[From "The True Heroes are the Scumbag Healthcare Cocksuckers"]
If you thought the real heroes of this country were the quiet working people, who labor away to feed their families, then I hate to break this to you, but the opposite is true. Working people are pure evil, and they want everyone to die from the flu just so they can not starve to death.
The real heroes, my friends, are the scumsucking healthcare bastards.
If you don’t believe me, then just check what healthcare workers, these brave, cocksucking heroes, are posting on Facebook.
Not only are they superheroes, they’re literally God.
Not only are they saving the world, and keeping you from eternal death – they’re looking good and having fun while doing it.
Murals are going up all across the world honoring these incredible, brave, self-righteous pieces of shit who save all of the millions from dying by having a job at a hospital.
But murals are not enough.
These pieces of human garbage deserve more than murals, they deserve more than a free lunch.
They deserve more than we could ever hope to give to them.
But we have to try.
That’s why I’m proposing a new religion where we worship hospital staff as GODS.
The core tenets of the faith will be:
• Getting as many vaccines as possible
• Praying five times while facing your local hospital
• Never leaving your house again, ever
• Getting a 666 computer chip implant
• Respecting women
There is no way we could ever do too much to honor these brave, whining, ninnying, annoying, impudent, unmannerly and contemptuous cretins. The small thing we can do is abandon our worship of Jesus Christ and start worshiping them.