To be clear, I am not exactly Humphrey Bogart myself. I grew up to be even less of a man than I thought I would. I don't go to office. I don't wear a suit. I don't go to see the philharmonic, smoke a pipe or wear pajamas. I have not read one book about the Civil War. Instead of disciplining my son, I explain why his misbehaviour won't get him ahead in the world. My son is two.

What I didn't figure on, however, was that the rest of my generation would mature even less than I did.

I am a grown man and I am regularly asked by other men - some of whom are 40 or older - if I've seen movies about the Hulk, Captain America and Thor. Some of these men proudly tell me they frequent comic-book stores. People are aghast when I don't know current rules governing vampires and zombies. I go to dinner parties where I am served cupcakes. Every time I'm excited about a new restaurant opened by one of the world's most talented chefs, I find out it is selling burgers, pizza or hot dogs.

I live in a society in which childless adult couples see Pixar movies on dates, get married inside Cinderella's castle at Disney World, play Angry Birds on their phones and read The Hunger Games. Dad I know go to Phish concerts where they do drugs, dance pass around giant balloons and listen to fucking Phish. One guy I know who has a great job and a great wife also has a great life-size Star Wars Stormtrooper in his screening room. Even before the Great Recession, it was totally normal for people to live at home for a few years after college and then, after moving out, remain on their parents' cell phone plan.

In no society in history would I be an acceptable adult: I write penis jokes (almost) for a living, can't fix anything in my house and have a vocabulary that consist mostly of the words cool, awesome, psyched and bummer.

Modern popular culture is even worse than reality. Sure, the heroes of Judd Apatow movies mature, but they clear a pretty low bar: Seth Rogen gives up pot to raise his baby; Jason Segel gets married after five years of engagement; Steve Carell hides his collectible toys to lose his virginity at 40. If our grandfathers could see us, the wouldn't beat us up. They'd spank us.

We are indeed the softest generation. If we'd have to fight WW2, we would have come up with reasons the Germans weren't that bad. That's right: We have become so soft we're French.

To be clear, I am not asking men to be History Channel reality-show stars- hunting, camping, heli-logging and doing other things that don't have much to do with history. I just want them to read a book without wizards in it, listen to a song that isn't about going to a club and sometimes wear clothing other than jeans. It's gotten so bad that even the president of Iran doesn't wear a tie. And Iran is not casual country.

This extreme childishness wear better on women who can get away with cutesiness longer than we can. Sure, they can go too far and wind up as one of those ladies who go pack the back window of their cars with Beanie Babies. But the abnegation of responsibility is the antithesis of manliness. And yes, that's how adults are supposed to talk.

So how can we become a men again and reverse this pussification?

I do not know.