[From an article titled "Atheism is the Uncoolest Choice Ever, and I Can Prove It: 8 Reasons Why Christianity is Cooler than Atheism".]

I've read a number of stories about how atheism is seen as "cool" by many young people, especially among college age youths. That's funny to me because I couldn't think of anything less cool than becoming an atheist. So, just in case any young people are reading, here are eight reasons that atheism is the in-coolest choice ever.

8) Religious people live longer, happier lives, according to numerous scientific studies. I know you atheist types are all about the SCIENCE even though you pretty much get all your scientific information from Huffpo articles with clickbait headlines like "Watch Bill Nye completely own a Creationist!" or "How Rolling Your Eyes is the Greatest Debate Tactic Against Christians!" (Rule of thumb: if the article you're reading contains exclamation points, it's probably not a respected scientific publication.) But I guess because you're an atheist who will live a shorter life maybe you don't have time to read actual scientific journals. I mean, something's gotta' be cut out, right?

But on top of shorter lives, studies indicate you'll be more miserable too. So while your life won't be longer, it might just feel that way.

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3) As a Christian, my wife looks at me like I'm a gift from God. Seriously, to her that's what I am. Your atheist girlfriend (should you ever get one after you move out of your stepdad's basement) will see you as a gel-haired accident in skinny jeans on a lonely rock orbiting a meaningless sun in a mistake of a universe. See the difference? It's kind of a big one.

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1) Atheists have less children and that probably means...well you probably know what that means since you're all about SCIENCE! Once again, to sum up, you'll be miserable, have a shorter life, and quite likely less sex than your religious counterparts. And you thought atheism was cool? Reconsider and repent ye' fools. Jesus said he is the way, the truth, and the life. Left unsaid, is that He's totally cooler than Richard Dawkins!