I wonder, who are these awkward boys with their tiny breasts? Why do I now see them every time I go out, usually in low-level jobs they are barely performing?
Let’s assume this is true.
Have you wondered why they are in low-level jobs where they are barely performing?
Depression is, after all, a very common problem for trans people, especially those who haven’t yet transitioned or who may have, but still live in a hostile or non-affirming environment. Same with anxiety.
I would know. Personal experience.
And yeah, I’m one of those awkward “boys” (a trans woman) with “their tiny breasts” right now, in a job in which I’m “barely performing”.
Another reason for many trans women / girls not being in high-level jobs might be because they had to take whatever job they could because they got kicked out of their parents’ home or leave because it got unbearably toxic after they came out to said parents. That happens to quite a lot of us, you know.
That’s also a reason why a disproportionate number of transfolk had to go into sex work for survival reasons.
Have they been previously hiding, slowly cultivating their fabricated appearance, but are now emboldened to “come out” en masse?
Oh, quite possibly true. Yes, despite the mounting transphobia in many societies today, we have indeed become much more visible and talked about during the last decade. Which does have a way of ‘emboldening’ people to stop hiding and come out.
As for the “fabricated” appearance… well, honey, unless you don’t give a damn about your appearance at all and just throw on whatever random clothes are first on top of the pile each day, you too probably “cultivate your fabricated appearance”.
Is it that businesses are desperately trying to hire “queer folk” to meet their social justice quotas, even if these young people are mentally unstable?
Is that an actual question, or a claim? And if it’s the latter… give me some significant evidence, please.
Some see the gender cult as a mass delusion. Some see it as cultural indoctrination by powerful people who want to profit from normalizing gender ideology. Some see it as a mental illness. It’s all true, […]
Some see the gender-critical movement as a bunch of delusional wannabe “gender abolitionists” who actually not only reinforce gender norms and stereotypes, but are the conservatives’ and the far-right’s most prized allies. Some even see them as willing to sacrifice women’s rights just to stop the “transgender menace” — which isn’t that hard to argue, given that we have TERFs on the record admitting it and claiming it’s somehow justified.
Some see TERFs as — generally speaking — deeply traumatized, heavily indoctrinated and insanely paranoid people, more than a few of whom seem to be outright mentally ill (which was likely caused by or made worse through their willing exposure to gender-critical echo chambers).
Some see “gender ideology” as an empty signifier with less consistent meaning than even a term such as “woke”. This empty signifier is a glass you can fill with whatever nonsense it is that you’re pissed off at or opposing, as long as it has some vague relation to the term ‘gender’. Some even see it as a conspiracy theory, or a useful tool for the right wing to open up a new front in the culture wars, enabling it to siphon off the public’s attention from actual issues that affect most people… and into largely manufactured contoversies that the politicians can easily use as low-hanging fruit and a cudgel against their opponents.
Guess what? Yep, it’s all true!
It’s all true, but it doesn’t matter when you are face to face with these lost boys. You can be angry at these boys for putting on “woman face” if you wish. I can understand that response because I am a woman, and these young men pretending to be women are not.
But anger is not what I feel. I feel only deep sadness and sorrow. Because I know who these boys are. They used to be healthy, happy children.
I guess you’d have looked at me and thought me to be a “healthy, happy child”.
I wasn’t. I tried to pretend, but the reality was that I was struggling with constant low-key depression and low to extremely low motivation ever since puberty. I did not give a damn about my health. I wasn’t suicidal, but I hardly cared about life. I knew that the way I lived meant that I was slowly destroying my health and that I was withering away, but I didn’t care.
On paper, I was more or less healthy. I would sometimes smile and enjoy parts of life, so I probably appeared to be happy enough. And my parents were used to how I was, so they didn’t see that much of a problem. To them, I was just “being me” I guess.
They are the boys of friends of mine. They are the boys of parents whose anguished stories I have read on PITT. Even the parents who would never read PITT and who “affirm” are conflicted. They too miss their sons, even as they lie to themselves and the world.
Behind every one of the lost boys, I see a grieving parent.
And you are often correct, other than about us lying. Or being ‘boys’, of course.
I know my mom is conflicted and in a way “misses her son”, because she told me so. It’s not that she has a problem with how I identify or with gendering me; her main worry is that she’s terrified of anything that puts her child at risk. She’s fearful that I might get beaten up if people outside recognize me as trans; she’s worried about what might happen with my body, even if it’s something simple as laser hair removal of my beard.
She has outright asked me, with extreme worry on her face and in her voice, whether I can just stop hormone therapy and everything else and be happy being a man. She doesn’t understand why I can’t, no matter how I tried to explain it. And it’s hard for me to explain properly, because whenever I try to talk to someone but am anxious about it or dread it, I become a stuttering, useless mess. I also get like that when I can tell that I'm making others anxious. I really don’t want to upset others, and I’m very anxious when I do.
I don’t know for certain what my dad thinks. He hardly said anything about the subject since I came out to my parents. That’s very uncharacteristic of him; normally he’s extremely forward and loud about his views on anything and everything, including family matters. He and my mom have often commented on such things, both in front of me and when it’s just him and my mom.
So imagine my surprise when I asked my mom what he has said about me and my transition. I expected it might be a lot; but instead, my mom told me that in the years since I came out to my parents, my dad has said… nothing to her about it.
In the rare moments he spoke about this stuff at all to me, it was to say things like “it doesn’t matter what you identify as,” in the sense of that being irrelevant next to more important things. But for someone so “above it all,” he sure is very insistent on referring to me in the masculine and in still using my deadname without fail. Even in the moments when everyone around him refers to me in the feminine and by my new name, he still refuses to. Yet even so, he says that he accepts me.
I think it’s very clear that to him, I’ll always be his son and nothing else.
I’m certain that all of the gender-criticals, whether TERF or conservative, would see my story as yet another example of a selfish trans-identified male torturing “his” poor parents with gender-ideology nonsense.
Even though I still let my parents misgender me without protest (my mom occasionally tries not to, but doesn’t always remember). Even though it breaks my heart a bit every time I feel they are worried or would rather have me not do something. Even though I only told them about anything related to my transness out of utter desperation and because I couldn’t take it anymore not to.
Now, would my parents want me to detransition?
I think the answer is clear: they would be overjoyed if I did! It would be such a relief to them.
So, is it selfish of me not to?
Well, I know what would happen. Yes, they’d be relieved and happy about it… for a while.
While I would die inside and slowly wither away. And they might be worried about it a bit, but wouldn’t say much. After all, they got used to me being depressed, reclusive, distant and not telling them almost anything about my life. That’s just normal in their eyes; I’ve always been that way.
They might encourage me to seek psychologist help for depression… but how can you cure a depression that’s largely caused by gender dysphoria, while explicitly avoiding to do the one thing that’s proven to help with gender dysphoria? (despite what gender-criticals think about that)
In summary… my parents may think they know what they want, and that it’s what’s best for me.
But if I gave them what they desire, it wouldn’t help them in anything other than the shortest term. The long-term results would be a disaster.
It would actually be wrong of me to do it, even if it would relieve their immediate fears.
If my parents got what they wanted, they would end up immensely regretting it later. Even if they don’t understand that now.
The only way forward is for my parents, and other parents like them, to accept things as they are, not pine for they want them to be.
I’m transitioning, and that won’t change. There will always be risks, and that won’t change either; you can just accept that fact and maybe minimize those risks somewhat. And what I am may be uncomfortable to them… but it’s what I am.
I’d rather they not find it uncomfortable, I really would, but it is what it is.
The situation is not at all ideal, but it’s the best possible way under the circumstances.