A letter to noodlewhores: Please stop calling yourself “Asians,” instead identify as “noodlewhores.”

Dear noodlewhores,

I know it’s very tempting to identify as “Asian” women because you want those sweet victim points from the recent black attacks on Asians, but if you’ve fucked a white guy, you’re a traitor and no longer part of the group. It’s ridiculous to show up at those anti-Asian violence rallies with your white husband (or “hubby” as you call him) or boyfriend and act like you’ve been personally victimized by attacks on elderly Asian men. When in fact you victimize Asian men by insulting them publicly on social media for their small dicks, blame them for the patriarchy, and how you wouldn’t fuck someone who looks like your brother. I wouldn’t fuck you either you miscegenistic whore. Stop assuming I’m attracted to you. If I put on a wig, I’d make a better looking woman than you, you flat-faced pancaked mongoloid piece of shit. And even if you’ve been assaulted, it’s your own fault for betraying your race. God has sent his black servants to punish you for your affront.

A lot of you really lean into your “Asianness” and parade around the culture as if it’s your own, holding flags that say “Love us like you love our food.” You also post pics in kimonos and hanboks and make shitty videos about making origami cranes and cooking Westernized versions of Asian food. But at the same time, in your sexual lives, you are the very white supremecists who you blame for these Asian attacks. You dye your hair weird unnatural colors and get plastic surgery on your monolids and do your makeup so you appear white. You want the exotic advantage of Asian culture as well as the perceived (by you) superiority of white genes. You also want so badly to be white so you can hate Asian men with full force without appearing to be self-hating. But remember, it’s actually blacks who hate and attack Asians, not whites. So you might as well consider yourself black instead of white by your own logic.