I didn’t remember being molested till I was 29. I had completely dissociated from years of abuse from toddler till I was 13. Later in life, when I attended group therapy, I would get jealous of those who said the root cause of their sexuality was because of sexual abuse, because at least they had a reason for it. I, however, had no memory of the abuse, so I was not able to pin it as a cause of my same sex attraction. I would honestly blame God, because he wouldn’t change me no matter how much I prayed for it, for many years, so my thought process was he must have made me this way, or be punishing me... But I didn’t want that, my childhood dream was to be married to a woman and have lots of kids, but that dream was crushed after 17 years of trying to change.

Now that I’ve re-experienced the abusive events through endless flashbacks, and doing inner healing for years the truth has finally come out and I’m walking through DID, PTSD, Anxeity, Depression, but you know what Jesus is walking me through the healing of all of it. It’s like I woke up to the truth. He is showing me who I truly am, but at times it is the most painful process ever to work through the trauma of the past. The fact that I am alive is an incredible miracle in itself, and the abusers in my life all claimed to be Christian and attended church. Never chalantly trust any people with your kids, unless the Holy Spirit gives release over that person/s, even then keep a close eye over your children. Every sitter, relative, friend should be held to a high standard and accountable by the community. My parents trusted too easily, and were too occupied by work to notice anything off (and I’m sure we’re in denial too), and were never there to protect me when I needed them. On the outside my family appeared to be an outstanding Christian family that loved the Lord.

Wake up! Beware of the wolves and cult members walk among us! There are more than you think. Protect yours and others kids, I can’t stress that enough. If we fail to protect them from this cancer it might destroy their very God given destiny..