Welcome to Fundies Say the Darndest Things

You’re looking at an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet.

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Orrin Hatch #racist google.com

The Bears Ears proclamation was historic, creating an innovative tribal commission to help manage the monument. The new preserve grants “traditional ecological knowledge amassed by the Native Americans” the status of “a resource to be protected and used in understanding and managing this landscape sustainably for generations to come.”

At the core of that understanding of the land is a sense of wholeness, of interconnection. As the Inter-Tribal Coalition said in response to Zinke’s announcement, “The Bears Ears region is not a series of isolated objects, but the object itself, a connected, living landscape, where the place, not a collection of items, must be protected.”

When Zinke came to Utah in May on a “listening tour,” he spent just one hour with the leaders of the Inter-Tribal Coalition and several days with politicians ferociously intent on undoing Obama’s legacy. One of them, Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch, dismissed seven years of grass-roots work by Indian people, in Indian country, who gathered the data necessary to propose significant protection for Bears Ears.

The tribes, the GOP senator said, were “manipulated” by the “far left.” “The Indians,” he said, “they don't fully understand that a lot of the things that they currently take for granted on those lands, they won’t be able to do. Just take my word for it.”

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Roger Waters #conspiracy google.com

"It has nothing to do with humanitarian aid at all," the 75-year old Waters said. "It has to do with Richard Branson ... having bought the US saying, 'We have decided to take over Venezuela, for whatever our reasons may be.'"

Waters, the British rock group's principal songwriter who penned many of the hit songs on the hugely popular albums "The Dark Side of the Moon" and "The Wall," said the relief effort was part of the United States' attempts to paint a false picture of Venezuela to justify regime change.

To date there was "no mayhem, no murder, no apparent dictatorship" in Venezuela, he said, despite even government data putting the homicide rate among the world's highest.

"Do we really want Venezuela to turn in to another Iraq or Syria or Libya? I don't and neither do the Venezuelan people," Waters wrote.

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Thomas Homan #racist google.com

Acting ICE director Thomas Homan, who will become the permanent head of the agency if President Trump has his way, thinks it’s time to start arresting politicians in sanctuary cities and charging them with crimes.

In an interview Tuesday with Fox News Channel’s Neil Cavuto, Homan said political leaders in sanctuary cities, which don’t cooperate with ICE officials looking to make immigration arrests, are breaking the law when they “knowingly shield and harbor an illegal alien.”

“That is a violation of 8 USC 1324. That’s an alien-smuggling statute. I’ve asked the Department of Justice to look at this,” he said. “Can we hold them accountable? Are they violating federal law?”

When Cavuto pressed Homan on what he’d do if the Justice Department decides that federal law is being violated, he suggested that politicians be held “personally accountable.”

“We’ve got to take these sanctuary cities on. We’ve got to take them to court and we’ve got to start charging some of these politicians with crimes.”

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JANN #conspiracy google.com

Who does he follow roscgild who are they
Created slavery
Murdered 1million native indian
Kiled lincoln to bank rupt america no ine cared

Slavery or else
Created hitlerbto kill jews
Roschilds are criminals
They created league of nations then murdered the tzar
They run america

If amer8cans think roschilds sre jews no thry are not jews wre the most amazing peopke they are kind loving honest they dont dedtroy to win

(I don't think this guy is right in the mind, just look at the rest of his Twitter account.)

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Unknow #fundie google.com

Some people believe in discipline, but not in physical discipline such as spanking. However, the Bible is the final word on what is truth; it is not mere opinion or theory.

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Dave Woof #racist google.com

Graduated with a CPA qualifying MS in Accounting in June 2005. B+ GPA.

June 2005 - November 2005, Kostka Taylor LLC, Parsippany NJ
During the job interview I was told that because they are a small company they offer 3 month of training after that it’s a real wage and manager in 3 years. 3 Month later I asked about a full time wage. For some reason, they thought to insult me and put me under duress. I ended up in a job I was not willing to do for money I am not willing to for while conducting business with people it offends me to conduct business with. I have learned many things here like that Presbyterian churches are used to baptize small domesticated animals and Polkas are nasty people. It’s somewhat contradictory to what I was taught growing up about Slavic Unity and respect for other religions.

Dec 2006 – May 2006, Burton Cieri Delsordi, Upper Montclair NJ
In trusting previous “employer’s” job offer, I had bills and need to take the first thing that came up, just to stay afloat from previous scoundrels. At Burton they used me for the Tax season, making me work excessive hours. They never compensated me for overtime as agreed. I was taught to appreciate Italians for their culture and history. That experience taught me otherwise. Now I perceive Italians as a lower race to my own, sub raise, sub humans.

...

June 2007 – August 2007 KogerUSA Paramus NJ
IT Business Analyst in financial domain was how the job was presented to me. :) I quit this job via a walk out, to ensure we avoid these “jobs” going forward I started to refuse to conduct business in NJ and in Financials. The business owners, they were Catholics, and given the Catholics involved I thought it appropriate to add some nasty words about Catholics and their mothers to my daily prayers!

...

December of 2007 2 Weeks of Morris County Jail.
I have sent a couple of F.U. emails to Kostka Tyalor LLC, I was using my regular email and was not hiding. The educational part of this experience was that I enjoyed it more then any experience listed above. I have met many cool people there, like my manager from Kostka Taylor LLC, he was there under the name of Austin Texas, guess I got him fired. The account manager from K-force was also there.

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CH #fundie google.com

Anyone who’s lived a day in his life (or played summer football in a city park or worked out at a vibrant gym) has noticed that different races have different musculature and athletic talent. Blacks are the most ripped, and often the biggest, particularly in the deltoids and lats. They respond the fastest to resistance training and are amazingly agile on their feet, (something you have to marvel at the first time a black guy with the ball makes a cut around you).

Whites are the most varied, ranging from nerd skinny to hulking well-marbled powerlifter. Few whites can get as defined as blacks, so you really become aware of those white guys who do manage to carve their abs and delts well past the norm for their race. Whites also have wider waists than blacks, and tend to stockiness, although this is far from a universal white trait.

Asians are the slightest and the least toned, and are less varied in appearance than either blacks or whites, (although asian sub-groups, like Koreans, who hit the gym hard can become quite strong in compound movements like the squat that leverage their naturally lower center of gravity and shorter limbs).

Hispanics (or amerindians, if you prefer) resemble their asian progenitors in muscle tone, but not in gracility. And depending on how you define “hispanic”, their physical variance is either very large (think Spanish-Cuban vs Mestizo) or very small (the round mamacita millions).

All these racial differences in physique are far more noticeable in younger men (and women) than in older representatives, owing primarily to the fact that most people of any race get fatter and looser with age, the biological upkeep of their sexual dimorphism becoming less relevant beyond reproductive age, and this symptom of aging is greatly exacerbated by the Western obesity plague, especially in black women who get so enormously fat soon after leaving high school that you’d need a team of archaeologists to excavate evidence of their buried female form.

So, you’d have to be blind or a self-deluding status whoring SWPL leftoid to not notice these differences.

For a while, curious noticers wondering what accounted for their observations would assume that testosterone had something to do with it. After all, T and T mimics are injected by bodybuilders to build huge blocks of muscle. Naturally, one infers that the less muscular-looking races (if not necessarily the less strong) have lower levels of testosterone in their blood.

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Pete Wilson #racist google.com

“[Proposition 187] wasn’t scapegoating. What it was doing was laying out the facts of what it was costing state taxpayers for federal failure,” Wilson said in his office high above Century City, where he still maintains an active law practice.

Later, he circled back: “I may have my flaws but racism is not, never has been, never will be, one of them..."

Inevitably, then: If he had it to do it over again, knowing what he does now, would the former governor still support Proposition 187 and assume such an upfront, personally defining role in promoting its passage?

Yes, he replied, without hesitation.

Leadership “means doing the things that you, in your heart, know need to be done,” he said. “It means making people unhappy. It means making them enemies. Not that I enjoy doing that. But I’m not going to shrink from combat if, to avoid it, you’ve got to avoid doing what you know to be needed.”

Otherwise, Wilson said, “Why the hell run for office?”

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Robert Lindsay #racist google.com

All that aside, let’s get real. Let’s line the 3 races of men together here in the US:

1. Asian men.
2. White men.
3. Black men.

1. Least masculine.
2. In between.
3. Most masculine.*

*The scale is exactly the opposite for females and femininity, but that’s another post. Think about it.

Now, not saying that low masculinity is all that bad, I mean I got a Master’s Degree and I’m a hermit / egghead who sits around and reads books all the time. On top of that, lots of people think I’m gay or bi. So no offense Asian guys.

Asian men’s quite decent and civilized behavior is due to lower masculinity.

Black men’s extremely uncivilized and indecent behavior is due to their extreme masculinity. Look at the imprisonment/woman abuse, etc. rates.

However, women are Cavewomen when it comes to sex. She will choose a guy who seems more masculine. Hence, White women go for Black men and call us pussies, wimps and fags. Asian women in a society with White and Black men will see Asian men as too feminine and go for White guys instead. Black men will be so masculine that most Asian women will see them as some kind of animals from a jungle, totally uncivilized beasts.

A woman wants a man who is *somewhat* more masculine, but not so much that he’s a fuckin’ animal. A White man is perfect for an Asian woman. Somewhat more masculine than Asian guys, treats them better, yet low enough in masculinity as to be quite civilized.

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Grant Williams #fundie google.com

The Official Pokémon Handbook states:

‘Just like people, Pokémon don’t stay the same forever. As they learn and grow they change form—they evolve.’

Pokémon creatures can have up to three stages of evolution and ‘evolve’ at different levels in the game. These higher forms, into which the original characters evolve, are larger and more powerful.

In the mythic Pokémon world, these exotic creatures evolve differently from how life forms supposedly evolved on Earth. Darwinian evolution is not presented here; chance and mutation are not part of the process.

Where the Pokémon live, evolution proceeds through conscious choice! After a Pokémon has fought and won enough battles, the next evolutionary step can be taken to produce a fiercer, more powerful Pokémon. You can choose to evolve your character at that time or you can even ‘devolve’ your Pokémon if you wish.

Some characters need a ‘stone’ to help with the process. For instance, the cute little mouse-character named Pikachu needs a ‘Thunder Stone’ to evolve into Raichu, (a mouse with big pointy teeth that you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley!).

In this make-believe world where Pokémon flourish and evolution is carefully scripted, ‘higher’ life forms are created through the aid and choice of outside sources. No need for Darwinian chance; you just need a few good battles to take the next step. (You don’t even need death in the land of Pokémon because if a Pokémon is defeated it doesn’t die; it just faints, ready to rematch at a later date.) Want to become the pinnacle of your evolutionary kind? Find an appropriate ‘stone’ and the next evolutionary step is yours!

In science fiction terms the Pokémon game seems plausible, so evolution may have found another ‘credibility niche’ through the workings of children’s games. While not teaching evolution at a rational level, it does tend to condition children into accepting as ‘normal’ the idea of massive biological change. (It’s a bit like the slippery ‘bait-and-switch’ definitions that evolutionists used for the word ‘evolution’.)

In the real world, of course, such transformations are not observed. To change one type of creature into a radically different type requires a way to generate totally new genetic information. Evolutionists have still not found any mechanism whereby evolution could pass this unassailable hurdle.

Perhaps Pokémon has finally provided the answer. Is evolution observable, testable and repeatable? Yes, but only in the world of the Pokémon.

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Donald Trump #fundie google.com

Miley Cyrus slams Donald Trump for his ‘sexist s--t’ in wife spat with Ted Cruz

Wild child Miley Cyrus swung her wrecking ball at The Donald Friday for his “sexist s--t.”

The newest “Voice” coach slammed Republican frontrunner Donald Trump for recently sharing a meme that juxtaposed an unflattering photo of Ted Cruz’s wife with a snap of smoldering model Melania Trump.

“Trump can’t stop won’t stop saying stupid a-- sexist s--t!!!! Comparing two women! Are you f--king kidding!” Cyrus wrote in a fiery Instagram post Friday, invoking her own "We Can't Stop" song lyrics. “We will not allow you to destroy everything we have overcome as women!”

The singer also struck a hopeful chord, waxing positive about female unity being “stronger than ever.”

image

“We have an understanding and respect for one another,” she said. “More than trump can say about anyone, his fellow candidates, other races and religions , other public figures , just HUMAN BEINGS in general, and of course animals! Check out his family hunting photos!!!!”

“It’s absolute insanity that this has gone on this long and far!” she finished. “Wake me up from this nightmare someone PLEASE!”

The idiotic spat raged on all week, with Trump vaguely threatening to “spill the beans” on Heidi Cruz and the Texas senator channeling Michael Douglas in “The American President” to trash Trump in a CNN interview.

The feud boiled over Friday when Cruz blamed the thin-skinned tycoon for orchestrating a sordid National Enquirer exclusive alleging he'd bedded five young mistresses.

Trump on Saturday defended himself against critics of his attitude toward women, blaming — of course — the media.

“Wow, this is a tough business,” he wrote. “Nobody has more respect for women than Donald Trump!”

Cyrus’ last Instagram tirade against the billionaire buffoon included a photo of herself weeping alongside a picture of Trump supporter Rebecca Lyn Francis posing cheerfully with a dead animal.

“We’re all just f--king jam between his rich a-- toes!” the pop star fumed. “Honestly f--k this s--t I am moving if this is my president!”

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Nick Peters #fundie google.com

Also, I find much more convincing cases that are specific, like the following one Mike Licona used in his debate with Stephen Patterson concerning a friend of his.

In June of 1987, he’s riding down a highway when he gets in a horrible automobile accident that places him in the hospital for 21 days in a coma. The 21st day in the hospital is the 4th of July. At 4:00 in the afternoon, his church is somewhere at a park having a 4th of July picnic when they stop and pray for Lloyd. Guess what happens at 4:00 with Lloyd? He comes out of his coma. Guess what else happens - there are a number of other people in the same room with Lloyd who were in a coma for 1-6 months. They all came out of their coma as well. That is a miracle.

How do we know this? Because it’s extremely unlikely by natural causes, and second it occurs in a context that’s charged with religious significance.

Our author has to conclude that this was not a miracle, it was just a coincidence. There are several more stories out there like this one, but they all have to be just chance. He has assumed his conclusion from the get-go.

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Anders Behring Breivik #fundie google.com

[Anders Breivik describing the torture he's undergoing and makes demands for better treatment]

The demands include better conditions for his daily walk and the right to communicate more freely with the outside world, which he argues are in line with European rights legislation.

He also demanded the replacement of a PlayStation 2 games console for a more recent PS3 "with access to more adult games that I get to choose myself" as well as a sofa or armchair instead of a "painful" chair.

"Other inmates have access to adult games while I only have the right to play less interesting kids games. One example is "Rayman Revolution", a game aimed at three year olds," wrote the 35-year-old convicted killer.

Held apart from other prisoners since 2011 for security reasons, Breivik wrote that he has behaved in an "exemplary fashion" in prison, arguing that he has the right to a wider "selection of activities" than other inmates to compensate for his strict isolation.

Breivik also wants his standard weekly allowance of 300 kroner ($49, 36 euros) to be doubled, particularly to cover his postal charges for written correspondence.

...

Other demands include an end to daily physical searches at Ila prison, and access to a PC rather than to a "worthless typewriter with technology dating back to 1873".

"You've put me in hell ... and I won't manage to survive that long. You are killing me," he wrote to prison authorities in November, threatening a hunger strike and further right-wing extremist violence.

"If I die, all of Europe's right-wing extremists will know exactly who it was that tortured me to death ... That could have consequences for certain individuals in the short term but also when Norway is once again ruled by a facist regime in 13 to 40 years from now," he warned, calling himself a "political prisoner".

...

In the letter dated January 29 he said that since there has not been any real improvement in his prison conditions, a hunger strike would be "one of the only" options at his disposal.

"The hunger strike won't end until the Minister of Justice (Anders) Anundsen and the head of the KDI (the Norwegian Correctional Services) stop treating me worse than an animal," he said, adding that he would "soon" make public the starting date of his protest action.

...

In his letter Breivik attacks the Scandinvaian media which he accuses of complicity with the "torture" he is subjected to by not reporting his complaints.

He also refers to himself as a "human rights activist":

"You seem to think that we -- all human rights activists who fight for one fundamental human right (cultural self-determination) -- ... are Nazi monsters who should be pushed into suicide," he wrote.

Breivik's lawyers announced in January 2013 that their client had lodged a complaint over alleged "aggravated torture".

"These conditions have barely improved since," his lawyer Tord Jordet said Thursday, adding that he was nonetheless "keeping his spirits up."

Norwegian police told AFP that a response to that year-old complaint is due next week.

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Fidel Castro #conspiracy google.com

[From an AP news article]

Fidel Castro says al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden is a bought-and-paid-for CIA agent who always popped up when former President George W. Bush needed to scare the world, arguing that documents recently posted on the Internet prove it.

"Any time Bush would stir up fear and make a big speech, bin Laden would appear threatening people with a story about what he was going to do," Castro told state media during a meeting with a Lithuanian-born writer known for advancing conspiracy theories about world domination. "Bush never lacked for bin Laden's support. He was a subordinate."

Castro said documents posted on WikiLeaks.org — a website that recently released thousands of pages of classified documents from the Afghan war — "effectively proved he was a CIA agent." He did not elaborate.

The comments, published in the Communist Party daily Granma on Friday, were the latest in a series of provocative statements by the 84-year-old revolutionary, who has emerged from seclusion to warn that the planet is on the brink of nuclear war.

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Sharron Angle #fundie google.com

Angle's remarks about the Second Amendment and Reid came earlier this year on a conservative radio talk show, "The Lars Larson Show." She said that "if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying, 'My goodness what can we do to turn this country around? And I'll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out."

She did not explain what she meant by "Second Amendment remedies" in Tuesday's interview.
Reid campaign spokesman Jon Summers said, "It wasn't a gaffe, it is a philosophy. She has repeated that language many times."

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Canadian Press #racist google.com

"Father in racism custody case says writing on child's skin is free expression

(CP) – 1 hour ago

WINNIPEG — A Manitoba man says the provincial government had no right to seize his children after one of them showed up to school with racist slogans and drawings on her body.

In newly filed court documents, the man argues the government has violated his Charter rights by preventing he and his wife from "expressing themselves to their children".

Manitoba Child and Family Services is seeking permanent care of the couple's two children and final arguments are set for Sept 25.

In its final submissions, the government argues freedom of expression does not extend to writing slogans in permanent marker on children's bodies.

The government also says the couple's racist beliefs were only one factor in the decision to seize the children, and alleges the kids were neglected and raised in squalor.

No one involved in the case can be identified under Manitoba law."

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Islamist fundies in Malaysia #fundie google.com

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia — An Islamic court in Malaysia has sentenced a Muslim woman to be flogged with a rattan cane for having a beer in a nightclub, a court official said Tuesday.

It is rare for a woman in Malaysia to be sentenced to caning — a punishment usually reserved for men in various crimes ranging from rape to bribery.

Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno was sentenced Monday to six lashes and a fine of 5,000 ringgit ($1,400) for consuming alcohol, said a Shariah High Court official who declined to be identified because he was not authorized to make public statements.

Shukarno, a 32-year-old model, pleaded guilty in the court in eastern Pahang state to a charge of drinking beer when Islamic authorities raided a hotel nightclub in August 2008.

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Elior Noam Hen #fundie google.com

The Brazilian government can extradite a fugitive rabbi to Israel where he is accused of burning and cutting toddlers as part of a purification ritual, the Supreme Court said Friday.

Elior Noam Hen and several followers allegedly used knives, hammers and other instruments to abuse children 3 and 4 years old. He faces charges of child abuse, violence against minors and conspiracy.

The Court found there was cause for Hen to stand trial for allegedly subjecting eight children to "intense physical and mental suffering because they were supposedly possessed by the devil."

...Hen, who allegedly acted with four other people, was arrested in Brazil in June 2008 after a 45-day manhunt. Police did not say how or when he and his family arrived in the country.

The rabbi allegedly hit the children in the head and face and burned their hands, the court said. One child sustained permanent brain damage and is in a vegetative state.

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Ethiopian clerics #fundie google.com

ADDIS ABABA (AFP) – Religious leaders in Ethiopia on Monday urged lawmakers to amend the country's constitution to ban homosexuality in a move they argue could further strengthen existing codes.

At a meeting in the Ethiopian capital, nearly a dozen religious figures, including heads of Ethiopia's Orthodox, Roman Catholic and Protestant churches, adopted a resolution against homosexuality, which they termed as "the pinnacle of immorality."

They also blamed homosexuality for the rise in sexual attacks on children and young men.

"This is something very strange in Ethiopia, the land of the Bible that condemns this very strongly," said Abune Paolos, the patriarch of Ethiopia's Orthodox Church.

"For people to act in this manner they have to be dumb, stupid like animals," he told reporters. "We strongly condemn this behaviour. They (homosexuals) have to be disciplined and their acts discriminated, they have to be given a lesson."

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Linda M. S. Dumond #fundie google.com

A doll formed in the likeness of the Lord Jesus with a movable head and extremities comprised of a torso section including a loin cloth molded into its lower portion and a pair of movable leg sections... The doll is provided with electrically conductive nails which when inserted through apertures in the hands of the doll, mount the doll to a provided cross and close an electrical circuit which illuminates the cross.