I posted this before at Rapture News under my previous onscreen name of Morgan. But thought I would post it again for any new member who may not have read it before. I wrote it one day about 2 years ago and still reflect back on it often. It is an insight that has helped me a great deal and pray it will help others.
Are You a Decoy?
Some days it seems as though I should never have left the warmth of my bed. Everything seems to go wrong - from
1. dropping my freshly filled favorite coffee cup on my keyboard first thing in the morning -
2. to my computer taking four times as long to process every command as usual
3. and a client calling every five minutes to see if I have that report done yet -
4. To the phone ringing and hearing from every friend whom hasn't called me in 6 months and chose this moment to pick up the phone and want to 'catch up'
5. to every telemarketer in the world calling in between
6. to having everyone I have faxed a report to that day tell me they never received it
At some point - I realize I am under attack. These are not coincidences. And the choice is made - to give in and give up and have that temper tantrum I so justly deserve and therefore be ready to tear off the head of the next person I talk to -
or realize that I am on the front lines taking the hits from the enemy and since he is not omnipresent - if he is messing with me - then that means there is a brother or sister in the Lord who is having a good day and recuperating from a day they need to be able to witness to someone for the Lord.
So, I wave the white flag and accept my assignment as decoy and smile. For, while the enemy was thinking I would destroy my witness and lose my joy - he was wasting his time and another soul was saved somewhere down the street by someone who was not under attack.
I am a decoy in the army of God - reporting for duty!
66 comments
So you have a bit of bad day, and you're under "ZOMG demonic attack!11!" - grow up, seriously. I'm not usually so callous, but damn that whole post was pathetic .
I really like reading the things that some fundies have to say. It really does crack me up. The majority of comments on these, though, are just wastes of space. It's not necessary to point out that this fundie is completely nuts. It really just makes us look like a community of bored people who have too mcuh time on our hands and like to state the obvious repeatedly.
You think the evil athiest alliance is out to get you just because your dumbarse can't operate a fax machine properly or keep hold of a cup?
There are many ways to deal with stress, but proclaiming "I am a tool who is shit at my job, therefore I am the Lord's chosen one" isn't healthy. Get thee to a therapist.
Oh please. You're not under "demonic attack" just because you're having a bad day. How egocentric can you get?
If you want to be a real decoy, sign up with the military. You'll get a nifty uniform and everything. Then they'll let you march around in the desert to flush out those pesky snipers.
I feel her pain.
I mean :
1) I wake up and there's that crusty eyesnot in the corner of my eyes;
2) Then, there is the hassle of having to take a piss (I'm not EVEN going to get into the "Just Woke Up Erection" Thing!);
3) Then, I knock over the bong - THAT's a pisser;
4) Then, I'm outta cigarettes, which means I have paw through the ashtray and (hopefully) find a butt with smokable end;
5) Then, and by this time I've been awake for about 10 minutes and it's about 1:20pm, and there ain't shit on TV;
6) Then, I'm hungry and I discover that there is nothing microwaveable; and
7) Then, the cat's squawking because he's outta food!
So, after I open a tin of tuna for the cat (and worry about the mercury content) - I realize I am under attack. These are not coincidences. And the choice is made:
I go back to bed.
I am AWOL from the Army of God - I am NOT reporting for Duty!
@Dindc:
I've been there man. It sucks big time.
Also, did she maybe realise that her computer wasn't running too well because she spilt coffee all over it?
Woah, talk about delusions of grandeur.
The concept that telemarketers are somehow instruments of Satan seems fairly plausible, though...
Holy shit... you have a bad day and blame it on demons? Suddenly you are SOOOO important that satan picks on you personally? Yeah fucking right. If satan really did exist, he would proabably kill your family and strike you down with boils and some shit. Oh wait, thats gawds territory isn't it.
Take a cold shower and snap out of your pathetic delusions.
Also, "Fundie Persecution Complex" Award
Manwë have mercy! I've had days just like that !
Could it be true? Could I really be under attack?
It's at moments like those that I think of slipping on my Ring. To disappear from all the troubles. Maybe peek into the girls' locker.
But then I remind myself: What would Samwise do?
And I realise that Sauron cannot harm me, because I have a good and simple heart. And I realise that it must be even worst for people who are actually on the front lines of this battle, like Faramir who lost both brother and father to the evil of the Enemy.
You won't get me, Sauron. A Elbereth! Gilthoniel!
I just had this mental image of Elmer Fudd in a big beard with this wooden Ruth trailing behind his boat going "Ack, ack, ack!"
Also, Fanatic-Templar wins. (Damn I'm a nerd.)
1. dropping my freshly filled favorite coffee cup on my keyboard first thing in the morning -
2. to my computer taking four times as long to process every command as usual
3. and a client calling every five minutes to see if I have that report done yet -
4. To the phone ringing and hearing from every friend whom hasn't called me in 6 months and chose this moment to pick up the phone and want to 'catch up'
5. to every telemarketer in the world calling in between
6. to having everyone I have faxed a report to that day tell me they never received it
---
Life sucks, so it must be demons. Classic case of apophenia. http://www.skepdic.com/apophenia.html
I think it's actually god punishing her for not doing the god-commanded work of keeping up the house. Where does she get off doing reports, and talking to CLIENTS!?! That's man's work, according to biblegod! She's just getting backhanded for being so uppity.
I too am a decoy. When I call the telemarketer something that takes both your god and his major orifices in vain, Satan toys with my atrophied soul and spares your pure one. When I drop the coffee cup on my coworker's keyboard--let's see that toadying bastard finish the big presentation now--Satan is distracted running to his puppet's rescue. If I download porn all day, not only Satan but the servers at blondesandhorsecocks.com can do that much less to corrupt you.
You're welcome. Now give me your place in heaven--I think I've done more to deserve it.
Let's see. You are clumsy. Your boss buys cheap, out-dated equipment. You are screwing off instead of doing your job. You are such a fundie fruitcake that your friends can only stand to talk to you once every six months. You are a soft-touch who can't tell telemarketers to leave you alone. You are lazy and behind on your reports. Blaming demons is the fundie equivalent to "the dog ate my homework".
The Decoy! An exciting new strategy for people who are such worthless weak-ass bitches that they can't get through even a partial shitty day without wanting to tear someone's head off! Because if I so much as spill my coffee, I have to turn it into a supernatural attack just to get the motivation to clean it up!
Hey, Ruth-Newsflash! You don't have to be under a satanic attack to be a clumsy stupid bitch!
I don't think she's suffering from delusions of grandeur really, merely delusions of importance. ;-)
Verily I say unto thee, fecal matter verily occureth. Getteth thyself over it.
Todd in Cheesecurdistan
I have days worse than Ruth's about once a week.
I've never once considered blaming it on 'demons' (though idiot coworkers are a possibility). Must be because I understand that it's everyday bloody life .
If you have to attribute supernatural causes to every little thing that doesn't go your way just to avoid going ballistic, you need psychological help. Immediately.
Grin and bear it.
Good philosophy.
Asinine logic.
"I am on the front lines taking the hits from the enemy and since he is not omnipresent - if he is messing with me - then that means there is a brother or sister in the Lord who is having a good day"
Sure he is! I mean, you fundies are always telling us that evil is everywhere!
"I am a decoy in the army of God - reporting for duty!"
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I've got some lovely .50 cal. Depleted Uranium rounds for my Barrett M82A1 I'd like to test out. Now, if you'd like to be my decoy , Ruth, ducky...! >:D
1. dropping my freshly filled favorite coffee cup on my keyboard first thing in the morning -
2. to my computer taking four times as long to process every command as usual
3. and a client calling every five minutes to see if I have that report done yet -
4. To the phone ringing and hearing from every friend whom hasn't called me in 6 months and chose this moment to pick up the phone and want to 'catch up'
--------------------------------------------
1. Shut down the porno site.
2. Hang up the phone.
3. Get your lazy Jesus ass back to work and do the report.
4. No Gawd/demons involved.
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I stubbed my toe yesterday. Gawd obviously takes shit out on me personally. WAAAaaahhh, call the Wambulance.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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