Yet here in the 21st century, Rachel Andelman felt the need to “identify” as bisexual at age 14 when, in point of fact, Florida law doesn’t even consider 14-year-olds capable of consenting to sex. By the time she was a junior, she came out as a lesbian, already sufficiently fluent in radical feminist jargon to invoke “compulsory heterosexuality” as a force of patriarchal oppression. (When I was a high-school junior, heterosexuality sure as heck wasn’t “compulsory,” or else I’d have been getting some of that action.) Whether or not Rachel Andelman ever could have been heterosexual, had a mad scientist erased her memory and transported her in a time machine to 1976, is one of those interesting questions that must remain forever in the realm of hypothetical speculation. Certainly there were many teenage girls back then who were awkward and confused, but they didn’t have the Internet to tell them what to do about their confusion, whereas Rachel Andelman did “countless hours of research and reading” before arriving at her transgender destination at age 18.

Oh, and what a strange coincidence that her freshman roommate at college was also going through a sexual identity crisis. Except it’s not a coincidence, it’s a trend. Isn’t everybody in college going through a sexual identity crisis nowadays? LGBTQIA — pick a letter! Any letter!