Welcome to Fundies Say the Darndest Things

You’re looking at an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet.

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Ramzan Kadyrov #fundie towleroad.com

HBO Real Sports went to Chechnya to examine its Mixed Martial Arts program, which is a training ground for the military in the southern Russian republic, and landed an interview with its dictatorial leader Ramzan Kadyrov.

The conversation led host David Scott to question Kadyrov about the detention, torture, and executions of gay men in his country.

Kadyrov became irritated at the question: “Why did he come here?,” Kadyrov asked of Scott. “What’s the point of these questions?”

Kadyrov repeated a common assertion that there aren’t any gays in Chechnya, but it was his extended answer that provided a chilling glimpse into the mindset of this murderous leader.

“This is nonsense. We don’t have those kinds of people here. We don’t have any gays. If there are any take them to Canada. Praise be to God. Take them far from us so we don’t have them at home. To purify our blood, if there are any here take them.”

Added Kadyrov:

“They are devils. They are for sale. They are not people. God damn them for what they are accusing us of. They will have to answer to the Almighty for this.”

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Roger Stone and Alex Jones #conspiracy towleroad.com

ROGER STONE: I want to raise this question, though. Why is it that General [James] Mattis, General [H.R.] McMaster, John Brennan, formerly of the CIA, Michael Hayden, formerly of the CIA, and James Clapper. Why do these guys all have shaved heads?

ALEX JONES (HOST): Because that’s part of being a leather daddy.

STONE: Is it some secret club or something that they’re in? I mean, it defies the odds of coincidence, that every one of these guys have the same kind of look. There it is. Extraordinary. By the way [McMaster’s] smirk at the end of this kind of gives the whole thing away.

JONES: He looks like he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

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joel5454 #fundie towleroad.com

[Comment on an article about a security guard being arrested for assaulting a transgender woman]

The Image of this Man dressing,acting,like a WOMEN is RACIST! He need to go to a PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL BY ANY MEANS NESSASARY! HE IS A STEPPIN FITCHIT SAMBO,THAT NEEDS TO GET TO KNOW GOD,NOT OBAMA FAG,LAWS THAT ARE AGAINST GODS LAWS! OBAMA SHOULD BE IMPEACHMENT ALONE WITH,ERICA HOLDER,EX US ATTORNEY GENERALAND CURRENT US ATTORNEY GENERAL LORRETTA LYNCH, WHO WILL USE HER POSSITION ONLY TO GO AGAINST GODS LAWS,FOR ANY OTHER RACIST CULTURE, OTHER THEN PURE GOD FEARING BLACK CULTURE, THATS LOVES GODS LAWS!

These are crazy,DELUSSIONAL, KILLERS,murders,RAPIST, nutcases PERIOD! BLACK PEOPLE KNOW THIS.CRAZY ,FAG,GAY,AIDS CARRYING ,QUEER ARED A HEALTH THREAT TO ALL GODFEARING MEN,AND BLACK MEN ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS IN ANY BATHROOMS WITH OUR CHILDREN!

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Phil Robertson #fundie towleroad.com

Don’t you understand that when a fellow like me looks at the landscape and sees the depravity, the perversion — redefining marriage and telling us that marriage is not between a man and a woman? Come on Iowa! It’s nonsense. It is evil. It’s wicked. It’s sinful. They want us to swallow it, you say. We have to run this bunch out of Washington, D.C. We have to rid the earth of them. Get them out of there. Ted Cruz loves God.

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Bizzle #fundie towleroad.com

Christian rapper Bizzle has written an anti-gay version of Macklemore's "Same Love" rapped over the song's instrumental.

On the track, Bizzle slams comparisons of the gay civil rights movement to the African-American civil rights movement (my transcripts):

You rather fight God than fight sin / The Bible is alright until it calls what you like sin / And I feel so disrespected that you were so desperate / You would compare your sexual habits to my skin / Calling it 'the new black?' Tell me, where they do that? / They hung us like tree ornaments, where were you at? / They burned us for entertainment, you go through that?" / Moms raped in front of their kids while they shoot dad / Ever been murdered just for trying to learn how to read, bro? / Show of hands? I didn't think so / So quit comparing the two it ain't the same fight / You can play straight. We can never play white.

Using black people as pawns for your agenda / These sell-out rappers that do whatever you tell em.

Bizzle also says that being gay is a choice:

"Man I ain't choose this!" You think you chose that?

"Well I was born this?" Well prove me you were born that.

Gays are like pedophiles:

You were never oppressed. The devil was a liar / The only thing oppressed was your sexual desire / Keeping your desires oppressed is so lame to you / But when you get married that's what you expect your mate to do / It angers you if I compare you to a pedophile / Because he's sick, right, and you're better, how?

Gays should not have marriage because they already have domestic partnerships and God says marriage is between a man and a woman:

But you were never a girl. He was once nine so at one time in his life it was just fine. / What makes your laws right? / I'm not buying it so put it in the same trash can you put that Bible in. / See how that cycle is? / Nobody wants to repent of their evil so we all try justifying it. / And you say it's about rights but you lying though - domestic partnerships gave you rights a long time ago. / God created marriage when he did he defined it though so why is it that you want what he created but denying no. / It's not wicked enough switching the definition you want it done by a Christian in a church he worships in?

And gays should not use the rainbow as a Gay Pride symbol because it belongs to Christians:

And that rainbow you using is a gay pride symbol? It represents a covenant with God if you didn't know. Check Genesis 9:13 for the info. Homie, the poor spiritual, you don't know what you in for. I ain't saying your sins worse, but it is sin, though.

Of course, Bizzle says he's not a hater even though he justifies calling gay a "defect" in the lyrics as well:

It's funny how the media portays things / They really pushing hard for this gay thing / And it's so wicked how they manipulate things / Can't even disagree without them making it a hate thing /

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Rutherford County Board of Education #fundie towleroad.com

You may recall last month's backlash facing middle Tennessee's Rutherford County Board of Education and its decision to remove all of GLSEN's 'Safe Space' posters from classrooms on the grounds that the poster's content was too 'political' and 'sexual' because it contained the words 'lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender.'

With both the state and national American Civil Liberties Union having spoken out against the homophobic policy, the school board held a meeting Wednesday night to gage public opinion on the issue and discuss a potential review of the policy. The Daily News Journal reports board members told the standing-room-only crowd at the meeting that they will study the district's anti-bullying policy but took no further action.

"We have a desire to protect the interests of all students in our school system," said Don Odom, director of Rutherford County Schools. "Our staff attorney, Jeff Reed, will look at the policy to see if there are changes to be made in order to make (the policies) more inclusive."
he teacher from whose classroom the poster was removed, Allen Nichols, spoke at the meeting and said that the issue here is more than just anti-bullying resources for students. At stake are the free speech rights of students, a notion that senior Bethany Howard appreciated was being kept in mind.

"It means so much to me that Mr. Nichols has taken a stand for student speech," Howard said. "This is a very charged issue, and it's not often that someone takes a stand like he has. And I've never heard him talk about his personal beliefs on politics, religion or any social issues."

Others at the meeting, however, spoke out against Nichols and the poster. Penny Johnson, director for Parents for Truth in Education, said she thought the posters unfairly privileged one group of students over others.

"We have to treat all children from all aspects equally and fairly," said Johnson. "By putting a special poster up for specific group in that area, you're giving them special treatment regarding bullying."

Considering LGBT teens are disproportionately targeted for bullying in schools, I wouldn't exactly consider the poster "special treatment." 88% of LGBT students in Tennessee have been verbally harassed and 43% have been physically harassed in the past year because of their sexual orientation, according to GLSEN's "2011 Tennessee State Snapshot"

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Robert Mugabe #fundie towleroad.com

[Regarding gay people]

I should like to shut them-up in some room and see if they get pregnant; if they don’t then its jail because they have claimed they can have children. So, to that kind of rot, we say no, no, no, no!

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Tblisi Mob #fundie towleroad.com

This morning I posted some horrific clips of thousands of people attacking Gay Pride marchers in Tblisi, Georgia who had been protected by police before being shipped from the area in buses that were surrounded and assaulted with fists and objects.

At least 17 people have been injured in the violence, Radio Free Europe reports.

One of the antigay activists, Zaza Davitaia, explained why he was against the rally taking place.

"I give my support to those who are gathered here. We are against a rally that contradicts our Georgian morals and traditions," Davitaia said. "[Gay-rights campaigners] receive financial support from some organizations abroad and they wanted to hold a demonstration against Georgian morals."

There were many Orthodox priests among the antigay demonstrators. One of them, Reverend Ioanne, said he wanted to stop LGBT activists from furthering their agenda.

"It's unacceptable in any way, especially today," he said. "It's a plan by some forces, who test our patience, to force us to make a mistake so they can act according to their program."

Twelve were hospitalized, according to Amnesty, including three police officers and a journalist.

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Bernard McGuirk #fundie towleroad.com

The war on Christmas is very, very real, and if you ask me, in addition to some grouchy misanthropic heathen atheists it has to do - at the root of it - with two things - abortion and the gay rights agenda, because Christianity is against those things. It's subtle but that's why it's so pronounced in recent years.

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Sandy Rios #fundie towleroad.com


O'Reilly calls the One Million Moms action [to have Ellen Degeneres fired as J.C. Penney's spokesperson] a form of McCarthyism and a "witch hunt".

Says Rios: "It isn’t about Ellen Degeneres, but it is about mainstreaming something that is not acceptable to Christian and traditional family people all over the country."

Asks O'Reilly: "What is the difference between a McCarthy-era Communist blacklist and the Million Moms saying hey, JC Penney, don't you hire any gay people. Don't you dare. What is the difference?"

Says Rios: "The problem is that Ellen DeGeneres has chosen to act out her lesbian lifestyle, marry her partner, and what that represents...we are seeing homosexuality so embedded in our culture in alarming ways.”

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Sarah Crank #fundie towleroad.com

[14-year-old testifying against same-sex marriage in Maryland]


Today is my 14th birthday and it would be the best birthday present ever if you would vote NO on gay marriage. I really feel bad for the kids who have two parents of the same gender. Even though some kids think it's fine, they have no idea what kind of wonderful experiences they miss out on. I don't want more kids to get confused about what's right and okay. I really don't want to grow up in a world where marriage isn't such a special thing anymore.


It's rather scary to think that when I grow up the legislature or the court can change the definition of any word they want. If they could change the definition of marriage then they could change the definition of any word. People have the choice to be gay, but I don't want to be affected by their choice. People say that they were born that way, but I've met really nice adults who did change.

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Bryan Fischer #fundie towleroad.com


The pro-family movement is relentlessly demonized by those who want to normalize sexual aberrations. We are accused without ceasing of being hateful, homophobic bigots. Our organizations are tagged as hate groups. If anybody has been demonized, marginalized, and turned into social pariahs, it is the pro-family movement.

Meanwhile, Chas Bono is hardly a pariah by anyone's definition. She is the talk of Hollywood, and when the dancing starts will literally be the belle of the ball.

If the left's template is correct — that turning folks into social pariahs makes them kill themselves — then we should be awash in suicides here at the American Family Association. Our staff should be suffering from an epidemic of self-murder. But here we are, enjoying our lives, our families, our friends and our churches while nary a thought of suicide crosses our minds.

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The Master's School #fundie towleroad.com

The Master's School, a K-12 Christian school in West Simsbury, Connecticut, issued " a not thinly veiled threat" to soon-to-be senior Rachel Aviles to withdraw rather than be expelled after learning she was a lesbian, FOX CT reports:

Masters This was to be her senior year and a former coach says she would have been up for all kinds of awards. But last spring she went on a class trip where several students, Aviles among them, pretended to be married. They made "wifey" phone calls to one another. They held hands — not unusual among same-sex friends at Master's, Aviles said.

"Looking back, it was kind of stupid," said Aviles, of Hartford. "But it was harmless."

Word got back to the administration, and the students were called in and questioned about their sexual orientation. When it was her turn, Aviles told administrators that she is a lesbian. Her friends knew. Teachers didn't.

Aviles said the school then urged her to withdraw rather than be expelled.

Aviles' former coach Heather Lodovico discussed the incident:

"She texted me and said something like 'They kicked me out,' and I made a joke, 'What, are you pregnant?' and she said, 'No, worse. I'm gay,'" said Lodovico.

The coach said she immediately got on the phone to see if the decision could be reversed, but no.

The school's headmaster refuses to discuss Aviles' dismissal, citing privacy concerns.

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Yehuda Levin #fundie towleroad.com

(NOM rabbi blaming death of 8-year-old boy by his father on passage of same-sex marriage in New York)

Why was this [death of Kletzky] allowed to happen? Let's think about it. If we go back to the cause, the effect was he was the victim, but the cause was a Jew [Yiddish] that the evil will come to destroy you within your midst. If it would have been a Gentile, people would be able to say, 'oh this is from the secular society.' But this is not from the secular society. This is, for too long we have been turning our cheek, we have been turning away and ignoring the agenda of the [Yiddish] -- first [gays] wanted rights, then they wanted adoption, they wanted special protections, and ultimately they wanted marriage -- and we all know that we did precious little. If those three or four thousand people, at the direction of their leaders and their common sense, would have come out...against the marriage, against this final nail in the coffin of morality...maybe we wouldn't have had to had this episode...replay itself.

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Sally Kern #fundie towleroad.com

Oklahoma lawmaker Sally Kern appeared on Alan Colmes' radio show last week to discuss her new book "The Stoning of Sally Kern," and her past statements saying gays were a greater threat to America than terrorists.

Kern defends those remarks by saying that what she really meant was that more people have died of AIDS than have been killed by terrorists in the U.S.

In a lengthy discussion about gays, Kern goes on to say that she wishes we were back in the pre-Lawrence v. Texas days, when sodomy laws were back in effect nationwide.

"For years, gay activity, gay behavior was outlawed...I would rather it be back in the closet the way it used to be. The reasons they had law against it was because of the consequences that gay activity has...The way it used to be, people did it and it was secret it was in their bedroom and the rest of the world didn't know about it. Today they're pushing it. It's in your face...The more you put deviant sexual behavior in front of children, the more they engage in it."

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Jamaat-e-Islami #fundie towleroad.com

The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad last week hosted a gay pride party for its employees and the nation's LGBT community, a community that's typically shrouded in shadows.

And, not surprisingly, conservatives there are furious: the powerful and influential Islamic party Jamaat-e-Islami released a statement calling the event "cultural terrorism."

"Such people [homosexuals] are the curse of society and social garbage," the group said. "They don't deserve to be Muslim or Pakistani, and the support and protection announced by the US administration for them is the worst social and cultural terrorism against Pakistan.”

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David Tyree #fundie towleroad.com

Former NY Giant David Tyree tells the New York Daily News that he would trade his famous catch and his Super Bowl XLII win to stop gays from being allowed to marry:

"The catch was a gift, it's not like I'd try to do it. I couldn't do it again so that was a miracle," he said. "There's nothing worth more than [maintaining heterosexual marriage] right here for me."

Asked if he'd give up the Super Bowl to stop gay marriage, Tyree said: "Honestly, I probably would."

"Nothing means more to me than that my God would be honored," he said. "Being the fact that I firmly believe that God created and ordained marriage between a man and a woman, I believe that that's something that should be fought for at all costs."

"So I'll lay down everything I am to preserve the honor and integrity of the God that I serve."

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The Pavilion staff #fundie towleroad.com

Two gay men with with developmental and intellectual disabilities were kicked out of a swimming area at The Pavilion, a government recreational facility in Hazard, Kentucky. The men were clients of Mending Hearts, Inc. which provides support for individuals with developmental and intellectual disabilities, according to the Kentucky Equality Federation.

The KEF says that the official that kicked the men out cited The Bible as the reason:

"The Pavilion staff immediately entered the pool area and asked my clients and their staff to leave the Pavilion," stated Shirlyn Perkins, Executive Director of [Mending Hearts]. "My staff asked The Pavilion staff why they were being asked to leave, and they were informed that 'gay people' weren't allowed to swim there. My staff told this man that what he was trying to do was discrimination. The man stated that what he was doing was in the Bible and he could do it. My staff continued to argue with this man, but was ultimately forced to leave. My clients, whom already feel ridiculed and different, left the city owned facility crying and embarrassed for trying to participate in 'normal' activities that everyday 'normal' people do."

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Robert G. Marshall #fundie towleroad.com

Del. Robert G. Marshall, R-Prince William, is asking the Richmond Federal Reserve Bank to remove the rainbow flag flying below the American flag outside of the building, calling its presence “a serious deficiency of judgment by your organization, one not limited to social issues.”

In a letter to Richmond Fed President Jeffrey M. Lacker, Marshall says the homosexual behavior “celebrated” by the bank “undermines the American economy” and is a class six felony in Virginia.

“The Richmond Fed’s endorsement of costly, anti-social, immoral behavior is rejected by 6,000 years of Western Religious and moral teaching,” writes Marshall, who is among the General Assembly’s most conservative members and has long been outspoken on gay-rights issues.

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Victoria Jackson #fundie towleroad.com


Actors play murderers, robbers and gossips, but the gay lifestyle is always glorified. The other sins always seem to be punished or redeemed, but TV shows never show the downside to homosexuality: the loneliness, shame, broken families and marriages, diseases. The shame does not come from 'society' but from God. So, even if the gays get everyone in the world to accept their behavior as "normal," there will still be shame, because it goes against God. Unless sin numbs their soul and their heart turns to stone, they will hear the still, small voice of God saying, 'I have a better way.' I was asked to do a lesbian kiss in a show once, and I said no. But, I'm guilty of being part of a few movies that may have been a bad influence on young people. I'm very sorry to anyone I led away from God.

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Dan Ramos #fundie towleroad.com

(Texas' Bexar County Democratic Chair Dan Ramos's remarks about the gay group, Stonewall Democrats)


In an interview with the Current today, Ramos blamed homosexuals in the party for both undermining his authority and for the poor election results in Bexar County in 2010. “They are all connected to the gay Democratic Party, the so-called Stonewall Democrats. Just like termites they managed to get some of their people in key positions,” he said.

The party faithful has been largely divided over Ramos since he was elected to office in May, 2010, but his chief detractors are all homosexuals, Ramos said.

Ramos said he opposes homosexuality on religious grounds and doesn’t believe gay-friendly Democrats like Stonewall reflect the values of Bexar County voters. “I liken them to the Tea Party — the Tea Party and the f**king Nazi Party — because they’re 90 percent white, blue-eyed, and Anglo, and I don’t give a f**k who knows that. Just like the blacks … they’re American, but you can’t get your way just because you’re black.”

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Janet Folger Porter #fundie towleroad.com


A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be medically detected.

Faith2Action, the anti-abortion group that has targeted Ohio to pilot the measure, called the in-utero witness the youngest to ever come before the House Health Committee at 9 weeks old.

Faith2Action president Janet Folger Porter said the intent is to show lawmakers who will be affected by the bill, which abortion rights groups oppose. Ohio Right to Life has not endorsed the measure.

An aide to committee Chairman Lynn Wachtmann said a pregnant woman will be brought before the committee and an ultrasound image of her uterus will be projected onto a screen. The heartbeat of the fetus will be visible in color.

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Brent Bozell, Media Research Center #fundie towleroad.com

(in response to an "Entertainment Weekly" story on gay teens in the media)

As you might suspect, Entertainment Weekly didn't plan to debate gay teen propaganda, but to encourage it, energetically. Not a single soul had anything critical to say. Not even a question. If this magazine weren't so earnestly in the tank, the story could come with a disclaimer: “This issue is an advertisement bought and paid for by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.”

Media Matters notes: "Bozell has a history of anti-gay rhetoric. He previously argued Hollywood demonstrated 'liberal bias' by failing to portray gays as 'morally wrong.' He's also warned that the gay lifestyle and agenda 'endorses the right of gays to marry and teach children, and that's in utter opposition to mainstream America.' Bozell's Media Research Council is also boycotting the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), because GOProud, a group for conservative gays and their allies, is participating."