Church Bulletins

The People’s Democratic Republic of Californistan has codified its millions of diktats for churches as it “allows” them to re-open. Mr. Anonymous sent me the link along with this astute observation:

Jesus only gave us six words of instruction regarding religious service: “Do this in remembrance of me.”

The state of California has just come out with a 13-page manual.

And may I add it’s 13 pages of lunacy. But you already knew that.

Meanwhile, Milton Lane sent me a questionnaire from a congregation of Seventh-Day Adventists in Cleveland, Tennessee inquiring whether members are “comfortable returning to church.”

Think about that. The pastor no longer worries about assembling together in obedience to Scripture for worship in spirit and in truth; no, fed on TV and Caesar’s orders rather than the Word, he frets about parishioners’ “comfort.” I’m trying but failing to remember a single time Christ worried about our comfort. And I’m also trying to picture our persecuted brothers and sisters in China or North Korea asking congregants, “Given the possibility of incarceration, intense torture and death, are you comfortable coming to church?”

The remaining queries from the Seventh-Day Adventists go downhill from there:

When we return to services:

I will be there.

I will not be there

Undecided

What if God the Father had asked His Son, “When I send You to earth to die the most gruesome of deaths for them, will You be there?”, and Jesus had responded, “Undecided, Abba”?

The wus–sorry, church concludes,

What do you think the church should do for your protection? (Check all that apply)

Wear a face mask.

Sit and stand at least 6 feet apart from others outside my immediate family.

Avoid physical contact.

Use hand sanitizer.

What do you think the church should do for your protection? (Check all that apply)

Remove the Hymnals and Bibles from the pews.

Don’t sing hymns.

Don’t have the garden of prayer.

Don’t have the children’s story.

Seat every other row.

Collect the offering in the foyer.

Prop the doors open.

Hand Sanitizer as you come in.

Hand sanitizer in the pews.

None of the above

Astounding, isn’t it? Christians who tremble to hold a hymnbook or greet one another with a hug, let alone a holy kiss, stand fearlessly before the world—and God Himself—as cowards without a shred of faith.