A doll formed in the likeness of the Lord Jesus with a movable head and extremities comprised of a torso section including a loin cloth molded into its lower portion and a pair of movable leg sections... The doll is provided with electrically conductive nails which when inserted through apertures in the hands of the doll, mount the doll to a provided cross and close an electrical circuit which illuminates the cross.
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Why stop there, you sick bitch? Make a Torquemada Rack and Wheel, with a victim with strecthable tendons, and breakable bones. A Joan of Arc which can be relit over and over again.
i did see a jesus doll once, i thought bout getting it and putting it in my window for amusement of passers by... but it didnt have 'electrically conducted nails'!
do you love christ? now you too can crucify him and watch him die for your sins once again...
So kids get to nail Jesus to the cross themselves , eh? This sounds as if it would be marketed to anti-Christians, rather than to fundies!
Not only that, but the play scenario is kind of limited; once you've got Jesus on the cross, what does he do there? Nothing. He's just an inaction figure.
I guess the Christ's Tomb With Roll-Away-Stone Action (and which may come with zero, one, or two accompanying angels) is sold separately.
Think about this a minute. This is potentially almost as open to expansion as the Barbie line.
You could have the Upper Room Last Supper Banquet Set, with all 12 Apostles, the various plate settings and food, and Leonardo da Vinci with palette and easel.
You could have the Garden of Gethsamane Set, with Roman troops and Judas with Kiss Of Betrayal Action.
The possibilities are endless for the right entrepreneur! Somebody get on the phone to Mattel!
The possibilities are endless for the right entrepreneur! Somebody get on the phone to Mattel!
You'd need some short production run limited editions to appeal to serious collectors - how about a fig-tree with targets on it for Jesus to randomly attack? "Hey, kids! How weird can you make your Jesus doll act before his followers start to suspect he might be mentally unstable?" That's definitely one for the niche market.
That actually sounds pretty cool.
But instead of illuminating the CROSS when you plug his hands in, I think it should illuminate JESUS. With big, bright, red light. And maybe have it play an electonic audio recording of some guy screaming "AAAAAAAAUUUGGH!" in pain.
Then you could use it as a Christmas tree decoration, an Easter decoration, OR a Halloween decoration!
...It continues to read, "Attach other electrode and Jesus figure thrashes back and forth, artifical blood spirts from entry wounds, and pre-recorded voice screams: 'OH, F*CK THIS HURT! LET ME DIE! OH, THE UNBEARBABLE PAIN! F*CK YOU, YOU CRUEL GAAAWWWWD!'...
Okay, I'm joking.
This sounds f*cking twisted, man...
But think of all the money you could fleece off the fundy-sheeple with this warped nifty@$$ toy.
I mean, they're the type who get off a big soggy wad on the gorebucket-pr0n "Passion of the Christ," right??
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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