“You know why panthers are so "beautiful" (in the eyes of other people)?”
Supple, adorable, murder floofs? Tell me why!
“GOD did not give them their spots and stripes.”
Striped panthers…?
"Satan did.”
Was this before or after Adam named all the animals? I just wonder why they’re ‘panthers’ and not ‘el gato diablo’ or something.
And, um, striped panthers?
“He did that to appeal these evil beasts to the eyes of the public.”
I really don’t think that’s how you use that verb.
“Those of us who worship GOD hate panthers, because GOD hates panthers.”
The whole time I was a believer,no one ever mentioned this. Weird, considering how many people feel a driving need to lean over my desk and point to stuff that’s a sin (“Your D&D books! SIN!” and “Your Playboys! SINS!” and such stuff and nonsense,but no one ever freaked about my Carolina Panthers flag, or my Jaguars jacket, or my high school’s Tiger mascot.
Is that the striped panthers? Tigers?
“That is why HE has tried to make them die off, because HE hates them.”
Tried?
The ultimate power of the universe was UNSUCCESSFUL in destroying something that offends him? Really? What a wanker.
“But humans will always be around to interfere with GOD's plans.”
The story of Noah’s ark says otherwise. God’s quite willing to kill any troublesome individuals.
“Giving to panther-related charities, trying to "save" panthers from extinction, and rehabilitating captive panthers.”
So, you’re saying that World Wildlife Fund is like Iron Chariots? God can’t defeat either?
“I think that is why GOD is so angry now.”
Well, he is quiet. One of my sailors described me to a new guy in the division: When Keith Yells, that don’t mean nothing. When he’s really mad he gets quiet.
Is that describing God,too? No miracles this year because of where Carolina is in the Standings?
“It has nothing to do with the acceptance of gay marriage, or gays being accepted into society, because they are not all accepted, and acceptance of gays only just began a few years ago.”
Oh, sweetie, what a sheltered life you live.
I knew gay sailors on every one of my commands starting in 1980. I didn’t care.
“All these disasters have been happening for much longer than gays have been accepted.”
1982,my first invitation to a same-sex wedding.
“So the Westboro Baptist Church is all wrong.”
Okay, you got one right.
“ It's not gay people that should be persecuted. It's panther-fanatics!”
Are we sure this isn’t a poe?
"I'm glad I stopped liking panthers early in my life! I may be fat, but I am still alive and healthy.”
::blink blink::