FSTDT

As most everyone knows, the site has a lot of bugs. 99% of which are caused by my own poor planning, and tendency to hack together modifications to the site with code that "looks like it works". – Yahweh, October 2007

That's how I'm feeling right now, but I'm getting more competent with each mistake I make and realize, each modification I hack together and have to fix, each time I do something that "looks like it works" but doesn't and I have to figure out why.

Seems I take a more optimistic attitude to it, though. I suppose it's partially because I'm an incorrigible optimist, partially because I have experience with .NET from working with the code of Windows Forms applications, and partially because I also already have a lot of Web development experience under my belt.

But I firmly come from the other side of the tracks when it comes to that; my experience prior to FSTDT has been mostly LAMP (Linux, Apache, PHP, MySQL*), the exception to the LAMP acronym being that one of the projects I worked on professionally mercifully chose PostgreSQL. So far as Apache goes, I've never had to do much work configuring it aside from mod_rewrite.

*I hate MySQL with a passion for so many reasons that are beyond this post, and now that I no longer have to deal with it to get paid, I refuse to work with it.

In other news, voting is now open to anonymous and unregistered users! And that's actually because I programmed, compiled, and 'plugged in' a couple of classes that automatically check for suspicious voting behavior and emails my FSTDT admin account an alert if it catches anything, so I don't have to manually keep an eye on it myself. It intercepts parts of the QuoteComments.aspx codebehind if the current quote is either of the voting pages or the nomination page. It also the first and only Visual Basic code in the current FSTDT codebase, though it's only going to be there temporarily.

Now to the main topic of this post: I was wrong about something I said earlier in the Site / Off-Topic discussion thread, namely that the BBCode processor is an ancient external library. In actuality, it appears to be custom-programmed, or if not, I still have the full source code all the same. The reason for my error is a combination of several coincidences (a couple almost freakishly so) and some stupid assumptions on my part. I feel like a complete fool. But I'll tell you a (not so) little story about what happened:

First, the external coincidences: There is another BBCode processor written in the stone age that has the exact same name as the class files of Distind's. Both of these store their settings and tags in a database, something I find a little unusual for a BBCode processor. Both are also written for the .NET platform, though I can't tell you whether the other BBCode processor was written in C#, VB.NET, or something else entirely. Either way, it almost certainly had to have been one of those two but that's beside the point.

Second, the internal coincidences: A few days after receiving the FSTDT source code, my walking through it led me to the BBCode class files. I skimmed over them (more on the reason for my skimming in just a bit), and a number of identifiers (variable and method/function names) stuck out to me and gave me the impression that these classes were some sort of wrapper* to the "real" external BBCode processor: frequent use of words like get, send, use, precompiled, translate, ConvertArguments, etc. all strike me as "wrapper-like" language. Wrappers are a pretty banal thing so I lost interest pretty quickly and skimmed over that code even less than the the other code in that directory — most experienced programmers have seen a wrapper class or library at some point or another, and some have written them (me being on that list from back when I was a programmer-for-hire).

*So this makes a little more sense, a wrapper is a class or other structured code that acts a mediator between a program's code and an outside library, i.e. all data transfer and other interaction between the program and external library are done through the wrapper class. There several reasons to use a wrapper, but going into that is too far astray from the current topic. Even a nonprogrammer could probably think of a few useful purposes for something like that.

I also noticed a surprising lack of words used in identifiers that I'd expect to see in a BBCode processor: lexer, tokenize, parse, expression, state, seek — basically I was expecting it to work a lot like a compiler that takes programmer-readable source code and compiles (translates) it into computer-readable binaries. I guess I had that assumption because that would be the approach I'd take to programming a BBCode processor — and is the one I'm taking for the one I am making now — since processing / converting data and compiling code are tasks suited to the same basic kinds of algorithms.

Upon arriving at this "realization" about the BBCode processor, I set off to find the "real" BBCode processor. I couldn't find any trace of it in the compiled binary or library folders. I thought that was a little odd (when in actuality it should have been a giant red flag I was not on the right trail — my blond comes from a bottle, but perhaps the chemicals from the dye have been somehow seeping through my scalp and skull and into my brain...) So I decided to go searching the 'net for it, and lo and behold, I find an external .NET BBCode ~~library~~ assembly whose name is identical to the BBCode class name. This must be it!!

...except it wasn't.

This first started to dawn on me when I could not find the DLL to the damned library anywhere, not even the GAC. I even checked for it on the server. Nothing. Hmm... maybe the BBCode classes in the FSTDT source code were borrowed from the source of this. Wait... there is no source code to it available. And no documentation to it. This thing must be shitty. But wait... the FSTDT BBCode classes are also kind of shitty about some things! And both access the BBCodes from a table in the database! Eventually I got the (legitimately) bright idea to just freaking read and comb through the FSTDT BBCodes classes with the same thoroughness I gave the main code — what I should have freaking done in the first place. Lo and behold, it was the real BBCode processor code all along! It's also really, really, really bad in comparison to the code for the rest of the site, which is programmed competently enough. Its primary issue is a lack of polish.

Now for the reason why I didn't do go through the BBCode files with the same attention I gave the others. "I thought it was a wrapper" is only part of the reason — why didn't I read through it and see that it wasn't? The short answer is that, as I started earlier, I was skimming (to be generous), not reading. And the reason for that is that the BBCode class was part of a sub-project whose contents were almost entirely unimplemented, not-quite-complete code* that existed as a sort of island, having no kind of entrance point except for instantiating User and BBCode objects from their respective classes within the sub-project. I was not aware of the latter being referenced at that time, so I just skimmed through it like I did the other unreferenced code, and I arrived at the stupid-ass conclusion I did. And I stuck with that conclusion even after I realized it was referenced.

*I'll talk more about what that code was intended to be for in a later post. It's pretty interesting, and I intend on starting to incorporate some of its ideas into the FSTDT rewrite as soon as its stable and at functional parity with the current version of FSTDT.

I mentioned earlier that the BBCode processor is lik really, exceptionally, extravagantly awful. But if the sloppiness of this thing's code is that bad, then no better are my stupid-ass assumptions, stupid-ass self, and stupid-ass failure to actually seriously read the damn code properly to start with, instead of only doing it after I had was at a complete loss as to what was going on.

Now let's look at some of the code of this, err, masterpiece.

This is just stupid on so many levels, like borderline CodeSOD stupid (sorry, Bossman):
private static Regex UrlRegex = new Regex("\\b([\\d\\w\\.\\/\\+\\-\\?\\:]*) ((ht|f)tp(s|)\\:\\/\\/|[\\d\\d\\d|\\d\\d]\\.[\\d\\d\\d| \\d\\d]\\.|www\\.|\\.tv|\\.ac|\\.com|\\.edu|\\.gov|\\.int| \\.mil|\\.net|\\.org|\\.biz|\\.info|\\.name|\\.pro| \\.museum|\\.co)([\\d\\w\\.\\/\\%\\+\\-\\=\\&\\?\\: \\\\\\"\\'\\,\\|\\~\\;]*)\\b", RegexOptions.Compiled);
Programmers in the audience: What is wrong with the above code when it interacts with the following code?
{ input = HttpContext.Current.Server.HtmlDecode(input); if (Uri.IsWellFormedUriString(input, UriKind.RelativeOrAbsolute) && YCode.UrlRegex.IsMatch(input)) return input; return "#"; };
Can you identify what bug this causes? If you can get it right and explain why, I'll put your name and achievement in an award at the top of this post.

Here are the candidates and nominaitons for the 2016 FSTDT Awards!

Thanks to everyone who made nominations! Also special thanks to Pharaoh Bastethotep and everyone else for their help doing tl;dr snippets of the quotes

When casting your votes on quotes — for either a Fundie of the Year candidate or for a Quote of the Year nomination — remember that the snippets provided here are intended to be a convenience giving you a general gist of what the quotes are about. If you decide to vote for a particular quote, then you should first click its quote-number link and read the original quote in its entirety to make sure you don't have any second thoughts. It is also a wise idea to consider your second pick as well and read its full quote too before casting your final vote: if you change your mind after voting, your vote will not get to change with it. All votes are final with the exception of typos or similar errors. If you find yourself equally torn between two or more candidates, then you should definitely always read their full quotes before deciding!

You don't have to cast a vote on everything up for vote. You may abstain from as many or as few things as you like, but remember that you lose your abstained vote; you cannot use it as an "extra" vote somewhere else.

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[font=sans-serif]Religious fundie of the year[/font]

• David J Stewart – #122928: Leviticus selectivity, shellfish ok, gehs bad
• Sassy – #122088: "I flew in a plane what is different between that space and the space higher up? Where did Jesus go to when he was seen ascending into heaven? If Space is above the clouds where is heaven? You see there is a difference between Man and God the heavens above and heaven"
• cmdrjones – #121628: "Atheists have constitutional rights by being citizens, but by denying the existence of a creator no one with two brain cells to run together would trust that they would respect anyone else's rights. So, they simply should never be afforded political power... What with their miserable track record and so on. "
• kingjameswriter1965 – #122435: "Now they claim they can use this hadron collider to bring forth the Devil and all his fallen ones."
• Mack Major – #118255: "People who come from a voodoo or an old southern hoodoo background know about spirit husbands. These are actual spirit entities that become attached to a woman through ungodly sexual and spiritual activity."
• Catholic Nationalist – #117704: "Catholicism is objectively the coolest religion. So cool in fact that the word cool is not nearly sufficient. What other religion allows you to literally eat God every day?"
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[font=sans-serif]Right-wing fundie of the year[/font]

• Abolish Abortion Florida – #121877: "The political committee Abolish Abortion Florida (AAFL) has launched a ballot initiative to amend the state's constitution to punish abortion as capital murder."
• Donald Trump – #122148: [Donald's twitter tirades are, mercifully, already auto-summarized by Twitter's 144-character limit, but they are too numerous to list; we'll do a short vote on picking one if he wins. –shy]
• Jim (Jim's Blog) – #120562: "We should protect our gays from Muslims and kill them ourselves."
• Roosh Valizadeh – #120431: "Punish Trump haters with your cock: Besides the punitive element of withholding your cock from a Trump hater, we can also look at it from a time-saving perspective. If you are masculine, you simply won’t connect naturally with a feminist who hates Trump."
• Students Against a Democratic Society – #116770: "We’ve done slavery (Issue 3), we’ve done lynching (Issue 11) – well, we haven’t done them, but you know what I mean."
• The Last Trump – #118465: "[Appeals Court Rules in Favor of Virginia Transboy Who Sued School District to Use Men’s Restroom] THIS, is one of the biggest issues of our time!? Sort of reminds you of Nero fiddling while Rome burned doesn't it?"
• Vox Day – #121392: "TL;DR: The Alt Right is a Western ideology that believes in science, history, reality, and the right of a genetic nation to exist and govern itself in its own interests."
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[font=sans-serif]Left-wing fundie of the year[/font]

• nikkipotnik420 – #120947: "You defend trans 'women' because its just another way for men to force women to coddle males and put them before our own needs and its transparant as fuck."
• Mark Carey, et al. – #117469: "Feminist glaciology is rooted in, and combines, both feminist science studies and postcolonial science studies to meaningfully shift present-day glacier and ice sciences."
• Johan Nygren – #118613: "Diagnoses are the contemporary equivalent of racial biology. [...] It’s ADHD and bipolarity and schizophrenia and autism was used to legitimize wage slavery"
• University of Capetown Students – #122204: "They believe that [...] you are able to send lightning to strike someone. So, can you explain that scientifically" [Response: "It's not true."] "What you're trying to do is collapse the space and make it antagonizing, which we will not allow. This is a progressive space for people to say their opinions."
• National Union of Students – #118198: "The National Union of Students’ LGBT Campaign has passed a motion calling for the abolition of representatives for gay men – because they 'don’t face oppression' in the LGBT community."
• Aysegul Gurbuz (Labour Party Moonbat) – #118102: "If it wasn't for my man Hitler these Jews would've wiped Palestine years ago. Sorry but it's a fact. [...] Not hating on Jews btw"
• Bailey – #117389: "It’s not irresponsible behavior to not tell someone you have hiv [...] It’s not irresponsible to have sex with somebody without telling them."
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[font=sans-serif]Conspiracy theorist of the year[/font]

• GLP Anonymous Cowards – #122457: "DO NOT GIVE IN AND MASTURBATE BEFORE THE ELECTION. It will lower your core energy to the lower chakra levels where that the demonic scum need the population to reside in for their ritual magick to be effective."
• Nicolas Maduro – #123066: "He added that the situation is an attack by Colombian criminal groups and Venezuela's MUD opposition coalition "combined with international mafias via an NGO hired by the US Treasury." [...]The NGOs, according to the official, hire criminal organizations to move 100-bolivar bills, the largest bill in circulation now, to Colombia and from there to other countries, such as Switzerland, Poland, Ukraine, Spain, Germany and the Czech Republic, where the money is stored in large warehouses."
• Alex Jones – #118606: "I’m pro-human so I say, black people, especially, stop killing your kids and get them in church, whatever, take them away from Beyoncé, who wants to eat their brain with the CIA, literally."
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[font=sans-serif]Sexist of the year[/font]

• nikkipotnik420 – #120947: "You defend trans 'women' because its just another way for men to force women to coddle males and put them before our own needs and its transparant as fuck."
• sexselector – #101724: "Pain should never be considered a part of life. Being in pain is not a good evolutionary strategy. [...] Men’s choices in the patriarchy *created* women’s pain."
• Matt Forney – #117165: "It’s time to stop beating around the bush: feminists want to be raped."
• Saint Elliot – #122565: "The pussy of females can be used even 2 days after their death. Their sexual resources get wasted with the current system and people often die because there aren't enough organ donors."
• David J Stewart – #120671: "If your husband wants his cereal in a certain bowl or wants you to wear a certain dress in public... JUST DO IT! If your husband wants you to rinse his glass for 15 seconds or asks you to roll his socks into a ball... JUST DO IT! If your husband wants more grain in his meals... JUST DO IT! If your husband doesn't like the smell of certain foods when you cook them... then DON'T DO IT! If your husband wants you to put the twist back onto the loaf of bread... then JUST DO IT! If your husband wants the toilet seat up at all times... then JUST DO IT! It may not seem fair to you but it is YOUR JOB ladies to HELP your husband."
• Vox Day – #117889: "If the definition of rape is stretched so far to include women who have not given consent, then I am absolutely a serial rapist. So, too, is every man I know."
• Navigator – #123052: "Rape should be legal. It is this simple. A woman is a sexual object."
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[font=sans-serif]Racist of the year[/font]

• James Laffrey – #116723: "The jews say Adolf Hitler ordered a 'Final Solution' of extermination of the jews. But Hitler, a humanitarian, a vegetarian, an artist, did no such thing — although, again, he should have."
• Wotans Krieger – #117230: "In the Reich that is to come these bastardised noble familes will have no place of honour for they are enfeebled distortions of the once racially pure Germanic aristocracy. Thus we must begin again the restoration of the caste system. Building on the vision of the Rigsthula I propose that these reconstituted castes [...] The Rigsthula makes it clear that this caste was an alien one. The very presence of the Thrall in our lands represents a very real threat to our biological survival as a racial community. Some of these Thralls may outwardly appear to be people of our own blood but the obese, the sexual degenerate, the drug addict, the alcoholic and the career criminal should be regarded as part of this slave under class and the necessary corrective measures undertaken. They are the Untermenschen much prized by the liberal elite."
• Janet Bloomfield – #117222: "Don't ban [the burka]. Use it to pick the next one to deport. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain #WhyWomenShouldNotVote"
• Vox Day – #121315: "As it happens, the ruination of the United States is the result of the 'contributions' of two groups of immigrants, Irish and Jewish."
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[font=sans-serif]Single-issue wonk of the year[/font]

David J Stewart: Creepy-ass Taylor Swift fixation
• #123073: "This perverted screenshot of Miss Swift to the right only appears in this 3:54 minute video for ONE SECOND TOTAL!!!"

Mack Major: Witchcraft and the Occult
• #122812: "The biblical word for medicine in the New Testament is pharmakeia: and it means SORCERY. In other words witchcraft, occult power, black magic and potions. Why would Jesus Christ expect His followers to rely on the power of witchcraft or black magic to save them???"

Navaros: God's Holy Righteous Penis
• #121503: "You will have to face HIM in ALL of HIS MALE PATRIARCH KING FATHER HOLY RIGHTEOUS PENIS-OWNING GLORY!"

Ann Barnhardt: Made-up fundie disease "Diabolical Narcissism"
• #122361: "Diabolical Narcissism is of the most severe variety, what we refer to as “psychopathy”, and thus she [Hillary Clinton] is an Alpha Narcissist, very much desirous of personal power, all the way up to the national and even global level."

WorldGoneCrazy - Anti-abortion crusader
• #120192: "All I know is that if fetuses could defend themselves with a gun, there would be no abortions."

Vox Day - Evolution denialism
• #120508: [Eric Hovind is refuted by a sixth grader] "t is a form of intellectual combat where the goal is to discredit the interlocutor. [...] Frankly, I'd be surprised and a little disappointed if I didn't have the kid in tears and questioning his faith in science within minutes after asking such a pair of stupid questions [...] Destroy the interlocutor."
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[font=sans-serif]Vulture of the year[/font]

• #122859: Mack Major – "Someone may ask 'Why are you using this tragedy to promote your ebook?' The simple answer is because it saves lives! Hate to say I told you so, but had those who were partying read my ebook, they most likely would not have been there in the first place [at the Oakland warehouse fire]"
• #119803: crunchymama – "My heart is heavy over every aspect of this. that some of those killed were believers[...] that everyone involved turn to Jesus, that our 2nd Amendment rights aren't taken away"
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[font=sans-serif]Batshit-insane person of the year[/font]

• usachinanukewar, #117354: "This divine pneumonia time bomb in my lungs implanted by Jesus years ago is the best ever gift I’ve received from Jesus."
• ComeOnPeople, #122200: "I know longer believe what the government told me about the world. To me they have taken the biblical account and turned it upside down. Making everything revolve around the sun, which is contrary to what the bible says and what scientists and historical artifacts claimed up until nasa."
• Vox Day, #119003: "War destroyed the body, but it did not destroy the spirit and the soul in the way peace and prosperity have."
• Joe Eigo, #116613: "His sword cuts through what NEEDS to be TRANSMUTED by Lord Zadkiel of The Violet Ray which is the Ray OF TRANSMUTATION AND MERCY AND ALCHEMY. Lord Michael comes along FIRST and TRANSFORMS IT (IN EASIER TERMS ,CHOPS IT ALL UP (NOT RIGHT TERM) AND LORD ZADKIEL LAUGHED WHEN HE SAID LORD MICHAEL LEAVES HIM THE "MESS TO CLEAN UP WITH THE SWORD OF VIOLET FLAME HE WIELDS OF TRANSMUTATION.WE ARE IN THE VIOLET RAY AGE RIGHT NOW. THE AQUARIAN ONE. IT'S THE 7TH RAY."
• Saint Elliot, #123058: "Heck, I even considered having sex with a dog cadaver that died outside my window but sadly the janitor threw it away before I could go out and get it at night."
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[font=sans-serif]Funniest quote of the year[/font]

• #106783: "We will use your leaning tower of pizza to throw off homosexual"
• #120864: "Of course, [FSTDT commenters] are all socks of Valri, so the logistics are not too difficult. :-)"
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[font=sans-serif]Nightmare fuel quote of the year[/font]

• #119250 (Ryon Travis sov-cit house of horrors)
• #120032: "Recent discourse on child pornography falsely portrays it, like child sex in general, as a disaster for the child. [...] Yet there are many children seen in child pornography whose words, facial expressions, body language, and orgasms show that they thoroughly enjoy the sexual activity, sometimes enjoying it immensely."
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[font=sans-serif]One-liner of the year[/font]

• #122830: "You don't know how much you should fear Jesus"
• #119953: "If I could be in the bedroom of every pro-choicer's when they have sex just to talk to them, I would. I could make them see how beautiful life actually is."
• #121425: "Beware the beast Hildabeast Clinton and her Vagenda of Manocide"
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[font=sans-serif]WTF?! quote of the year[/font]

• #122633: "[STEM] Syllabi promote the positivist view of knowledge by suggesting that there are correct conclusions that can be drawn with the right tools [...] the syllabi reinforce the larger male dominant view of knowledge as one that students acquire and use to make correct decisions."
• #123064: "[Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop] explained that his first name represents 'the explosion of awareness of the interconnectedness of the infinite love in the universe.' Doo-doo 'is the struggle of our daily lives with that awareness, that with love comes chaos,' and Zopittybop-bop-bop 'is the outcome of that struggle, which is often ironic, especially because all life ends in death.'"
• #120864: "Of course, [FSTDT commenters] are all socks of Valri, so the logistics are not too difficult. :-)"
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[font=sans-serif]Incel quote of the year[/font]

• #122565: "The pussy of females can be used even 2 days after their death. Their sexual resources get wasted with the current system and people often die because there aren't enough organ donors."
• #121548 "Modern Western women hate respect. They hate consent. They love bloody beatings. They love death. [...] You are the ones who don't see what's wrong."
• #123058: "Heck, I even considered having sex with a dog cadaver that died outside my window but sadly the janitor threw it away before I could go out and get it at night."

[font=sans-serif]Board of the year[/font]

• /r/IncelHeaven
• Return of Kings
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[font=sans-serif]Commenter of the year (winner!)[/font]

• Hasan Prishtina
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[font=sans-serif]Troll of the year[/font]

• TimeToTurn
• Anonymous "enlightened seer" (see here for where the madness begins — one can only hope it's a Poe)
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[font=sans-serif]Conspiracy theory of the year[/font]

• PizzaGate
• The Mandela Effect

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