro Baptist Church loves your souls. We preach to the living not the dead. Repent or Perish.

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

News comes now from Africa that many of their countries are declaring a State of Emergency due to the deadly Ebola virus: http://www.trust.org/item/20140730235718-3w6ds/?source=jtOtherNews2

GodSmack!

Instead of asking God to heal them, they ask the “international community”! No wonder God hates these nations, and sent the little trembling lambs from @WBCSays to warn them all via www.Godhatestheworld.com.

Listen up, and heed Africa, and all surrounding and/or inclusive factions, kindred, tongues, tribes, etc:

Deuteronomy 32:39-41See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever. If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me.

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

(referring to the MH17 crash)

Thank God that this righteous work of God has grabbed the attention of the world. It is time to speak some truth! It is the time to declare plainly and unapologetically: The Judge of All the Earth Shall Do Right! As Abraham declared in Genesis Chapter 18 on the eve of the holocaust that killed millions at Sodom in a few minutes, kind of like this event.

The evidence is compelling that these 298 souls are in hell.

There is no objectively reasonable basis to believe anything else about the eternal fate of these 298. You all have the responsibility to judge between good and evil [Amos 5:15; Luke 12:57] and take forth the precious from the vile [Jeremiah 15:19]: especially at the time of death and eternity.

Make no mistake and nix the lying, maudlin talk: the wicked shall be turned into hell and all nations that forget God. [Psalm 9:17]. These are not giant land masses entering hell, these are persons—one by one—like the rich man of Luke Chapter 16. Read it.

These nine countries, especially those prominently represented amongst these dead–Dutch, Malaysians and Australians– stand tall in the world of rebellious perverts. Go to any search engine and look it up and find that these nations are dominated by false and idolatrous religious practices and policies, and their followers are hell-bound. The first place to visit for complete and accurate information is www.godhatesatheworld.com for your research. And, as a direct result of their idolatry the Lord turns them over to fornication, adultery and faggotry. Read Romans Chapter 1 for that lesson.

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

Once again God is mocking this DOOMED nation which is full of time, and money wasters. Today there is a report of two dozen people being stranded for about two hours on the Ninja Roller Coaster in Southern California: http://news.yahoo.com/two-dozen-rescued-being-stranded-california-roller-coaster-061219304.html

GodSmack!

@WBCSays has told you time and again that when you take the resources that God has given you and squirrel them away, when you should be using them to serve HIM, you are in big trouble.

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Westboro Baptist Church #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

Finally, let us say again, thank God for the death of Fred W. Phelps, Sr. We at WBC are not hypocrites after the fashion of Pope Francis, and we are consistent in our message and in our actions. Thank God for the other 150,000 or so deaths on Wednesday, thank God for the deaths that have happened since, and thank God for all His workings in the earth. Blessed be the name fo the Lord.

This generation is horribly caught in the soul-damning sin of worshiping the dead, and we have told you repeatedly over the years about the gravity of this sin. We partake in no such idolatry to serve as an example of how to properly conduct yourselves in these matters. Compare what you see from WBC at this time compared to what you do every time someone dies. You see no pep rally “celebrating the life of the departed”, you don’t see us putting forth some public show of grief and tears. No funerals, no wakes, no tributes, no scholarship funds, no public memorials or candlelight vigils. Just moving forward with our job – preaching to you, and using every opportunity we can to do so. Why? Because as we have repeatedly told you, this is not about any one of us. This is about the message we bring from your Maker, God.

This is a door of utterance (Rev. 3:8) that God opened for us to speak, and so speak we do. Dying time is truth time, and so we preach truth to you regardless of who has died. Your vitriolic bilge is of no concern to us, and we indeed rejoice in it since every article written, every tweet tweeted, every talking head spouting off about this death puts forth this one blessed theological maxim – God Hates Fags. You cannot dictate to us what our response to this matter is, and we will not be swayed by your overwhelming hatred and vulgarity. We will not be swayed by your faux sympathy and fake concern. We will stay on message. That’s what God’s servants do.

The world-wide saturation of these words in this last week is a blessed testimony to the WBC that we are His people and these are His words. Whether you will hear them or whether you will forbear and resist them is not our matter to resolve. That is between you and God.

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Ms. Broker #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

The scientists have discovered that Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed exactly in the manner that the Bible said it was. If you look at a satellite photo of Sodom and Gomorrah, you will see that a white dot shows up around these two cities, evidence of the intense amount of ash covering them. Also, perfectly round balls of 98% pure Sulphur (brimstone) are embedded in the remaining structures. First of all, there is nowhere on earth that Sulphur is found in such high concentrations, the most is 40% and that only when there is geo-thermal activity, of which there is none in that area. Also, Sulphur is NEVER found as a round ball. It was compared to every single piece of Sulphur at the Smithsonian Institute and none of them match this kind of Sulphur, either in shape or color. The evidence is clear that something out of the ordinary happened over there and the few remaining structures show signs of intense heat and melting. Inother words, Sodom and Gomorrah was DESTROYED and then PRESERVED as a reminder to people as to what can happen when you live outside the will of God. This lie that the gay community is telling is that it was destroyed because of a lack of hospitality is bunk. The word clearly says that ALL the men were homosexual and wanted to have sex with the two angels that God had sent.

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Unnamed author #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

The worldwide phenomenon that is Barack Obama is astounding. Everywhere he goes, you sycophants faun over him like he was a god, and indeed you think he is. An idolatrous Muslim (once a Muslim always a Muslim, so their law says) raised by a tramp atheist mother, there is nothing redeeming about the man. He has called Jesus a liar, and commits the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost every time he talks about the Bible. Behold the three legs of the Unholy Trinity: The Dragon (Satan), The Beast (Antichrist Obama) and the False Prophet (the Pedophile-enabler Pope). They have come to seal your doom while they vainly think they can overcome the Host of heaven. Here is their end, along with all of you maudlin, sickening sycophants: "And the beast was taken, and with him the false prophet that wrought miracles before him, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them that worshipped his image. These both were cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone" (Rev 19:20). That's some change for you!!!

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Fred Phelps #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

While our sign features a rather cute, well-fed and clean frog, don’t be fooled. Various commentators confirm this is symbolic language, representing many things, including:
• Frogs come from and live in mud, representing those who are born in sin and live in pollution;
• Frogs live in water and drink often, like drunkards;
• Frogs swell in size and distend their cheeks, like those who are prideful;
• Frogs represent impudence; and,
• Frogs are loathsome.

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Fred Phelps #fundie blogs.sparenot.com

Our Father Shows His Hate With The Cyclone
Inspired by “Cyclone” (Baby Bash/T-Pane)

Woe
Woe
Woe
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

[Chorus]
Our Father shows His hate with the cyclone
It makes us wanna sing all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
Judgments’ the cyclone

He shows His hate with the cyclone
It has us singin’ all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
The mighty cyclone

Come listen real close
Keep y’r eye on the weath’a
God ain’t talkin’ trash
Gotcha hangin’ by a teath’a
And – just so you know – it’ soon gettin’ cut
Cuz all of you brutes – are showin’ y’r butts

The way you talk y’r potty
You show that y’r so naughty
Y’r thinkin’ y’r in charge
And actin’ all large
All y’r wise are dumb
While y’r left without a crumb
Y’r still showin’ you’re hatin’
While y’re all evacuatin’

When you think about her now
“K” was just a little squall’a
Better pack y’r stuff
Tell y’r friends and folks you’ll holla
Cuz it is what it is – He’s our God and not a nutha
When Hanna shows her stuff
You’d better run for cover

[Chorus]
Our Father shows His hate with the cyclone
It makes us wanna sing all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
Judgments’ the cyclone

He shows His hate with the cyclone
It has us singin’ all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
The mighty cyclone

(It’s a wrap) Like a millstone you will fall real hard
(It’s a wrap) Like a Champi’on fightin’ with a re-tard
(It’s a wrap) He keeps you guessin’ where He’s gonna hit next
(It’s a wrap) Be sure to stock your “kits” with lots of Kleenex!

See what we’re sayin
He aint playin
Yeah, He’s got’chur heads turnin
You gon’ hear it thwack, crack
As His hate keeps’a burnin
Hannah’s so fuego
Ike and Josephine, too
Kyle and Large Laura soon be headed toward you

[Chorus]
Our Father shows His hate with the cyclone
It makes us wanna sing all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
Judgments’ the cyclone

He shows His hate with the cyclone
It has us singin’ all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
The mighty cyclone

Gustav hit hard (and)
really caused pain
When Hanna got here (Heavy)
Rain up to Maine
When Ike gets movin’
He’ll hit you down low, for
Rea reer reer reer reer reer reer reer real

Hey!
God’s Returnin’
You’ll be burnin’
That’s what our Savior promised - for
Rea, reer, reer, reer, reer reer reer, reer, real!

[Chorus]
Our Father shows His hate with the cyclone
It makes us wanna sing all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
Judgments’ the cyclone

He shows His hate with the cyclone
It has us singin’ all the night long
Blowing hard when He turns His hot wrath on
Because He shows His hate with the cyclone
The mighty cyclone

For rea reer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer
Eer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer
Eer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer
Real!