“I called her back to let her know that I needed time to get informed about all this before I could be on board for the change.”
Um…. Why did you hestitate? For the most part, you get word a grandkid is into X, you promise to learn about X, but most grandparents would be cooperative. MAYBE later, after learning more, changing your mind.
I’m guessing you already knew you weren’t going to comply, what you needed was time to find a way to phrase it.
“ All three of my daughters were very distressed by my unwillingness to immediately affirm and, from that point on, all contact with my grandchildren was screened by my daughters.”
Actually, sounds like you were more than just hesitant. If they did not say, “Okay, well, grandma needs a moment” and went straight to scorched Earth, you said something a bit more forcefully than you’re recounting. I have to conclude you’re lying, trying to put a less poisonous spin on it.
“ My only supporter was my youngest son who said he would not attend any family gatherings where my grandson was present if it was conditional on affirmation."
Well, fuck him, too.
“ From the book I learned that using preferred language can solidify the identity confusion,”
Confusion? Ah. Your author is a fucking liar. The science is well-documented and supportive of transition, after a suitable evaluation. You’ve managed to co-conspire with a nutcase who tells you that YOU are in the right. Everything you want to hear. You’re not a victim in this, even though the whole post is about YOUR pain and isolation.