Hmmmm, reminds me of a biblical story!
How the Arsehole Came to be Boss!
23 Thus it came to pass that God, (me), had created the world, and found it pleasing. 24 So soothed by the peace of it all, the Lord, (me again), in all his infinite wisdom, lay down to rest. 25 After all, I had a busy time coming up, it's not all that easy to flood a world you know. 26 In the absence of God, Adam started to quarrel; he quarrelled with Eve, (her fault [not]), he quarrelled with the plants, (his fault), and he also quarrelled with himself (my fault).
27 His quarrel was particularly interesting; All of the various pieces of his body had a dispute as to which should rule man. 28 The legs said that they should be boss, as they moved Adam round and he couldn't do without them. 29 The brain said that it should be boss, as it did all the thinking (which I might add was rather minimal at this stage, hence the arguments with the plants). 30 The heart said that it should be boss as it kept the body alive, and emotions are more important than anything else. 31 The eyes said that they should be boss as they told the body what was going on. 32 The stomach said that it should be boss as it kept the body fed and working. 33 The dick said that it should be boss, as it was it, not the brain that did all the thinking, or at least had come up with the only good ideas so far.
34 Anyway, it was about this time that the arsehole spoke up and suggested that it should be boss. 35 Well the other parts of the body laughed hard enough to wake the dead, but as nothing had died yet, all they succeeded in doing was waking me up. 36 I tell you what, I was mad, but the arsehole was madder, it was spewin'. 37 So it slammed shut and refused to work.
38 At first, life was OK, but after about three days, things started to happen! 39 The legs went wobbly, the eyes went all cross-eyed and couldn't focus, the stomach got sick, the brain went all foggy and couldn't think, Adam got impotent and his heart raced so fast it couldn't do anything else. 40 So there came a time when they all assented and agreed to let the arsehole be boss. 41 The body was now at peace, but it was ruled by an arsehole.
42 And to this very day, that is why, to be boss, you don't have to be good at something, you just have to be an arsehole.. .
Revelations 14, 23-42.
Footnotes from the Author:
- I was quite content with this outcome, as Adam was basically an arsehole and deserved it.
- God knows (actually, even I don't) how this got into Revelations. Wow, everybody's boss, (excluding the Pope's) is an arsehole, what's the revelation about that?
- To all you arseholes out there though, there'll always be a dick out there in the wings waiting to bugger you, so keep on your toes.
The Darwinian Version
Long long ago, a group of apes descended from the trees, who were also descended from small furry mammals, who were in turn, descended from even smaller furry mammals and reptiles if you can work that one out. Anyway, they left the trees for two reasons; one they were sick of falling out when they were smashed on rotten fruit, and two, all the other apes were laughing at how their backs were going bald. These outcasts became the first men. Life was not easy for these exiles, but they gritted their teeth and carried on. Mainly because there wasn't a convenient active volcano to jump into, but at long last they evolved into civilised beings. They accepted their identities as being different and established themselves as individuals. This was a bad move as suddenly the philosopher was created and we haven't been able to eradicate him since. Now the dispute came: The body was great, but which part should be boss.. etc..
